"You: If I put it in the wiki you would have said to put it in the group, and if I put it in the group you would have said I should have put it in the wiki." I

"You: If I put it in the wiki you would have said to put it in the group, and if I put it in the group you would have said I should have put it in the wiki." I learned this the hard way in a corporate setting. If someone's going to damn me for doing (A) and doing (not A) then they're really just attacking me. OP's point is, tersely, a good faith coworker needs to do a bare minimum of work to show genuine interest outside of hostility. That's definitely a thing, too - few situations get to be one sided. Further, the example she gave sounds like a coworker who only makes demands or criticisms. When it's 100% demands or criticisms then it's actively destructive. This I learned from family who claim to "just be contrarians".