I'm in no way trying to say that anyone can get themselves a good outcome by trying hard and believing they can. That's obviously fiction. I understand, too, t

I'm in no way trying to say that anyone can get themselves a good outcome by trying hard and believing they can. That's obviously fiction. I understand, too, that I have freedoms and opportunities most humans never get, and that I can't truly understand the experience of someone who has been abused and beaten down, or of someone deeply disabled and unable to perform the basic mechanics of survival on their own. I do understand that it's clearly a bad idea to tell people that they can do things the world has not left them with the capacity to do. You're certainly right that in many cases agency is partly or mostly lost, and then there isn't much can a person can actually do to help themselves. I'm sorry to hear that's something you've experienced. I'm not suggesting that others should try to push the attitude I'm trying to describe onto others. I'm saying that I've found it very helpful and I'm trying to explain why. I'm not recommending pointing bitterness and anger at yourself. Humans often do horrible, reprehensible things, and they should be held accountable for those things. We should never hold ourselves at fault for others' abuses, we should not pretend they haven't harmed us, and we shouldn't repress the emotions we feel in response to the mistreatment and abuse we experience. I'm just saying that you can take responsibility for taking care of yourself, as much as you are able, while accepting any help and support you are able to find or that others offer. The only alternatives I can see are counting on others to do it for you or giving up entirely.