4 ms·

Nobody even remembers being 0-6 years old. I have decided this is in part a sort of grace period for you, the parent, to get your shit together. For example, if

by ip26 5y ago

Nobody even remembers being 0-6 years old. I have decided this is in part a sort of grace period for you, the parent, to get your shit together. For example, if you have a kid at 25, you’ve got at least until 30 to secure a stable environment for them. (You are also way more motivated to do this when the kid is there) Certainly on the other hand, it makes some things easier if you don’t have to sweat the cost of a doctor visit, but it’s hardly prerequisite.

wing-_-nuts 5y ago
>Nobody even remembers being 0-6 years old. Maybe you don't have conscious memory of much of that time, but it absolutely shapes the person you will become. If you haven't, please check out the following books: The Body Keeps Score Behave What Happened to You Having said that, your psychological stability matters SO MUCH MORE than your financial stability. A parent who is kind, patient, caring, and struggling financially is going to have a much better outcome than a cold, distant parent that cannot control their anger, but can otherwise afford to provide their toddler's every whim.
- JoeAltmaier 5y ago
  I agree in principle. But some claims stretch the truth. E.g. 'suppressed memories' from early childhood are often false?
  - wing-_-nuts 5y ago
    Memory isn't reliable for any of us, but this is especially true with childhood. I certainly would not have a 4 year old testify in a trial. My point was that events absolutely do emotionally imprint from basically birth onward. There was a very unethical but interesting experiment that a pair of psychologists did on their toddler. They showed him a pet rabbit and made a loud noise to startle him. As an adult, the man was terrified of rabbits but had no idea why. Children exposed to violent parents as a child go on to have a host of issues even if they're removed from that environment. It's flat out wrong to suggest that parents get a pass from birth to 6 because 'children don't remember'.
brimble 5y ago
Some retain memories from that age range, but it isn't the norm, sure. I definitely had strong memories from age 5 or 6 that lasted well into my teen years, which surely had an effect (they were mostly bad ones—I used to do some terrible ruminating at night). Agree with he overall point that poorer material circumstances in the 0-5 age range likely has little effect, provided it's not to the point that basic things like good nutrition become a problem. > Certainly on the other hand, it makes some things easier if you don’t have to sweat the cost of a doctor visit, but it’s hardly prerequisite. Child care and healthcare costs in the US pretty much ensure that anyone with young kids who doesn't have a household income well over $100,000 is gonna feel like they're struggling. There's so-poor-you're-getting-quite-a-bit-of-assistance, which obviously feels like struggling (because it is), and then there's a big window of diminishing assistance in which those two things (especially) tend to eat all your extra income, before you finally hit a point at which it feels possible to keep your head above water without cutting expenses to the bone. It's easy to spend north of $30,000 on those two things per year, if you've got a couple kids and don't have absolute top-tier employer-provided health benefits (very few have that, and they tend to have huge salaries on top of it), and that's without splurging for, say, some super-fancy day care/school. And that's if no-one in your household has any health problems that year! And without costs for diapers, or clothes (very cheap, mostly, just buy used and in bulk), or food, or anything else. The only way to significantly diminish those costs is to have family that can take over most or all of what would otherwise be paid childcare, or to have one parent stay home, which usually only makes (financial) sense if you have lots of kids and the parent staying home had fairly low earning potential.
ntlk 5y ago
Is that really true? I have memories from the age of about 3-3.5 onwards.
- cecilpl2 5y ago
  As do I. I credit my dad with this. From a very young age he would frequently ask me what my earliest memories were, and ask me to recount them in as much detail as I could remember. That really cemented in my memory a few key moments in my life from about age 2.5 onward (the birth of my younger sister, meeting some of my childhood best friends, etc)
- AdrianB1 5y ago
  Usually only the most intense memories last from that age. This is why usually childhood trauma affects a person for life, but it is not usual to retain many memories from that age range.
sacrosancty 5y ago
No. This is utterly and dangerously wrong. It's the complete opposite. The first 1-2 years have the biggest impact on the child's psychological health as an adult. It's also when their personality is formed. There's a reason child abuse is such a serious crime. It destroys people. But even common behaviors like showing frustration and anger can be harmful. So is suppressing them. Infants read emotions well because its essential to their survival. If you are inconsistently caring or fake caring, it can cause them to be unable to have a secure relationship themselves as an adult, and they'll have no idea why. They'll probably just blame their partner and not even realize they're broken. You need to have your shit together before birth. Conscious memory of events has nothing to do with it.
- balfirevic 5y ago
  > The first 1-2 years have the biggest impact on the child's psychological health as an adult Do you have any sources?
- ip26 5y ago
  You need to have your shit together before birth. Certainly I don’t mean to suggest child abuse is fine when they are little. But you can’t be a perfect parent from day zero; there’s a lot of learning by doing, you can’t know how your life priorities will change, and kids don’t need material wealth when they are small outside healthcare, healthy food, etc. In other words, you don’t need to have a successful career, perfect house, etc as a prerequisite to kids. They don’t even go to public school until they are five, yet many aspiring parents want to get into the right school district before having a kid.
deleted 5y ago
[deleted]

by ip26 5y ago

wing-_-nuts 5y ago

>Nobody even remembers being 0-6 years old. Maybe you don't have conscious memory of much of that time, but it absolutely shapes the person you will become. If you haven't, please check out the following books: The Body Keeps Score Behave What Happened to You Having said that, your psychological stability matters SO MUCH MORE than your financial stability. A parent who is kind, patient, caring, and struggling financially is going to have a much better outcome than a cold, distant parent that cannot control their anger, but can otherwise afford to provide their toddler's every whim.

JoeAltmaier 5y ago
I agree in principle. But some claims stretch the truth. E.g. 'suppressed memories' from early childhood are often false?
- wing-_-nuts 5y ago
  Memory isn't reliable for any of us, but this is especially true with childhood. I certainly would not have a 4 year old testify in a trial. My point was that events absolutely do emotionally imprint from basically birth onward. There was a very unethical but interesting experiment that a pair of psychologists did on their toddler. They showed him a pet rabbit and made a loud noise to startle him. As an adult, the man was terrified of rabbits but had no idea why. Children exposed to violent parents as a child go on to have a host of issues even if they're removed from that environment. It's flat out wrong to suggest that parents get a pass from birth to 6 because 'children don't remember'.

brimble 5y ago

Some retain memories from that age range, but it isn't the norm, sure. I definitely had strong memories from age 5 or 6 that lasted well into my teen years, which surely had an effect (they were mostly bad ones—I used to do some terrible ruminating at night). Agree with he overall point that poorer material circumstances in the 0-5 age range likely has little effect, provided it's not to the point that basic things like good nutrition become a problem. > Certainly on the other hand, it makes some things easier if you don’t have to sweat the cost of a doctor visit, but it’s hardly prerequisite. Child care and healthcare costs in the US pretty much ensure that anyone with young kids who doesn't have a household income well over $100,000 is gonna feel like they're struggling. There's so-poor-you're-getting-quite-a-bit-of-assistance, which obviously feels like struggling (because it is), and then there's a big window of diminishing assistance in which those two things (especially) tend to eat all your extra income, before you finally hit a point at which it feels possible to keep your head above water without cutting expenses to the bone. It's easy to spend north of $30,000 on those two things per year, if you've got a couple kids and don't have absolute top-tier employer-provided health benefits (very few have that, and they tend to have huge salaries on top of it), and that's without splurging for, say, some super-fancy day care/school. And that's if no-one in your household has any health problems that year! And without costs for diapers, or clothes (very cheap, mostly, just buy used and in bulk), or food, or anything else. The only way to significantly diminish those costs is to have family that can take over most or all of what would otherwise be paid childcare, or to have one parent stay home, which usually only makes (financial) sense if you have lots of kids and the parent staying home had fairly low earning potential.

ntlk 5y ago

Is that really true? I have memories from the age of about 3-3.5 onwards.

cecilpl2 5y ago
As do I. I credit my dad with this. From a very young age he would frequently ask me what my earliest memories were, and ask me to recount them in as much detail as I could remember. That really cemented in my memory a few key moments in my life from about age 2.5 onward (the birth of my younger sister, meeting some of my childhood best friends, etc)
AdrianB1 5y ago
Usually only the most intense memories last from that age. This is why usually childhood trauma affects a person for life, but it is not usual to retain many memories from that age range.

sacrosancty 5y ago

No. This is utterly and dangerously wrong. It's the complete opposite. The first 1-2 years have the biggest impact on the child's psychological health as an adult. It's also when their personality is formed. There's a reason child abuse is such a serious crime. It destroys people. But even common behaviors like showing frustration and anger can be harmful. So is suppressing them. Infants read emotions well because its essential to their survival. If you are inconsistently caring or fake caring, it can cause them to be unable to have a secure relationship themselves as an adult, and they'll have no idea why. They'll probably just blame their partner and not even realize they're broken. You need to have your shit together before birth. Conscious memory of events has nothing to do with it.

balfirevic 5y ago
> The first 1-2 years have the biggest impact on the child's psychological health as an adult Do you have any sources?
ip26 5y ago
You need to have your shit together before birth. Certainly I don’t mean to suggest child abuse is fine when they are little. But you can’t be a perfect parent from day zero; there’s a lot of learning by doing, you can’t know how your life priorities will change, and kids don’t need material wealth when they are small outside healthcare, healthy food, etc. In other words, you don’t need to have a successful career, perfect house, etc as a prerequisite to kids. They don’t even go to public school until they are five, yet many aspiring parents want to get into the right school district before having a kid.

deleted 5y ago

[deleted]