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> These things do not happen by accident. This sounds like treating people as means to ends; it sounds rather instrumental - I expect you didn't mean it like t

> These things do not happen by accident. This sounds like treating people as means to ends; it sounds rather instrumental - I expect you didn't mean it like that. There are all kinds of things that can give rise to a close relationship; circumstances, including financial circumstances, interests, emotional needs, fears, etc. These kinds of things can't be engineered with a 'filter'. But yeah, obviously the more people you meet, the greater chance you'll meet someone you get on with.

bckr 5y ago
> This sounds like treating people as means to ends I desire deeper relationships. I work to deepen relationships. Discovering and befriending people is a means to that end. > These kinds of things can't be engineered with a 'filter' My understanding of a marketing funnel is that it is not primarily concerned with filtering people out actively, but in drawing people towards a goal, who will otherwise self-select out of the process through lack of motivation. Similarly: I attend meetings of a club, and gain acquaintances. I will only have acquaintances if I do not engage in the next step of the process: inviting, or accepting an invite from, someone to lunch. And so on. > give rise These things do not happen by accident. You do not enter into financial "circumstances" with another person strictly by accident. You do not talk to someone about your interests by accident. You do not get your emotional needs met by someone by accident. Forming deep relationships is an active process that must be approached with a problem-solving mindset. If it were not so, we would hardly be discussing the subject. It does no good to remain passive, fatalistic, or organic-fetishist (anti-instrumentalist) when we're talking about one of the most important needs we have as humans.
- denton-scratch 5y ago
  > organic-fetishist (anti-instrumentalist) Interestingly, the parenthesised "explanation" doesn't explain the meaning of "organic-fetishist"; and I suspect that understanding your final paragraph might throw some light on your earlier remarks. What does it mean? This sounds to me like the jargon of some cult.
  - bckr 5y ago
    > What does it mean? I mean don't assume that something is better because you didn't try to make it happen. And I mean that we really need to work to have deep friendships. > This sounds to me like the jargon of some cult. I find that odd. EDIT: I thought about it a little more, and I guess I can see where throwing around a bunch of negative, made-up words ending in "-ist" sounds culty.

bckr 5y ago

> This sounds like treating people as means to ends I desire deeper relationships. I work to deepen relationships. Discovering and befriending people is a means to that end. > These kinds of things can't be engineered with a 'filter' My understanding of a marketing funnel is that it is not primarily concerned with filtering people out actively, but in drawing people towards a goal, who will otherwise self-select out of the process through lack of motivation. Similarly: I attend meetings of a club, and gain acquaintances. I will only have acquaintances if I do not engage in the next step of the process: inviting, or accepting an invite from, someone to lunch. And so on. > give rise These things do not happen by accident. You do not enter into financial "circumstances" with another person strictly by accident. You do not talk to someone about your interests by accident. You do not get your emotional needs met by someone by accident. Forming deep relationships is an active process that must be approached with a problem-solving mindset. If it were not so, we would hardly be discussing the subject. It does no good to remain passive, fatalistic, or organic-fetishist (anti-instrumentalist) when we're talking about one of the most important needs we have as humans.

denton-scratch 5y ago
> organic-fetishist (anti-instrumentalist) Interestingly, the parenthesised "explanation" doesn't explain the meaning of "organic-fetishist"; and I suspect that understanding your final paragraph might throw some light on your earlier remarks. What does it mean? This sounds to me like the jargon of some cult.
- bckr 5y ago
  > What does it mean? I mean don't assume that something is better because you didn't try to make it happen. And I mean that we really need to work to have deep friendships. > This sounds to me like the jargon of some cult. I find that odd. EDIT: I thought about it a little more, and I guess I can see where throwing around a bunch of negative, made-up words ending in "-ist" sounds culty.