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This is not at all shocking to me and actually makes a lot of sense. I'm single, middle-aged and I live in a neighborhood that is not representative of my educ

This is not at all shocking to me and actually makes a lot of sense. I'm single, middle-aged and I live in a neighborhood that is not representative of my educational or income status. Living alone my household income is roughly seven times the average household income of the neighborhood. I actively go out of my way to meet people that are fundamentally different in their income, education and other factors. When it comes to dating people in my neighborhood there is two general classifications of people that I come across. The first is one that is difficult to have any kind of meaningful or deep conversation about anything on. They are so addicted to their phone and taking selfies and fluff pop culture that there is no foundation to even build a relationship around. The second is the person who you can have an interesting conversation with on many topics but once they find out you're a software engineer or have another job that they assume is well paying (regardless of how you dress or live) all they become interested in is finding how to take money out of your wallet. Literally trying to push buttons as if you're an ATM machine. When I date people of similar education backgrounds similar work experience and socioeconomic levels it's totally different. It's a totally new set of problems but it actually gives the hope of someone to have a long-term relationship with. Because they have their own money and they don't need constant affirmations from their glowing rectangle. One other thing that I have discovered from traveling the world is that it's not like this in all cultures. Especially having traveled around Southeast Asia there are many women of all ages that are seeking to better their lifestyle and it's a natural assumption that when you were a tourist there you're probably better off than they are financially. Unlike the people in my neighborhood though they are willing to engage in an actual relationship in order to better their financial status. They understand the concept of either marrying into it or being a long-term partner in a relationship to get that financial advantage.

MrWiffles 5y ago
Just out of curiosity, where are you located that you've had that experience? It's not a mirror-image of mine, but it's fairly close. I'm in El Paso, TX (US). In my area, there are almost no professionals of any field, let alone software engineering. You've got doctors and lawyers, but that's about it. So language barriers aside (most speak English and Spanish here but you do run into a fair amount of Spanish-only), the biggest hurdle I run into relating to people - not even dating, just general day-to-day stuff - is education and IQ. Most are just very, very poorly educated at best. And yeah there's a lot of addiction to vapid pop-culture nonsense as well, which presents an immediate barrier to me because...ugh, no thanks. But ultimately, most people just have a lackluster ability to grasp even the most basic of things (I had to explain who the Romans were once, I kid you not). Not saying they're all stupid or anything, far from it. I think it's a socioeconomic problem, caused by generational poverty being a barrier to higher education. There's a university here (UTEP), but it's way out of reach for easily 80-90% of people born and raised locally. Those who do go there leave the area almost immediately (and I can't blame them, I will too, and soon). Damn shame, too. There are some really nice, big-hearted folks in this town and they deserve a fair shake.
- elmerfud 5y ago
  I live in Des Moines Iowa. I would say our experiences are pretty similar based on how you describe it. I also agree I don't find that any of these people are stupid or anything like that they just are stuck in a, I don't know the right word, socioeconomic rut that they either don't know how or have no desire to dig themselves out of. And some of them are actually quite intelligent I know a couple of people their ability to learn new information to memorize it to regurgitate it and to postulate assumptions based upon that previous knowledge would make excellent engineers but they have no desire to do that. They want the money and they want to increase their status but they think they'll do it by winning the lotto or finding a billionaire who will take them away on their yacht or something insane like that.
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JustLurking2022 5y ago
So you're saying that you miss the fact that people in other cultures are better at pretending to care about you? Personally, not sure if that's better or worse.

MrWiffles 5y ago

Just out of curiosity, where are you located that you've had that experience? It's not a mirror-image of mine, but it's fairly close. I'm in El Paso, TX (US). In my area, there are almost no professionals of any field, let alone software engineering. You've got doctors and lawyers, but that's about it. So language barriers aside (most speak English and Spanish here but you do run into a fair amount of Spanish-only), the biggest hurdle I run into relating to people - not even dating, just general day-to-day stuff - is education and IQ. Most are just very, very poorly educated at best. And yeah there's a lot of addiction to vapid pop-culture nonsense as well, which presents an immediate barrier to me because...ugh, no thanks. But ultimately, most people just have a lackluster ability to grasp even the most basic of things (I had to explain who the Romans were once, I kid you not). Not saying they're all stupid or anything, far from it. I think it's a socioeconomic problem, caused by generational poverty being a barrier to higher education. There's a university here (UTEP), but it's way out of reach for easily 80-90% of people born and raised locally. Those who do go there leave the area almost immediately (and I can't blame them, I will too, and soon). Damn shame, too. There are some really nice, big-hearted folks in this town and they deserve a fair shake.

elmerfud 5y ago
I live in Des Moines Iowa. I would say our experiences are pretty similar based on how you describe it. I also agree I don't find that any of these people are stupid or anything like that they just are stuck in a, I don't know the right word, socioeconomic rut that they either don't know how or have no desire to dig themselves out of. And some of them are actually quite intelligent I know a couple of people their ability to learn new information to memorize it to regurgitate it and to postulate assumptions based upon that previous knowledge would make excellent engineers but they have no desire to do that. They want the money and they want to increase their status but they think they'll do it by winning the lotto or finding a billionaire who will take them away on their yacht or something insane like that.

deleted 5y ago

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JustLurking2022 5y ago

So you're saying that you miss the fact that people in other cultures are better at pretending to care about you? Personally, not sure if that's better or worse.