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Hey could you elaborate a bit. How are the casual acquaintances adding value to your quality of life? I am unable to appreciate them in my own life.

JoeAltmaier 5y ago
I can add my 2 bits. I know all the staff at my local diner; I chat with the owners and chefs regularly. We talk about food, the weather, their college schedule, vacation plans. Then I eat eggs and potatoes and go my merry way. It's much better than sitting alone at a corner 1-person table, at least for me. Any club is the same way - people who are not (all) your friends but you get along with and have something to do together.
graeme 5y ago
Not OP, but some things from my own life that came from casual acquaintances: * Meeting new friends through them * shared activities * Getting new perspectives * Invites to parties (some very social casual acquaintances have huge parties) * Business connections * Fun and laughter * If at a shared event or location, casual chit chat and friendliness You get all those with close friends too, but you can have many more casual acquaintances more quickly. If you’re not getting that it’s possible you’re not meeting the right kind of casual acquaintances or maybe you yourself aren’t the type to attract/benefit from such acquaintances. (Which is fine, you can do perfectly well without casual acquaintances) A good definition of close friend is anyone with whom you’ve discussed a deep personal issue with within the past year, who isn’t family. (Or that you absolutely would feel comfortable doing so with) I’m counting things below that as casual acquaintance/loose friendship. It’s possible I’ve set the friendship bar higher using that definition. Also, casual acquaintances are usually how you develop new friends. See someone in a context enough times, realize you’re getting along, start hanging out more, etc. People complain about a lack of ability to make friendships with age and a big part is losing the contexts that allow for casual acquaintances.
Trasmatta 5y ago
I don't know all the reasons why, but I always notice an improvement in my mood on the days I have interactions with casual acquaintances. (And I'm an introvert.) There have been some studies on the importance of "weak ties" I believe. I think there's just a human need for some amount of interaction, and the weak ties have the benefit of coming with very little in terms of obligation. Which helps free you from some of the major stresses that accompany deep ties.
- agumonkey 5y ago
  I'd also vote for 'zero obligation' moment. It's always the weight of being forced that creates problems in relationships. Or to an extent the weird notion of not being able to express oneself more and be freer without feeling you're hurting the other party.
deltaonefour 5y ago
Hang out with them have fun with them and talk to them, but expect them to not be there in your life if something drastic or important happens. If you get cancer, expect everyone to eventually abandon you. Despite this, you still need these superficial interactions throughout life, it's part of being human. You may disagree, but like the op, I'm older so hear me out. The thing with younger people is that they don't realize that they are already doing this. You don't know it yet but 99 percent of your friends are superficial. Not 90 percent, 99. What you will realize is that friends overall are much less reliable and loyal than you thought. Younger people place greater weight in their friendships without realizing the true superficiality behind almost all of it. One day the realization will hit you and hopefully eventually you'll realize that it's human nature and even you yourself is like this, you just don't realize it yet. But what's also important to realize is that despite the superficiality of all these friendships it's still important to cycle through them and have them around in your life to be happy. It's about the moment to moment interactions with people. The illusion of true friendship is what matters here. Accept the illusion knowing that it will fade and that people and you yourself will move on. That is not to say that "true friendship" doesn't exist. It does, but it is far more rare, and it's not surprising at all for a person to find out one day that they have no true friends at all.
- throwawayboise 5y ago
  I'm in my 50s now and found this just about 100% matches my own observations, experiences, and conclusions. Almost all friendships are based on circumstances that bring people together. When those circumstances change, those friendships fade pretty quickly.
- Trasmatta 5y ago
  100% spot on. There's a level of peace that comes from accepting that the majority of relationships are, and always will be, superficial, but then realizing that's okay.

JoeAltmaier 5y ago

I can add my 2 bits. I know all the staff at my local diner; I chat with the owners and chefs regularly. We talk about food, the weather, their college schedule, vacation plans. Then I eat eggs and potatoes and go my merry way. It's much better than sitting alone at a corner 1-person table, at least for me. Any club is the same way - people who are not (all) your friends but you get along with and have something to do together.

graeme 5y ago

Not OP, but some things from my own life that came from casual acquaintances: * Meeting new friends through them * shared activities * Getting new perspectives * Invites to parties (some very social casual acquaintances have huge parties) * Business connections * Fun and laughter * If at a shared event or location, casual chit chat and friendliness You get all those with close friends too, but you can have many more casual acquaintances more quickly. If you’re not getting that it’s possible you’re not meeting the right kind of casual acquaintances or maybe you yourself aren’t the type to attract/benefit from such acquaintances. (Which is fine, you can do perfectly well without casual acquaintances) A good definition of close friend is anyone with whom you’ve discussed a deep personal issue with within the past year, who isn’t family. (Or that you absolutely would feel comfortable doing so with) I’m counting things below that as casual acquaintance/loose friendship. It’s possible I’ve set the friendship bar higher using that definition. Also, casual acquaintances are usually how you develop new friends. See someone in a context enough times, realize you’re getting along, start hanging out more, etc. People complain about a lack of ability to make friendships with age and a big part is losing the contexts that allow for casual acquaintances.

Trasmatta 5y ago

I don't know all the reasons why, but I always notice an improvement in my mood on the days I have interactions with casual acquaintances. (And I'm an introvert.) There have been some studies on the importance of "weak ties" I believe. I think there's just a human need for some amount of interaction, and the weak ties have the benefit of coming with very little in terms of obligation. Which helps free you from some of the major stresses that accompany deep ties.

agumonkey 5y ago
I'd also vote for 'zero obligation' moment. It's always the weight of being forced that creates problems in relationships. Or to an extent the weird notion of not being able to express oneself more and be freer without feeling you're hurting the other party.

deltaonefour 5y ago

Hang out with them have fun with them and talk to them, but expect them to not be there in your life if something drastic or important happens. If you get cancer, expect everyone to eventually abandon you. Despite this, you still need these superficial interactions throughout life, it's part of being human. You may disagree, but like the op, I'm older so hear me out. The thing with younger people is that they don't realize that they are already doing this. You don't know it yet but 99 percent of your friends are superficial. Not 90 percent, 99. What you will realize is that friends overall are much less reliable and loyal than you thought. Younger people place greater weight in their friendships without realizing the true superficiality behind almost all of it. One day the realization will hit you and hopefully eventually you'll realize that it's human nature and even you yourself is like this, you just don't realize it yet. But what's also important to realize is that despite the superficiality of all these friendships it's still important to cycle through them and have them around in your life to be happy. It's about the moment to moment interactions with people. The illusion of true friendship is what matters here. Accept the illusion knowing that it will fade and that people and you yourself will move on. That is not to say that "true friendship" doesn't exist. It does, but it is far more rare, and it's not surprising at all for a person to find out one day that they have no true friends at all.

throwawayboise 5y ago
I'm in my 50s now and found this just about 100% matches my own observations, experiences, and conclusions. Almost all friendships are based on circumstances that bring people together. When those circumstances change, those friendships fade pretty quickly.
Trasmatta 5y ago
100% spot on. There's a level of peace that comes from accepting that the majority of relationships are, and always will be, superficial, but then realizing that's okay.