One of my childless friends like to say that children ruin everything. They're right, but they also lack the imagination that beyond the wreckage of "everything

One of my childless friends like to say that children ruin everything. They're right, but they also lack the imagination that beyond the wreckage of "everything" (e.g. your former life) is a new life that could be better than the old. It took me a long time to understand that. (I probably had postpartum depression.) What I'd tell my former self is: start doing everything in my life to optimize for my own perceived agency in this new life. I started doing the things that I'd previously delayed for "retirement" now, albeit with much smaller time investments. (Working toward decoupling time from pay.) If there are relationship issues, then start working on those, too. And, for heaven's sake, once the kid can be watched by family/friends, start doing so. Good luck. HTH!