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In highschool I was friends with a Mormon kid. After graduation I was headed for college and he was headed out on his two year mission trip to Brazil. Personal

In highschool I was friends with a Mormon kid. After graduation I was headed for college and he was headed out on his two year mission trip to Brazil. Personally, I thought it was a very foolish decision to spend two years going door to door in Brazil. I also thought it was a net negative as I don't believe in Mormonism and don't think it's a good thing to recruit more people to believe in it. I was conflicted about what to do. Should I try to convince my friend he was wrong to go? Just stay quiet, like this article recommends or ask some politely phrased question? I wound up splitting the difference and tried gently making the case to him that he wasting his time. I didn't come at the argument as hard or often as I might have and I didn't leave it entirely alone. We had one awkward conversation about it, that I could tell he found off-putting or offensive, and that was that. He went off to Brazil and I never saw nor spoke to him again. I still don't know what the right thing to do then was and I have the same conflict about the advice in this article. If I genuinely think my friend is making a mistake I shouldn't directly confront them about it? I don't think I buy that, even if it makes things less awkward. I see the polite rephrase advice as being generally good probably. I'd just say that it's probably different by person. Some people prefer direct challenges. "You'll never do it without a great UI!"

rocqua 5y ago
If you doubt your friend's plans. Don't go at it trying to convince him he's wrong. Go at it trying to understand why he thinks it's a good plan. If you want to be direct 'I don't believe this will work without a great UI, am I missing something? ' is much better than 'you'll never do it without a great UI'. Both are direct and confronting. The first is aggressive, the second is dialogue.
- Remnant44 5y ago
  This. Turn the situation around. How often do you enjoy hearing someone's opinion on something where they haven't even tried to understand your goals, motivations, and values? And instead just spouted off what they think?
- krisoft 5y ago
  > If you want to be direct 'I don't believe this will work without a great UI, am I missing something? ' is much better than 'you'll never do it without a great UI'. If someone is unable to turn one into the other in their head probably they shouldn’t be doing a startup really. I understand that one shouldn’t be a jerk, but we also don’t have to go around like other people are made of eggshells. “You will never do it without a great UI” is a perfectly fine thing to say if you believe that. A healthy, well adjusted human being can say to that “you are right and this is how we will get a great UI” or tell you “you might think that, but actually” or they might shrug and ignore you or any other variation. If their world collapses from a tinny bit of adversity, and they fold like a wet napkin they should do something less stressfull.
  - rocqua 5y ago
    Sure. They can probably handle it. But should being around friends test 'if they can handle what you say'? I hope that is not what my friends think (except for my puns). Especially around friends it would be nice if that is where the pin-pricks stop, and you just get to feel at ease a bit.
HeyLaughingBoy 5y ago
I find that as a general rule, it's best to assume that people know what they're doing and what's best for them. So in this case I'd ask why he was doing it, what his motivations were, etc. Aside: I'd assume that as his friend, you'd already know that it is common for Mormons to do this! In any event, if it's a life choice like this (or marriage, or a new career), then telling him that he's doing the wrong thing is not likely to result in anything positive, other than you feeling better (?) about yourself.

rocqua 5y ago

If you doubt your friend's plans. Don't go at it trying to convince him he's wrong. Go at it trying to understand why he thinks it's a good plan. If you want to be direct 'I don't believe this will work without a great UI, am I missing something? ' is much better than 'you'll never do it without a great UI'. Both are direct and confronting. The first is aggressive, the second is dialogue.

Remnant44 5y ago
This. Turn the situation around. How often do you enjoy hearing someone's opinion on something where they haven't even tried to understand your goals, motivations, and values? And instead just spouted off what they think?
krisoft 5y ago
> If you want to be direct 'I don't believe this will work without a great UI, am I missing something? ' is much better than 'you'll never do it without a great UI'. If someone is unable to turn one into the other in their head probably they shouldn’t be doing a startup really. I understand that one shouldn’t be a jerk, but we also don’t have to go around like other people are made of eggshells. “You will never do it without a great UI” is a perfectly fine thing to say if you believe that. A healthy, well adjusted human being can say to that “you are right and this is how we will get a great UI” or tell you “you might think that, but actually” or they might shrug and ignore you or any other variation. If their world collapses from a tinny bit of adversity, and they fold like a wet napkin they should do something less stressfull.
- rocqua 5y ago
  Sure. They can probably handle it. But should being around friends test 'if they can handle what you say'? I hope that is not what my friends think (except for my puns). Especially around friends it would be nice if that is where the pin-pricks stop, and you just get to feel at ease a bit.

HeyLaughingBoy 5y ago

I find that as a general rule, it's best to assume that people know what they're doing and what's best for them. So in this case I'd ask why he was doing it, what his motivations were, etc. Aside: I'd assume that as his friend, you'd already know that it is common for Mormons to do this! In any event, if it's a life choice like this (or marriage, or a new career), then telling him that he's doing the wrong thing is not likely to result in anything positive, other than you feeling better (?) about yourself.