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The most effective way to networking is to have a "networking wingman". Going solo as an introvert sounds pretty easy on paper but you never can do it. You fear

The most effective way to networking is to have a "networking wingman". Going solo as an introvert sounds pretty easy on paper but you never can do it. You fear that the moment you say "hi" to a group they will roll their eyes because you disrupted their flow. So having a wingman will work miracle. You can bring a friend or you can chat up someone you are comfortable with and ease them into playing the role of a wingman.

mooreds 5y ago
I actually like the conversational hook. Here's an article I wrote about it from a few years ago https://letterstoanewdeveloper.com/2019/02/25/use-a-conversational-hook-when-networking-with-strangers/ https://letterstoanewdeveloper.com/2019/02/25/use-a-conversa... But I think the post author does a great job of outlining the whole process. Key points: * have fun, try not to put pressure on yourself * get into the conversation normally * make it about the other person (but not to the point of fanboy/fangirl) * keep it short (a few minutes, 10 max) * ask if you can follow up * if given permission, follow up! (few folks do this, it can really separate you from the pack)
- kirso 5y ago
  This, I always say pressured networking is like going to a urinal (as a guy) and try hard to squeeze something out. Even if you have a need, a good chance is nothing comes out. But when you relax, it just flows... like a conversation :) When you have fun, you are authentic and relaxed, people can read that subconsciously and also relax Obviously it is not easy to relax, but its possible to train yourself particularly if you understand: When you are scared about what people think of you. Its actually your ego saying that you are somehow important. Its not about you, world doesn't really care and people forget. Once you understand that and do it a few times, you realise even if you get rejected. Nothing happens. Practical exercise: Go to a Starbucks and when ordering ask for 10% discount. You might be surprised about the results. If they negate and ask why? You just say: because its a wonderful day and you are amazing! Who cares what happens? They want bite your head off and you will realise its not a big deal.
  - FeepingCreature 5y ago
    > When you have fun, you are authentic and relaxed, people can read that subconsciously and also relax This seems like the sort of well-meaning advice that leads to people burning a lot of bridges when it doesn't apply to them.
    - kirso 5y ago
      Can you elaborate?
      - FeepingCreature 5y ago
        Having fun and relaxing as a social technique is enormously improved by being able to read social cues so that you can behave in a way that also allows others to have fun and relax. Without that, you just end up talking about some niche interest that nobody cares about for five hours in a row, not letting anyone get a word in edgewise, and are never invited back. To an autistic person, I would give the advice to not have fun and relax, but to very deliberately try to shape the conversation so that an equitable level of having fun and relaxation is had by the participants. This is a skill that can be built, and as one builds the skill, its presence will make it a lot easier to have fun and relax because you can be confident that you can estimate your interest budget accurately. At any rate, barring a lot of experience you should assume that everybody else is communicating by the most subtle and illegible of cues and almost ignore any object-level content they say about interestingness. Compare this SMBC https://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/reviews https://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/reviews As an additional data source, run conscious game theory to determine what people's reaction should be from first principles, then give maybe 30% credence that this is what their actual opinion is, no matter what they say.
  - mooreds 5y ago
    > When you are scared about what people think of you. ... Its not about you, world doesn't really care and people forget. This so much! What is funny is that 95% of the time you are worried about what people think about you, but they are not thinking about you. They are thinking about themselves (the same thing you are doing). Once I realized that, conversation with strangers becomes a lot easier.

mooreds 5y ago

I actually like the conversational hook. Here's an article I wrote about it from a few years ago https://letterstoanewdeveloper.com/2019/02/25/use-a-conversational-hook-when-networking-with-strangers/ https://letterstoanewdeveloper.com/2019/02/25/use-a-conversa... But I think the post author does a great job of outlining the whole process. Key points: * have fun, try not to put pressure on yourself * get into the conversation normally * make it about the other person (but not to the point of fanboy/fangirl) * keep it short (a few minutes, 10 max) * ask if you can follow up * if given permission, follow up! (few folks do this, it can really separate you from the pack)

kirso 5y ago
This, I always say pressured networking is like going to a urinal (as a guy) and try hard to squeeze something out. Even if you have a need, a good chance is nothing comes out. But when you relax, it just flows... like a conversation :) When you have fun, you are authentic and relaxed, people can read that subconsciously and also relax Obviously it is not easy to relax, but its possible to train yourself particularly if you understand: When you are scared about what people think of you. Its actually your ego saying that you are somehow important. Its not about you, world doesn't really care and people forget. Once you understand that and do it a few times, you realise even if you get rejected. Nothing happens. Practical exercise: Go to a Starbucks and when ordering ask for 10% discount. You might be surprised about the results. If they negate and ask why? You just say: because its a wonderful day and you are amazing! Who cares what happens? They want bite your head off and you will realise its not a big deal.
- FeepingCreature 5y ago
  > When you have fun, you are authentic and relaxed, people can read that subconsciously and also relax This seems like the sort of well-meaning advice that leads to people burning a lot of bridges when it doesn't apply to them.
  - kirso 5y ago
    Can you elaborate?
    - FeepingCreature 5y ago
      Having fun and relaxing as a social technique is enormously improved by being able to read social cues so that you can behave in a way that also allows others to have fun and relax. Without that, you just end up talking about some niche interest that nobody cares about for five hours in a row, not letting anyone get a word in edgewise, and are never invited back. To an autistic person, I would give the advice to not have fun and relax, but to very deliberately try to shape the conversation so that an equitable level of having fun and relaxation is had by the participants. This is a skill that can be built, and as one builds the skill, its presence will make it a lot easier to have fun and relax because you can be confident that you can estimate your interest budget accurately. At any rate, barring a lot of experience you should assume that everybody else is communicating by the most subtle and illegible of cues and almost ignore any object-level content they say about interestingness. Compare this SMBC https://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/reviews https://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/reviews As an additional data source, run conscious game theory to determine what people's reaction should be from first principles, then give maybe 30% credence that this is what their actual opinion is, no matter what they say.
- mooreds 5y ago
  > When you are scared about what people think of you. ... Its not about you, world doesn't really care and people forget. This so much! What is funny is that 95% of the time you are worried about what people think about you, but they are not thinking about you. They are thinking about themselves (the same thing you are doing). Once I realized that, conversation with strangers becomes a lot easier.