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> Not surprising really as having young kids is like having a grenade set off in your relationship I heard this a lot before I had kids. Then we had kids and i

> Not surprising really as having young kids is like having a grenade set off in your relationship I heard this a lot before I had kids. Then we had kids and it was not only fine, but actually enjoyable. Yes, there was a short-term increase in stress and reduction in personal time, but the key factor missing from online discussions on the topic is that the stressful low-sleep, diaper-changing period isn't all that long. A couple percent of your lifetime, really. The other thing the internet kids think pieces never really mentioned was that, as a parent, you actually like your kids and spending time with them. There's so much media that portrays children as some sort of endless chore and drain on your time, but it turns out that it's actually a ton of fun to play with your kids and help them grow.

jethro_tell 5y ago
Heh, we were about the same. Add in that sweet tech oncall lifestyle for me and sleep deprivation was either not an issue or didn't change my personality basis so the stress was quite limited. The under one years were at a time in my career when I was working at 2am most nights anyway. A few minutes to hang out and take care of someone no love was a nice break. Mom slept pretty much through the night after the first couple of weeks. Decade and 1/2 in and I can't see things getting worse, but we'll see.
balfirevic 5y ago
> The other thing the internet kids think pieces never really mentioned was that, as a parent, you actually like your kids and spending time with them. Well, that's the core of the issue, isn't it? I know people who were really looking forward to having children, wanted them, and anticipated that they would enjoy it - so expected personal sacrifice was not that big of an issue. It's just what you had to do to enjoy having kids. Media that portrays children as a chore, on the other hand, matches the thought process of someone who looks at having children (potentially including their own childhood) and thinks "why would someone want that?". It was a welcome balance, speaking as someone who barely came across portrayal of children as anything other than the source of joy and something that everyone - surely - wants. It was a different media landscape 10-15 years ago, and I like the current one better even if not maximally nuanced.
m4x 5y ago
You're not wrong, but the "couple percent of your lifetime" high stress period is still long enough to irreparably damage relationships. Not everybody enjoys time with their kids, either. I'm truly glad you do, but that isn't universal. There's such a huge spectrum of experiences for parents. Listening to the experience of others in our post natal groups was really interesting for that reason. Some people just get it so easy, and some people seem to be living nightmares. There's no real rhyme or reason to it.

jethro_tell 5y ago

Heh, we were about the same. Add in that sweet tech oncall lifestyle for me and sleep deprivation was either not an issue or didn't change my personality basis so the stress was quite limited. The under one years were at a time in my career when I was working at 2am most nights anyway. A few minutes to hang out and take care of someone no love was a nice break. Mom slept pretty much through the night after the first couple of weeks. Decade and 1/2 in and I can't see things getting worse, but we'll see.

balfirevic 5y ago

> The other thing the internet kids think pieces never really mentioned was that, as a parent, you actually like your kids and spending time with them. Well, that's the core of the issue, isn't it? I know people who were really looking forward to having children, wanted them, and anticipated that they would enjoy it - so expected personal sacrifice was not that big of an issue. It's just what you had to do to enjoy having kids. Media that portrays children as a chore, on the other hand, matches the thought process of someone who looks at having children (potentially including their own childhood) and thinks "why would someone want that?". It was a welcome balance, speaking as someone who barely came across portrayal of children as anything other than the source of joy and something that everyone - surely - wants. It was a different media landscape 10-15 years ago, and I like the current one better even if not maximally nuanced.

m4x 5y ago

You're not wrong, but the "couple percent of your lifetime" high stress period is still long enough to irreparably damage relationships. Not everybody enjoys time with their kids, either. I'm truly glad you do, but that isn't universal. There's such a huge spectrum of experiences for parents. Listening to the experience of others in our post natal groups was really interesting for that reason. Some people just get it so easy, and some people seem to be living nightmares. There's no real rhyme or reason to it.