> I just don’t think you can turn off billions of years of selective pressures around these feelings. Maybe you can choose to ignore them, but I’m not so sure.

> I just don’t think you can turn off billions of years of selective pressures around these feelings. Maybe you can choose to ignore them, but I’m not so sure. I've been involved in non-monogamous (and sometimes polyamorous) relationships for the past 7 years or so. What I've found is there are other options besides turning off or ignoring difficult feelings. The best option, for me at least, has been simply learning how to deal with them. For example, jealousy frequently manifests as an obsessive rumination about the new paramour and your partner's feelings for them. There are a thousand leaves on that tree, and no solace to be found even if you pluck each and every one of them. What matters are the hidden roots of jealousy, which usually consist of insecurity, fueled by uncertainty. Does my partner still want me? Are they still attracted to me? Do they still love me? Do I still turn them on? What will happen? Is this the beginning of the end? Will our connection suffer? If so, how far will it slide? Will we still spend time together, share love together? These are some of the hidden questions that underly jealous ruminations and thoughts. And sometimes the best antidote is to simply ask these questions to your partner. Ask for reassurance and clarity, so you aren't suffering and wondering. I had one partner in particular who was great at anticipating these feelings during predictably tough moments, and providing loving reassurance in advance. It was magical how quickly it dissolved jealousy. Beyond that, exposure therapy work wonders. Fearing that something will harm you, then experiencing it, and surviving it with minimal harm, repeatedly. It has a dulling effect on fear. You see it in people all over the world, who can walk tight ropes, jump out of planes, perform on stage in front of millions, approach strangers on the street, etc., all without the fear and worry they had when they first started. Dealing with jealousy with a particular partner isn't a much different mountain to climb.