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I'm Indian born with British nationality and I look Indian. It doesn't bother me if people ask me where I'm from - I am often curious about where others are fro

I'm Indian born with British nationality and I look Indian. It doesn't bother me if people ask me where I'm from - I am often curious about where others are from. It does, however, start to slightly grate if upon me responding with "I'm British", I am quizzed further with "But... where are you really from?" I hear this less nowadays, but it used to be common enough to "slightly grate", particularly from older, Caucasian Brits. Not everyone that is British/American is also Caucasian. I don't think you should stop asking people where they are from. But perhaps don't interrogate them (we get enough of that at airports), implying that they're obstructing their true origin from you. Also, tone matters, whether you like it or not. Saying "where are you from" can sound genuinely curious, but it can easily sound disgusted and derogatory. On any implied caste system, I can speak for the London tech startup world in which I've worked for several years. I've probably had dozens of (South) Asian colleagues and have never noticed the slightest hint of intra-Asian racism or classism.

pinephoneguy 5y ago
Obviously your ancestors aren't British so there's something to the "where are you really from" question. I've been asked similar things even as a White American.
- 12ian34 5y ago
  Sure, but imagine the scenario that you're one of about 5 non-white people in your entire school life, and the area you lived in has a similar demographic. You might feel generally more alienated from society. It might make it slightly harder to accept/understand your own identity, and being quizzed about it further (at times when you've already mentioned your nationality) is unlikely to help.
- camtarn 5y ago
  It has rather different connotations in Britain. As far as I understand it from Americans I know, quite a few people in the US have a fascination with where their, and others', ancestors came from, so it could be a fairly innocuous question. Pretty much any American I know would happily rattle off an answer of 'oh, I'm half Irish, a quarter French, and a quarter Spanish' or something similar. Here in the UK, even though we're also a nation of immigrants and invaders throughout history, there is much more of an attitude of 'people whose ancestors have always been here' ('British') versus 'immigrants' ('not really British') - even if the 'immigrants' are from families who have also been here for generations. So yeah. Generally 'but where are you really from?' means something a little like 'I don't believe that you're one of us people who have always been here'. Whether that's malicious or just naive depends on the person, but I can imagine it gets pretty tiring. (I'm the son of a Chinese immigrant, but due to my other parent being Scottish I pass for white and thus I've never actually been asked the question!)
  - dboreham 5y ago
    "Where are you from" means the same in the US (source: moved from UK to US 25 years ago). Someone who is interested in your ethnic background would ask "what's your your heritage" or perhaps "what are you?". "Where are you from?" is always going to mean Where did you personally physically come from.
    - camtarn 5y ago
      Thank you for the clarification :)
  - rendall 5y ago
    When I have given a shy smile and an interested "What is your ancestry?" followed by, if sincere, "You have a really cool look!", I have often gotten very interesting answers and nearly never any offense. Once someone I asked had 8 heritages bestowed by 8 great grand parents, including Sephardic, Chinese, Cree, African-American and Swedish! I'll ask "Where are you from?" as a way to understand someone's heritage only if it's obvious, from accent or other markers, that they are literally from another country.
- User23 5y ago
  Ancestry is pretty common small talk for White Americans. I like learning more about people and the world so I like to ask people about where they’re from. The immigrants I’ve spoken to are proud of their heritage and don’t take offense. I have noticed though that their descendants can take offense, perhaps because they take it as implying they’re somehow inauthentic. All that’s required is a little delicacy. Instead of asking “where are you really from” instead ask something like “it sounds like your family has a really interesting story, would you like to tell me about it?”
- not2b 5y ago
  No, it isn't phrased the same way. If you have an ethnic-sounding last name but don't have a foreign accent you might be asked about your ancestry, but they won't say "where are you REALLY from" with the stress on the word "really", the way it's said to, say, someone with Asian ancestry, born in the US, who answers "I'm from Chicago".
deleted 5y ago
[deleted]
stickfigure 5y ago
This is on topic and pretty damn funny: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RU_htgjlMVE https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RU_htgjlMVE
AussieWog93 5y ago
>"where are you from" Based on the fact that you took some (minor) offense to the followup questions, I'm assuming you're middle-class or higher? I've spent a decent chunk of my adult life living in working class, high-immigrant areas (Noble Park and Sunshine, to any other Melbournians - both actually really nice places). What struck me as interesting is that in these environments, probing about one's ethnicity is nothing more than smalltalk. Everybody has one; they're curious about yours and will ask directly. In more upper-middle-class environments, though, it can be really taken the other way as ethnicity is something semi-taboo that needs to be treated far more carefully.
- andrewf 5y ago
  I moved from Australia to the US and I agree. It was small talk as a kid in Australia (where 30% of residents are born overseas), and it's a no-no in the US. Possibly I was offending some folks in Australia.. in 2022, as a white man without Mediterranean roots, I'd probably not say your username out loud in either country :)
  - AussieWog93 5y ago
    >in 2022, as a white man without Mediterranean roots, I'd probably not say your username out loud in either country :) If you'd like, I'd be more than happy to print you off a W-word pass. :P
- TheOtherHobbes 5y ago
  It's a fairly common observation that there's more middle class racism than working class racism. Working class racism certainly exists and can be very nasty, but it's not endemic and casual in the way it can be among the middle classes. One possible explanation is that the working classes know they're at the bottom of the heap, while the middle classes are much more finely tuned to differentiation markers of all kinds. https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2019/mar/07/white-working-class-bigotry-midde-income-earners-prejudice https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2019/mar/07/white-...
cameronh90 5y ago
Is there a correct way to ask about your family background/ ethnicity/whatever? For context, I am a white English-seeming (but not actually) person in London. I never ask, as I don't want to offend, however I am often quite curious. Not because I doubt anyone's claim to being British - most British Indians are likely more British than I am. Usually, I just want to talk about food, ask if you've been to India, hear your life experiences, reminisce about when I visited India, etc. One of my favourite work relationships was with an older Indian man who, when he found out I was vegetarian and liked Indian food, he would bring me food his wife had made and give me recipes to cook myself. Sadly he died of Covid, but I still cook the recipes he gave me often - albeit with less ghee. I feel like it's a little sad that racists have made it hard to talk about any issue touching on ethnicity without worrying that one may be coming from a place of hatred or aggression. My girlfriend is a Filipina so I can pick up the accent, and when I was making small talk with someone I asked if they were from the Philippines. They said yes, but instantly clammed up and didn't really talk to me for the rest of the interaction. But hey, I'm autistic so maybe I'm misunderstanding what I did wrong.
- stuxnet79 5y ago
  As a visible minority who has lived in a western country for more than 2 decades I bristle every time I'm asked this question. The majority of the time it isn't asked from a place of genuine curiosity but as a way of boxing you in and "other"ing you. I shouldn't need to justify my existence to you just because my skin color stands out. Also restricting your exploration to just food topics doesn't make you curious or cultured. There's more to experiencing a culture than looking up a recipe online, going to an "authentic" restaurant or going backpacking while surrounded by expats of a similar cultural background as you. Ultimately I'm not a zoo animal for you to poke or probe at. I'm a complicated individual with my own personal story just like you are & I deserve the same respect I give you. How would you feel if I just met you and started interrogating you on whether you are an Angle, Saxon or a Jute? Now how would you feel if every single non-white person you met asked you this dozens of times over the span of a decade?
  - random314 5y ago

pinephoneguy 5y ago

Obviously your ancestors aren't British so there's something to the "where are you really from" question. I've been asked similar things even as a White American.

12ian34 5y ago
Sure, but imagine the scenario that you're one of about 5 non-white people in your entire school life, and the area you lived in has a similar demographic. You might feel generally more alienated from society. It might make it slightly harder to accept/understand your own identity, and being quizzed about it further (at times when you've already mentioned your nationality) is unlikely to help.
camtarn 5y ago
It has rather different connotations in Britain. As far as I understand it from Americans I know, quite a few people in the US have a fascination with where their, and others', ancestors came from, so it could be a fairly innocuous question. Pretty much any American I know would happily rattle off an answer of 'oh, I'm half Irish, a quarter French, and a quarter Spanish' or something similar. Here in the UK, even though we're also a nation of immigrants and invaders throughout history, there is much more of an attitude of 'people whose ancestors have always been here' ('British') versus 'immigrants' ('not really British') - even if the 'immigrants' are from families who have also been here for generations. So yeah. Generally 'but where are you really from?' means something a little like 'I don't believe that you're one of us people who have always been here'. Whether that's malicious or just naive depends on the person, but I can imagine it gets pretty tiring. (I'm the son of a Chinese immigrant, but due to my other parent being Scottish I pass for white and thus I've never actually been asked the question!)
- dboreham 5y ago
  "Where are you from" means the same in the US (source: moved from UK to US 25 years ago). Someone who is interested in your ethnic background would ask "what's your your heritage" or perhaps "what are you?". "Where are you from?" is always going to mean Where did you personally physically come from.
  - camtarn 5y ago
    Thank you for the clarification :)
- rendall 5y ago
  When I have given a shy smile and an interested "What is your ancestry?" followed by, if sincere, "You have a really cool look!", I have often gotten very interesting answers and nearly never any offense. Once someone I asked had 8 heritages bestowed by 8 great grand parents, including Sephardic, Chinese, Cree, African-American and Swedish! I'll ask "Where are you from?" as a way to understand someone's heritage only if it's obvious, from accent or other markers, that they are literally from another country.
User23 5y ago
Ancestry is pretty common small talk for White Americans. I like learning more about people and the world so I like to ask people about where they’re from. The immigrants I’ve spoken to are proud of their heritage and don’t take offense. I have noticed though that their descendants can take offense, perhaps because they take it as implying they’re somehow inauthentic. All that’s required is a little delicacy. Instead of asking “where are you really from” instead ask something like “it sounds like your family has a really interesting story, would you like to tell me about it?”
not2b 5y ago
No, it isn't phrased the same way. If you have an ethnic-sounding last name but don't have a foreign accent you might be asked about your ancestry, but they won't say "where are you REALLY from" with the stress on the word "really", the way it's said to, say, someone with Asian ancestry, born in the US, who answers "I'm from Chicago".

deleted 5y ago

[deleted]

stickfigure 5y ago

This is on topic and pretty damn funny: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RU_htgjlMVE https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RU_htgjlMVE

AussieWog93 5y ago

>"where are you from" Based on the fact that you took some (minor) offense to the followup questions, I'm assuming you're middle-class or higher? I've spent a decent chunk of my adult life living in working class, high-immigrant areas (Noble Park and Sunshine, to any other Melbournians - both actually really nice places). What struck me as interesting is that in these environments, probing about one's ethnicity is nothing more than smalltalk. Everybody has one; they're curious about yours and will ask directly. In more upper-middle-class environments, though, it can be really taken the other way as ethnicity is something semi-taboo that needs to be treated far more carefully.

andrewf 5y ago
I moved from Australia to the US and I agree. It was small talk as a kid in Australia (where 30% of residents are born overseas), and it's a no-no in the US. Possibly I was offending some folks in Australia.. in 2022, as a white man without Mediterranean roots, I'd probably not say your username out loud in either country :)
- AussieWog93 5y ago
  >in 2022, as a white man without Mediterranean roots, I'd probably not say your username out loud in either country :) If you'd like, I'd be more than happy to print you off a W-word pass. :P
TheOtherHobbes 5y ago
It's a fairly common observation that there's more middle class racism than working class racism. Working class racism certainly exists and can be very nasty, but it's not endemic and casual in the way it can be among the middle classes. One possible explanation is that the working classes know they're at the bottom of the heap, while the middle classes are much more finely tuned to differentiation markers of all kinds. https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2019/mar/07/white-working-class-bigotry-midde-income-earners-prejudice https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2019/mar/07/white-...

cameronh90 5y ago

Is there a correct way to ask about your family background/ ethnicity/whatever? For context, I am a white English-seeming (but not actually) person in London. I never ask, as I don't want to offend, however I am often quite curious. Not because I doubt anyone's claim to being British - most British Indians are likely more British than I am. Usually, I just want to talk about food, ask if you've been to India, hear your life experiences, reminisce about when I visited India, etc. One of my favourite work relationships was with an older Indian man who, when he found out I was vegetarian and liked Indian food, he would bring me food his wife had made and give me recipes to cook myself. Sadly he died of Covid, but I still cook the recipes he gave me often - albeit with less ghee. I feel like it's a little sad that racists have made it hard to talk about any issue touching on ethnicity without worrying that one may be coming from a place of hatred or aggression. My girlfriend is a Filipina so I can pick up the accent, and when I was making small talk with someone I asked if they were from the Philippines. They said yes, but instantly clammed up and didn't really talk to me for the rest of the interaction. But hey, I'm autistic so maybe I'm misunderstanding what I did wrong.

stuxnet79 5y ago
As a visible minority who has lived in a western country for more than 2 decades I bristle every time I'm asked this question. The majority of the time it isn't asked from a place of genuine curiosity but as a way of boxing you in and "other"ing you. I shouldn't need to justify my existence to you just because my skin color stands out. Also restricting your exploration to just food topics doesn't make you curious or cultured. There's more to experiencing a culture than looking up a recipe online, going to an "authentic" restaurant or going backpacking while surrounded by expats of a similar cultural background as you. Ultimately I'm not a zoo animal for you to poke or probe at. I'm a complicated individual with my own personal story just like you are & I deserve the same respect I give you. How would you feel if I just met you and started interrogating you on whether you are an Angle, Saxon or a Jute? Now how would you feel if every single non-white person you met asked you this dozens of times over the span of a decade?
- random314 5y ago