4 ms·

Yup - It's people that lack friends and a social circle and want work to force others to spend time with them

dgfitz 5y ago
I just professionally blew a gasket about this at work. I sit in a lab, and for the past 2 months there have been a steady stream of people walking in all day long starting a conversation with a work question and then spend the next 30+ minutes just trying to bullshit. Said question could be answered with a chat or an email. I’m happy to bullshit for a minute, ideally not when I’m trying to concentrate. I tried things like putting headphones in, not making eye contact, cussing at my screen while they’re mid sentence, nothing worked. (Engineers amirite ;) ) I finally escalated it and the visits have since stopped. I get the questions over email and chat now. I still chat with the same people for a minute if I see them in the hall or a break room. I don’t go to work to entertain people. I have 3 young kids at home. I don’t have time to work hardly at all when I’m not in the office. I have come to resent people who essentially expect me to entertain them AND can’t seem to take a fucking hint. /rant
- azinman2 5y ago
  However there is a balance because that bullshitting is serving an important function: creating social capital and a sense of camaraderie. There needs to be room to develop relationships otherwise you lose the team part of work.
  - makeitdouble 5y ago
    It's been almost 2 years now in full remote for a bunch of us. I don't think we're working less as a team than compared to previous places I worked in. I know way less about the other persons lives for sure, and there is less "personal" discussions (perhaps half less ?). But regarding work related communication, dealing with emergencies or anything that mattered in a work context I don't see critical missing bits.
- corobo 5y ago
  Have you tried not hinting? I don’t mean tell them to fuck off and die or anything, make it tactful of course. Lotta people out there who don’t notice your hints or will even actively ignore them if they’re only hints. Sounds like you got what you wanted when you stopped hinting. Don’t hint, say! Trying the same thing over expecting different results etc etc is madness etc
  - dgfitz 5y ago
    I understand your point. I didn't try the same thing, I tried lots of different things. There were a few times where I would even say "hey I need to get back to this is there anything else you needed?" which worked maybe 30% of the time. "Oh no thanks for the help... hey did you hear about $THING?"
blub 5y ago
Friends and a social circle are complementary to professional socialisation. And no, going to meet-ups and conferences isn't a replacement either. It's very nice to be able to discuss with colleagues impromptu about new projects, what they're working on, what new tech they're studying, etc. Or to walk into a discussion in the kitchen about a refactoring, new libraries, etc. But if one just stays on their chair X hours with their head in the monitor and never talks to anyone they won't miss the above either. Same for people working for 5 person start-ups where everyone knows what everyone else is doing.

I just professionally blew a gasket about this at work. I sit in a lab, and for the past 2 months there have been a steady stream of people walking in all day long starting a conversation with a work question and then spend the next 30+ minutes just trying to bullshit. Said question could be answered with a chat or an email. I’m happy to bullshit for a minute, ideally not when I’m trying to concentrate. I tried things like putting headphones in, not making eye contact, cussing at my screen while they’re mid sentence, nothing worked. (Engineers amirite ;) ) I finally escalated it and the visits have since stopped. I get the questions over email and chat now. I still chat with the same people for a minute if I see them in the hall or a break room. I don’t go to work to entertain people. I have 3 young kids at home. I don’t have time to work hardly at all when I’m not in the office. I have come to resent people who essentially expect me to entertain them AND can’t seem to take a fucking hint. /rant

azinman2 5y ago
However there is a balance because that bullshitting is serving an important function: creating social capital and a sense of camaraderie. There needs to be room to develop relationships otherwise you lose the team part of work.
- makeitdouble 5y ago
  It's been almost 2 years now in full remote for a bunch of us. I don't think we're working less as a team than compared to previous places I worked in. I know way less about the other persons lives for sure, and there is less "personal" discussions (perhaps half less ?). But regarding work related communication, dealing with emergencies or anything that mattered in a work context I don't see critical missing bits.
corobo 5y ago
Have you tried not hinting? I don’t mean tell them to fuck off and die or anything, make it tactful of course. Lotta people out there who don’t notice your hints or will even actively ignore them if they’re only hints. Sounds like you got what you wanted when you stopped hinting. Don’t hint, say! Trying the same thing over expecting different results etc etc is madness etc
- dgfitz 5y ago
  I understand your point. I didn't try the same thing, I tried lots of different things. There were a few times where I would even say "hey I need to get back to this is there anything else you needed?" which worked maybe 30% of the time. "Oh no thanks for the help... hey did you hear about $THING?"

blub 5y ago

Friends and a social circle are complementary to professional socialisation. And no, going to meet-ups and conferences isn't a replacement either. It's very nice to be able to discuss with colleagues impromptu about new projects, what they're working on, what new tech they're studying, etc. Or to walk into a discussion in the kitchen about a refactoring, new libraries, etc. But if one just stays on their chair X hours with their head in the monitor and never talks to anyone they won't miss the above either. Same for people working for 5 person start-ups where everyone knows what everyone else is doing.