4 ms·

4 kids, 18-26 years old.

djaychela 5y ago
Then you've done a better job than me! I was expecting you to say 5 or something. I've totally failed with my four step kids (15-23). Three have been involved in all sorts or shenanigans (all of which have involved the police, social workers and huge amounts of distress). We have good communication, an open, tolerant family culture where we talk about issues, and still three of the four have gone off the rails in truly "You must be making this story up" ways. I've tried to model appropriate behaviour (I'm not manacled to my phone, and I've been way ahead of the curve on phone use and social media's effect, but I've not stopped them from doing it as 'everyone is on there', and they think I'm an old man who doesn't know what he's talking about). I dread every phone call I get from my partner when they're not 'scheduled' as it's nearly always another disaster. What I'm saying is that I could easily be the guy in this story, because short of a blackout, I've got kids on VPNs who are looking at extreme content (because everyone they know does, apparently), thinking QAnon is real, etc., and whose capacity for disrupting everyone around them without a moment's thought of anyone but themselves knows no bounds. Pandora's box is open, and I have no idea how to close it. On dark evenings when we've had another gut-wrenching round of horror stories, I'd probably buy one if I knew where to get one.
- sillysaurusx 5y ago
  It's probably not your fault. My dad couldn't control me. I never got into trouble with the police, but I could easily imagine a version of myself that felt compelled to do so. And then my dad (and I) would've been in real trouble. Don't let it bug you. People are how they are, more often than not. And your kiddos will probably relax in a decade or so when their testosterone levels start to drop.
- dbrueck 5y ago
  > I've totally failed with my four step kids (15-23) I don't know you or your kids, but I can almost guarantee that this is not true at all, so please don't tell yourself that. You don't take credit for their good traits and accomplishments, right? :) There are way too many variables involved, the largest being that they are each independent people. You have no idea how they would have turned out had you not been in their life - for all you know, things would have been much worse and your involvement was one of the things that made the difference. And their stories aren't finished yet... people figure things out at different times; they may yet turn out just fine and look back with gratitude to a stepdad who didn't write them off even though they gave him every reason to.

Then you've done a better job than me! I was expecting you to say 5 or something. I've totally failed with my four step kids (15-23). Three have been involved in all sorts or shenanigans (all of which have involved the police, social workers and huge amounts of distress). We have good communication, an open, tolerant family culture where we talk about issues, and still three of the four have gone off the rails in truly "You must be making this story up" ways. I've tried to model appropriate behaviour (I'm not manacled to my phone, and I've been way ahead of the curve on phone use and social media's effect, but I've not stopped them from doing it as 'everyone is on there', and they think I'm an old man who doesn't know what he's talking about). I dread every phone call I get from my partner when they're not 'scheduled' as it's nearly always another disaster. What I'm saying is that I could easily be the guy in this story, because short of a blackout, I've got kids on VPNs who are looking at extreme content (because everyone they know does, apparently), thinking QAnon is real, etc., and whose capacity for disrupting everyone around them without a moment's thought of anyone but themselves knows no bounds. Pandora's box is open, and I have no idea how to close it. On dark evenings when we've had another gut-wrenching round of horror stories, I'd probably buy one if I knew where to get one.

sillysaurusx 5y ago
It's probably not your fault. My dad couldn't control me. I never got into trouble with the police, but I could easily imagine a version of myself that felt compelled to do so. And then my dad (and I) would've been in real trouble. Don't let it bug you. People are how they are, more often than not. And your kiddos will probably relax in a decade or so when their testosterone levels start to drop.
dbrueck 5y ago
> I've totally failed with my four step kids (15-23) I don't know you or your kids, but I can almost guarantee that this is not true at all, so please don't tell yourself that. You don't take credit for their good traits and accomplishments, right? :) There are way too many variables involved, the largest being that they are each independent people. You have no idea how they would have turned out had you not been in their life - for all you know, things would have been much worse and your involvement was one of the things that made the difference. And their stories aren't finished yet... people figure things out at different times; they may yet turn out just fine and look back with gratitude to a stepdad who didn't write them off even though they gave him every reason to.