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Every child is a whole new world, a whole new potential, and a whole new problem. 1. My first child couldn't be calmed easily, although I found a song that som

Every child is a whole new world, a whole new potential, and a whole new problem. 1. My first child couldn't be calmed easily, although I found a song that somehow worked. [0] 2. Second child could be soothed by slowly rubbing from his temple down past his eye to his cheek. 3. Third child hated that, but loved having her forehead rubbed slowly in a horizontal manner. 4. Fourth child just wanted a firm pressure on the top of his head (e.g., a palm, he'd also burrow up into your armpit for comfort sometimes, which was awkward when I hadn't showered that day) 5. Fifth child didn't need any of the above, just lots of hugs and kisses at bed time. Bless her. The only generally applicable rules I found are: * Sleeping on your chest when young where they can hear your heartbeart (I found it works best with Dad when breastfeeding, as the smell of Mom's milk tended to stir them up for a feed, even if they're struggling with wind and not able to feed) can be very calming. Ideally done skin to skin. * Slow rocking while making a continuous "sssshhh" noise often helped - the fact I'd become a human white noise generator amused me. * Patiently, calmly, love them. It's most important to do this when it's hardest to love them. Knowing that they can be total assholes and you'll still love them is what grows secure kids. * Ask for help when you're struggling! A lot of your friends and family are probably desperate to help you, but they don't want to appear condescending, or to intrude. So give them permission, explicitly invite them to help, and your sanity will return, which will make you a much better parent for baby. That's it. That's all my parenting advice after five babies. [0]: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aCpXp6o8dnk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aCpXp6o8dnk

ido 5y ago
Yeah, I always find it funny when someone who has themselves only been a parent for 3 months feels they can now dispense sage advice. Sorta like someone going through bootcamp giving advice about programming.
- indemnity 5y ago
  We thought we were terrible no good parents with our first child, who is a little bit more on the sensitive and emotional side, with quite a bit of anxiety also. None of the advice from anyone worked, friends, family, parents, siblings, internet. Still not the easiest child at 5, but easier. Second child arrived, mentally prepared for the same challenges… and what a textbook kid, three years on. Super chill, knocked all the milestones out of the park, easy to console, cheerful, little peacemaker, apple of big brother’s eye, makes us look like amazing parents. I don’t give anyone any advice now other than … it can be hard, love your child, and spend a lot of time with them.
  - EdwardDiego 5y ago
    > I don’t give anyone any advice now other than … it can be hard, love your child, and spend a lot of time with them. That's probably the only generally applicable parenting advice. Glad you got an easy one second time around :)
  - definitelyhuman 5y ago
    It’s amazing how much pressure first time parents can put on themselves. The number of expectations is insane and impossible, and makes an already stressful situation worse. Our first was difficult as well and advice never really applied. As a baby heavy metal actually worked well, which horrified my mother - but it’s all about finding something that works to calm them. Great closing sentiment, so I’ll paraphrase: it will be hard to love your child sometimes. Love them always, keep them safe, treat them well, and show them the beauty in the world. What seems hard will get easier.
    - progre 5y ago
      That Seth Rogen film "Knocked up" got it right: Katherine Heigl: But I had a plan! Ken Jeong: Baby don't care!
    - tomrod 5y ago
      Hear hear. I give one piece of advice, heavily caveated, that running a vacuum cleaner helped calm my newborns when we brought them home from the hospital (advice from nurses line when our oldest was inconsolable at 4 days old). I then follow up that everyone parent is going to have advice that worked for them and their baby, and it can be tiring to hear but typically comes from a place of love. The parent-to-be will figure out what works for them. Reach out for help, they aren't alone, and so on.
- celticninja 5y ago
  10/12 years in and sometimes I still feel like I have no idea what I'm doing. One thing I know is that what works for one of my children probably doesn't work for the others let alone for other people's children.
- ciphol 5y ago
  The best time to give advice about the first 3 months is when your kids are 3 months old. After that, the kids change and parenting changes too and you're likely to forget what worked at age 3 months. Someone with 10 year old kids has probably forgotten a lot of what they figured out when the kids were babies.
  - ido 5y ago
    You may also still be too close to it to realize some things you will later figure out with introspection/hindsight/some things not being apparent as having been a good or bad idea until a later age. And if it's your first kids you are also likely to overgeneralize what worked for your kids to a generic advice that works for everyone.
- sbst32 5y ago
  It's like someone going through bootcamp giving advice (actually just describing their experience) about the first months of bootcamp - a perfectly sensible thing to do.
privatdozent 5y ago
Beautiful advice Edward :)
- EdwardDiego 5y ago
  Thanks mate :) Children are the ultimate expression of "the more I learn, the more I realise how little I know".
Hallucinaut 5y ago
My childhood heavily featured Dominion Road as my grandparents lived nearby so I had to recheck I opened the right link when I saw that song appear. Now I'm wondering why 20 years ago I thought the music video for that song featured a cameo of the black panther statue that to me represents that road... Also lovely words. I can't imagine having five!
- Hallucinaut 5y ago
  Ah, there's a second, earlier (and more charismatic, in my opinion) video. The panther statue is at 2:45. I'm glad I didn't imagine this, I started to feel the Mandela effect. https://youtu.be/PfdvAVkg1X0 https://youtu.be/PfdvAVkg1X0

ido 5y ago

Yeah, I always find it funny when someone who has themselves only been a parent for 3 months feels they can now dispense sage advice. Sorta like someone going through bootcamp giving advice about programming.

indemnity 5y ago
We thought we were terrible no good parents with our first child, who is a little bit more on the sensitive and emotional side, with quite a bit of anxiety also. None of the advice from anyone worked, friends, family, parents, siblings, internet. Still not the easiest child at 5, but easier. Second child arrived, mentally prepared for the same challenges… and what a textbook kid, three years on. Super chill, knocked all the milestones out of the park, easy to console, cheerful, little peacemaker, apple of big brother’s eye, makes us look like amazing parents. I don’t give anyone any advice now other than … it can be hard, love your child, and spend a lot of time with them.
- EdwardDiego 5y ago
  > I don’t give anyone any advice now other than … it can be hard, love your child, and spend a lot of time with them. That's probably the only generally applicable parenting advice. Glad you got an easy one second time around :)
- definitelyhuman 5y ago
  It’s amazing how much pressure first time parents can put on themselves. The number of expectations is insane and impossible, and makes an already stressful situation worse. Our first was difficult as well and advice never really applied. As a baby heavy metal actually worked well, which horrified my mother - but it’s all about finding something that works to calm them. Great closing sentiment, so I’ll paraphrase: it will be hard to love your child sometimes. Love them always, keep them safe, treat them well, and show them the beauty in the world. What seems hard will get easier.
  - progre 5y ago
    That Seth Rogen film "Knocked up" got it right: Katherine Heigl: But I had a plan! Ken Jeong: Baby don't care!
  - tomrod 5y ago
    Hear hear. I give one piece of advice, heavily caveated, that running a vacuum cleaner helped calm my newborns when we brought them home from the hospital (advice from nurses line when our oldest was inconsolable at 4 days old). I then follow up that everyone parent is going to have advice that worked for them and their baby, and it can be tiring to hear but typically comes from a place of love. The parent-to-be will figure out what works for them. Reach out for help, they aren't alone, and so on.
celticninja 5y ago
10/12 years in and sometimes I still feel like I have no idea what I'm doing. One thing I know is that what works for one of my children probably doesn't work for the others let alone for other people's children.
ciphol 5y ago
The best time to give advice about the first 3 months is when your kids are 3 months old. After that, the kids change and parenting changes too and you're likely to forget what worked at age 3 months. Someone with 10 year old kids has probably forgotten a lot of what they figured out when the kids were babies.
- ido 5y ago
  You may also still be too close to it to realize some things you will later figure out with introspection/hindsight/some things not being apparent as having been a good or bad idea until a later age. And if it's your first kids you are also likely to overgeneralize what worked for your kids to a generic advice that works for everyone.
sbst32 5y ago
It's like someone going through bootcamp giving advice (actually just describing their experience) about the first months of bootcamp - a perfectly sensible thing to do.

privatdozent 5y ago

Beautiful advice Edward :)

EdwardDiego 5y ago
Thanks mate :) Children are the ultimate expression of "the more I learn, the more I realise how little I know".

Hallucinaut 5y ago

My childhood heavily featured Dominion Road as my grandparents lived nearby so I had to recheck I opened the right link when I saw that song appear. Now I'm wondering why 20 years ago I thought the music video for that song featured a cameo of the black panther statue that to me represents that road... Also lovely words. I can't imagine having five!

Hallucinaut 5y ago
Ah, there's a second, earlier (and more charismatic, in my opinion) video. The panther statue is at 2:45. I'm glad I didn't imagine this, I started to feel the Mandela effect. https://youtu.be/PfdvAVkg1X0 https://youtu.be/PfdvAVkg1X0