4 ms·

Good question! The line is definitely not a hard one -- it's blurry. While I don't care for social justice seminars at work, those don't actually bother me to

by dolni 5y ago

Good question! The line is definitely not a hard one -- it's blurry. While I don't care for social justice seminars at work, those don't actually bother me to the same degree that mandatory company profile changes do (even something insignificant like a pronoun). Like I mentioned, the main concern is being ostracized for not doing the performative stuff. So if my coworkers are going to shun me for expressing the wrong opinion on some topic (or just refusing to engage in discussion) that would be a big problem for me. I don't want to feel compelled to express an opinion I don't actually have. Some people are okay with doing that. Some people like doing it to improve their image. It's not for me.

awb 5y ago
> So if my coworkers are going to shun me for expressing the wrong opinion on some topic (or just refusing to engage in discussion) that would be a big problem for me I never enjoyed talking about politics or current events with coworkers. I'd typically steer the conversation back to my job (which is what I'm supposed to be doing anyway). Any socializing after work, I'd stick to safe subjects like family, clients, sports, etc. Is that what you're looking for as well? Or are you interested in talking about politics with like minded coworkers? Or do you want coworkers with different views as long as they respect yours? > I don't want to feel compelled to express an opinion I don't actually have I've never been privy to this, so I'm curious what this situation was like for you and how you felt pressured. Any example you can share? Or is this more about trying to prevent a possible situation? The closest I guess for me was staying silent while someone rambled on, kind of like I might do at a family holiday if I want to keep the peace instead of throwing gas on the fire. Or, I've used conversation ending techniques like short one-word responses, or acting distracted, changing the subject, etc. Still annoying, but I don't mind it as much as I'm not really looking for deep relationships at work and after the first few times they would stop bringing up stuff to me because I wasn't giving them reactions (positive or negative).
- dolni 5y ago
  > I never enjoyed talking about politics or current events with coworkers. I'd typically steer the conversation back to my job (which is what I'm supposed to be doing anyway). > > Any socializing after work, I'd stick to safe subjects like family, clients, sports, etc. > > Is that what you're looking for as well? Or are you interested in talking about politics with like minded coworkers? Or do you want coworkers with different views as long as they respect yours? I'm an opinionated person and I don't mind sharing my opinion. That being said, I can avoid talking politics at work. If I do share my opinion, I don't even mind if someone gets into a heated debate with me -- I can get over it. What I'm specifically concerned about is being blackballed long-term because we don't agree. > I've never been privy to this, so I'm curious what this situation was like for you and how you felt pressured. Any example you can share? Or is this more about trying to prevent a possible situation? This isn't quite the same, but it's tangential. I had a former coworker who would try to tightly control conversation that occurred in the office. Her sensitivity was sky high. EVERYTHING was a personal attack somehow. Working with her was absolute misery. It killed office camaraderie and we had no fun whatsoever. This was pre-COVID, when office common-space chats were still common. After that experience, I don't want to work in an environment where people can't be adults and do some emotional regulation where it's appropriate. I'm with you generally. There are strategies to mitigate some of that stuff at work. While you don't HAVE to like the people you work with, it sure does help.
  - awb 5y ago
    Gotcha, thanks for the context. I've definitely left companies because of personality conflicts with coworkers. It's just unbearable sometimes. I'm a recruiter and I work with a lot of startups. Best recommendation I have without ruffling too many feathers is to ask about the founding team / management team and their previous success stories. It's not a perfect solution, but in my experience teams with a history of successful products or acquisitions have a lower level of bullshit. They're just more focused on the product and less focused on emotional games. If you don't mind ruffling some feathers, then maybe try to sneak in a comment about a slightly edgy topic or current event and see where it takes you. Otherwise, you can look for buzzwords in job posts that might signal company values you may or may not be in alignment with.
lovich 5y ago
If the pronouns are a hard line for you, you’re gonna have a tough time with what I saw on the market recently. It seems like that’s becoming a corporate standard practice. You’d need to look for places openly signaling they are anti woke

by dolni 5y ago

awb 5y ago

> So if my coworkers are going to shun me for expressing the wrong opinion on some topic (or just refusing to engage in discussion) that would be a big problem for me I never enjoyed talking about politics or current events with coworkers. I'd typically steer the conversation back to my job (which is what I'm supposed to be doing anyway). Any socializing after work, I'd stick to safe subjects like family, clients, sports, etc. Is that what you're looking for as well? Or are you interested in talking about politics with like minded coworkers? Or do you want coworkers with different views as long as they respect yours? > I don't want to feel compelled to express an opinion I don't actually have I've never been privy to this, so I'm curious what this situation was like for you and how you felt pressured. Any example you can share? Or is this more about trying to prevent a possible situation? The closest I guess for me was staying silent while someone rambled on, kind of like I might do at a family holiday if I want to keep the peace instead of throwing gas on the fire. Or, I've used conversation ending techniques like short one-word responses, or acting distracted, changing the subject, etc. Still annoying, but I don't mind it as much as I'm not really looking for deep relationships at work and after the first few times they would stop bringing up stuff to me because I wasn't giving them reactions (positive or negative).

dolni 5y ago
> I never enjoyed talking about politics or current events with coworkers. I'd typically steer the conversation back to my job (which is what I'm supposed to be doing anyway). > > Any socializing after work, I'd stick to safe subjects like family, clients, sports, etc. > > Is that what you're looking for as well? Or are you interested in talking about politics with like minded coworkers? Or do you want coworkers with different views as long as they respect yours? I'm an opinionated person and I don't mind sharing my opinion. That being said, I can avoid talking politics at work. If I do share my opinion, I don't even mind if someone gets into a heated debate with me -- I can get over it. What I'm specifically concerned about is being blackballed long-term because we don't agree. > I've never been privy to this, so I'm curious what this situation was like for you and how you felt pressured. Any example you can share? Or is this more about trying to prevent a possible situation? This isn't quite the same, but it's tangential. I had a former coworker who would try to tightly control conversation that occurred in the office. Her sensitivity was sky high. EVERYTHING was a personal attack somehow. Working with her was absolute misery. It killed office camaraderie and we had no fun whatsoever. This was pre-COVID, when office common-space chats were still common. After that experience, I don't want to work in an environment where people can't be adults and do some emotional regulation where it's appropriate. I'm with you generally. There are strategies to mitigate some of that stuff at work. While you don't HAVE to like the people you work with, it sure does help.
- awb 5y ago
  Gotcha, thanks for the context. I've definitely left companies because of personality conflicts with coworkers. It's just unbearable sometimes. I'm a recruiter and I work with a lot of startups. Best recommendation I have without ruffling too many feathers is to ask about the founding team / management team and their previous success stories. It's not a perfect solution, but in my experience teams with a history of successful products or acquisitions have a lower level of bullshit. They're just more focused on the product and less focused on emotional games. If you don't mind ruffling some feathers, then maybe try to sneak in a comment about a slightly edgy topic or current event and see where it takes you. Otherwise, you can look for buzzwords in job posts that might signal company values you may or may not be in alignment with.

lovich 5y ago

If the pronouns are a hard line for you, you’re gonna have a tough time with what I saw on the market recently. It seems like that’s becoming a corporate standard practice. You’d need to look for places openly signaling they are anti woke