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We adopted two older kids (age 3 and 7) when we were in our 40s/30s. It was very difficult and life changing in many ways. We sacrificed a lot to bring them in

We adopted two older kids (age 3 and 7) when we were in our 40s/30s. It was very difficult and life changing in many ways. We sacrificed a lot to bring them into our lives. But - we knew that going into it. It has caused stress and strain and high blood pressure. But I also got to carry my son off the field on my shoulders when he ran in the the finally touch down to cap off an undefeated season. To hear my daughter sing like Beyoncé. We knew going into this it was going to be difficult. But we did it intentionally to save two lives from what was a life of poverty, instability, and abuse. We purposefully adopted through the State because we knew those were the kids in dire straights. I want to say I can’t believe people would “return” adopted kids, but we saw a lot during adoption training. Parents in it for the money (you get a monthly payment if your kids are classified special needs). Parents asking questions about restraining and hitting kids. Foster homes filled to the brim with kids because there is a constant shortage of homes. I hope most parents are improving the lives of those they adopt. But that 5% number is just devastating to see, but reflects the reality of who we are as a culture and a race.

the_doctah 5y ago
>but reflects the reality of who we are as a culture and a race. what does race have to do with this?
- the_af 5y ago
  I think the parent poster meant "the human race", aka "mankind".
- maxfurman 5y ago
  I think GP means race as in "the human race" - "who we are as a culture and as a people" might be a better way to phrase it
notch656a 5y ago
How could you possibly know what an 15+ year commitment is like before going into it? Did you have kids prior to adopting? I don't think it's weird at all some people wish they could 'return' their kids. It's virtually impossible to truly know what it's like until you're in it.
- mucholove 5y ago
  It probably isn’t weird to think about returning the kids…but it is certainly weird to do it. More than weird, it is disrespectful, cowardly, and inconsiderate. When you decide to have kids by adoption or by natural birth—they should never be abandoned. No matter what they do—you are with them for those ~18 years and hopefully many more. Unlike a spouse—kids are dependents. And your commitment is to make sure they have someone they can depend on.
  - notch656a 5y ago
    If you don't want your kids are you saying it's better off to keep them? Isn't adopting them out a way to make sure they have someone they can depend on? Seems to me it's more "disrespectful/weird/cowardly/inconsiderate" to make some kid suffer for years living in a home where they're unwanted.
    - TameAntelope 5y ago
      Not wanting your kids isn’t really a feeling you should act on, nor is it a feeling society ought to let you indulge.
      - notch656a 5y ago
        If "society" feels responsible for the welfare of these kids, then society should recognize a kid is better off in a home where they are wanted. This is so obvious I don't understand why it even needs explained.
        tenuousemphasis 5y ago
        Given the number of children in foster care or worse, the choice isn't between being in a home where you're wanted and one where you're not wanted, it's being in a home where you're not wanted or not in a home. Which do you think is worse for a child?

the_doctah 5y ago

>but reflects the reality of who we are as a culture and a race. what does race have to do with this?

the_af 5y ago
I think the parent poster meant "the human race", aka "mankind".
maxfurman 5y ago
I think GP means race as in "the human race" - "who we are as a culture and as a people" might be a better way to phrase it

notch656a 5y ago

How could you possibly know what an 15+ year commitment is like before going into it? Did you have kids prior to adopting? I don't think it's weird at all some people wish they could 'return' their kids. It's virtually impossible to truly know what it's like until you're in it.

mucholove 5y ago
It probably isn’t weird to think about returning the kids…but it is certainly weird to do it. More than weird, it is disrespectful, cowardly, and inconsiderate. When you decide to have kids by adoption or by natural birth—they should never be abandoned. No matter what they do—you are with them for those ~18 years and hopefully many more. Unlike a spouse—kids are dependents. And your commitment is to make sure they have someone they can depend on.
- notch656a 5y ago
  If you don't want your kids are you saying it's better off to keep them? Isn't adopting them out a way to make sure they have someone they can depend on? Seems to me it's more "disrespectful/weird/cowardly/inconsiderate" to make some kid suffer for years living in a home where they're unwanted.
  - TameAntelope 5y ago
    Not wanting your kids isn’t really a feeling you should act on, nor is it a feeling society ought to let you indulge.
    - notch656a 5y ago
      If "society" feels responsible for the welfare of these kids, then society should recognize a kid is better off in a home where they are wanted. This is so obvious I don't understand why it even needs explained.
      - tenuousemphasis 5y ago
        Given the number of children in foster care or worse, the choice isn't between being in a home where you're wanted and one where you're not wanted, it's being in a home where you're not wanted or not in a home. Which do you think is worse for a child?