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Unfortunately, this does not solve the problem that many hackers that I know have. They would have no trouble selecting between a number of different applicants

Unfortunately, this does not solve the problem that many hackers that I know have. They would have no trouble selecting between a number of different applicants/candidates - they are having trouble with generating "deal flow" in the first place, a.k.a actually meeting women. They work 40-90 hours a week in an insular, male-dominated industry. Where do they get the time and the energy to get the exposure to hone the skillset that enables talking to women?

DeusExMachina 15y ago
I can understand your point, but I think that in the end it's always feasible. If you want to meet more women you have to realize they won't come to knock on your door. So you have to give up a couple of hours in the evening where instead if working you go out with the objective to meet more women.
- danenania 15y ago
  Just going out with the vague intention of meeting women isn't going to get you anywhere as a nerdy type of guy. A better approach is to do things that you'll enjoy anyway where talking and getting to know others (including women) is a core part of the activity. A few that come to mind: creative writing groups, acting groups, language learning groups and exchanges, book clubs. I'm sure there are plenty of others. Besides being generally intellectually rewarding activities, women are usually the majority in groups like these, and they are likely to be smart and interesting to boot. The emphasis is also taken off of small talk and social poise, and placed instead on intelligence, creativity, authenticity, and other traits that nerds excel in. Even if you don't meet the girl of your dreams, you can at least have a good time, develop your mind in some new directions, and expand your social circle a bit.
  - wladimir 15y ago
    Excellent suggestion! That has been my experience as well. It's better to focus on auxiliary activities where you'll meet women as part of the group, and have to work with them, instead of focusing on dating. It's much less awkward (as there are no high expectations), you're bound to have at least one shared interest, and you get to know them how they are in daily life...
  - adrianN 15y ago
    How about people who don't like activities where talking and getting to know other people is a core part?
    - sltkr 15y ago
      If you don't want to talk to or get to know anyone, why are you looking for a girlfriend?
  - DeusExMachina 15y ago
    Yes, thank you for the addition. I was meaning these activities, even though only in an implied manner. Going out and talking to a woman out of nothing is hard stuff that requires a lot of effort and the right personality. Another couple of activities you can add to the list are singing in a choir and dancing (I dance tango, for example). In both cases you are pretty much guaranteed that women will exceed men in number.
    - john_b 15y ago
      I'll second the dancing idea. Salsa and other types of latin dance are especially good, since the culture of those dance forms is (generally) that there is nothing wrong in asking a girl to dance whether she is in a relationship or not. But if you're the introverted type and not comfortable with your dance skills (like me when I started), you still have to swallow your pride and get out there. There is no getting around that. Just don't go join a dance club (or any other hobby-based group) with the sole intention of meeting women because (1) you won't enjoy it and (2) the women will sense it.
- sltkr 15y ago
  It's funny that your suggestion is the opposite of the currently top-rated comment (which I didn't read, because it's a 1700 word essay without any capitalization). (For what it's worth, I think you have it right.)
  - kirubakaran 15y ago
    It's worth reading that essay. http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=3051914 http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=3051914
dev_jim 15y ago
Try OKCupid or a similar dating website. It gives you the opportunity to meet new women at your convenience by initiating contact through a 3-line email. And if they respond you know they are interested. As far as skill set...just be yourself and talk about your interests and her interests. Having some sort of 'game' or whatever isn't going to work very well on educated women.
- klipt 15y ago
  Unless your pictures are very attractive, I think you need some "game" just to get people on OkCupid to write back to you. For example I find my reply rate goes up a lot when I inject humor into my first message (whereas in real life I might save the jokes for when an opportunity arises naturally in the conversation).
  - HeyLaughingBoy 15y ago
    That's life, isn't it? We all have to show ourselves in a good light if we want people to like us. I'm married (met my wife online as a booty call/hookup), but the main lesson I remember from online dating was from the woman who commented, "...you don't sound at all desperate." I didn't understand, so after we met, she showed me a sample of messages she got from guys and I couldn't believe how absolutely awful they all came across. Other women since that verified the same thing: 99% of men they met online seemed like losers at first glance so they just hit <delete> and moved on. Basically, sound like a friendly person with a sense of humor and you're way ahead of 90% of the rest of people looking for love & sex online.
  - dev_jim 15y ago
    I live in NYC where I'm pretty sure I'm about as average looking as they get :) I usually just write a quick 2-3 liner about some shared interest or something I found interesting about her profile. Reply rate is about 33% (OKCupid has a ton of stats, is there a way to find out the actual rate?). Maybe that's game? I just see it as natural conversation.
    - klipt 15y ago
cloudkj 15y ago
Similarly, the stable marriage problem provides a mathematical basis for encouraging hackers to put themselves out there and take initiative in seeking out potential mates as the Gale-Shapley algorithm proves that the end result is optimal for the suitors, i.e. those that take action.

DeusExMachina 15y ago

I can understand your point, but I think that in the end it's always feasible. If you want to meet more women you have to realize they won't come to knock on your door. So you have to give up a couple of hours in the evening where instead if working you go out with the objective to meet more women.

danenania 15y ago
Just going out with the vague intention of meeting women isn't going to get you anywhere as a nerdy type of guy. A better approach is to do things that you'll enjoy anyway where talking and getting to know others (including women) is a core part of the activity. A few that come to mind: creative writing groups, acting groups, language learning groups and exchanges, book clubs. I'm sure there are plenty of others. Besides being generally intellectually rewarding activities, women are usually the majority in groups like these, and they are likely to be smart and interesting to boot. The emphasis is also taken off of small talk and social poise, and placed instead on intelligence, creativity, authenticity, and other traits that nerds excel in. Even if you don't meet the girl of your dreams, you can at least have a good time, develop your mind in some new directions, and expand your social circle a bit.
- wladimir 15y ago
  Excellent suggestion! That has been my experience as well. It's better to focus on auxiliary activities where you'll meet women as part of the group, and have to work with them, instead of focusing on dating. It's much less awkward (as there are no high expectations), you're bound to have at least one shared interest, and you get to know them how they are in daily life...
- adrianN 15y ago
  How about people who don't like activities where talking and getting to know other people is a core part?
  - sltkr 15y ago
    If you don't want to talk to or get to know anyone, why are you looking for a girlfriend?
- DeusExMachina 15y ago
  Yes, thank you for the addition. I was meaning these activities, even though only in an implied manner. Going out and talking to a woman out of nothing is hard stuff that requires a lot of effort and the right personality. Another couple of activities you can add to the list are singing in a choir and dancing (I dance tango, for example). In both cases you are pretty much guaranteed that women will exceed men in number.
  - john_b 15y ago
    I'll second the dancing idea. Salsa and other types of latin dance are especially good, since the culture of those dance forms is (generally) that there is nothing wrong in asking a girl to dance whether she is in a relationship or not. But if you're the introverted type and not comfortable with your dance skills (like me when I started), you still have to swallow your pride and get out there. There is no getting around that. Just don't go join a dance club (or any other hobby-based group) with the sole intention of meeting women because (1) you won't enjoy it and (2) the women will sense it.
sltkr 15y ago
It's funny that your suggestion is the opposite of the currently top-rated comment (which I didn't read, because it's a 1700 word essay without any capitalization). (For what it's worth, I think you have it right.)
- kirubakaran 15y ago
  It's worth reading that essay. http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=3051914 http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=3051914

dev_jim 15y ago

Try OKCupid or a similar dating website. It gives you the opportunity to meet new women at your convenience by initiating contact through a 3-line email. And if they respond you know they are interested. As far as skill set...just be yourself and talk about your interests and her interests. Having some sort of 'game' or whatever isn't going to work very well on educated women.

klipt 15y ago
Unless your pictures are very attractive, I think you need some "game" just to get people on OkCupid to write back to you. For example I find my reply rate goes up a lot when I inject humor into my first message (whereas in real life I might save the jokes for when an opportunity arises naturally in the conversation).
- HeyLaughingBoy 15y ago
  That's life, isn't it? We all have to show ourselves in a good light if we want people to like us. I'm married (met my wife online as a booty call/hookup), but the main lesson I remember from online dating was from the woman who commented, "...you don't sound at all desperate." I didn't understand, so after we met, she showed me a sample of messages she got from guys and I couldn't believe how absolutely awful they all came across. Other women since that verified the same thing: 99% of men they met online seemed like losers at first glance so they just hit <delete> and moved on. Basically, sound like a friendly person with a sense of humor and you're way ahead of 90% of the rest of people looking for love & sex online.
- dev_jim 15y ago
  I live in NYC where I'm pretty sure I'm about as average looking as they get :) I usually just write a quick 2-3 liner about some shared interest or something I found interesting about her profile. Reply rate is about 33% (OKCupid has a ton of stats, is there a way to find out the actual rate?). Maybe that's game? I just see it as natural conversation.
  - klipt 15y ago

cloudkj 15y ago

Similarly, the stable marriage problem provides a mathematical basis for encouraging hackers to put themselves out there and take initiative in seeking out potential mates as the Gale-Shapley algorithm proves that the end result is optimal for the suitors, i.e. those that take action.