>it's not so obvious that young people who are having casual sex are motivated by the desire for sex so much as what casual sex means for their relationship wit

>it's not so obvious that young people who are having casual sex are motivated by the desire for sex so much as what casual sex means for their relationship with the group. This was anecdotally true for me, at least. My group of male friends put sex on a pedestal in such a way that having sex with women made me more popular and highest status my male friends, and boosted my self-esteem as well. It's not that sex wasn't enjoyable for its own sake (especially considering I had so much less of it back then), but there were strong, additional non-sex reasons to pursue sex. So it's hard to disentangle all the different motivations. > I need to see something that other people don't see and learning to see that and communicate that I see that is important. This simultaneously strikes me as both a fascinating line of thought and overly simplistic. People aren't endlessly, perfectly competitive and rational the way many economic models assume we are. Sometimes being a reliable, quality, present, and attentive companion is enough to win a person's love and affection, even if there's someone "better" out there who might see things in them you don't see. And while seeing something unique in a person occurs in a moment, lasting companionship is lasting by definition. As you said, admiration is only the start. Still, the skill of truly seeing another person in a unique way is a good one. It's good for the people you know, and it's good for your own self, your ability to learn from others, appreciate them, and grow from meeting them.