when I set out the first time I had just 2K in my pocket, I struggled to keep a job down, and I thought of killing myself. Going to the woods became a metaphor

when I set out the first time I had just 2K in my pocket, I struggled to keep a job down, and I thought of killing myself. Going to the woods became a metaphor (an in joke only I knew) that was to end me. Nobody knew but my intention wasn't ever to come back. My plans included a bottle of vodka, various hard drugs, a rope, and me hanging in a tree. I'm glad I didn't do it and instead rediscovered how I felt as a 6yro boy being told to get out of the house into the the pouring rain by my dad. There were woods all around where I grew up and I remember complaining about boredom. My dad had this rule where he would kick me out if I complained about being bored. So I went to the woods and gave names to "my trees" and built shelters to sit and imagined what it was like to be a native American. If you're looking for work you should work on yourself first and not blame your environment. Nobody will stop you from complaining of course but it's ultimately not getting you anywhere. Some of us have better starting points but I'm living proof that even if your whole family is abusive garbage, you can optimize your chances of luck in life. If your environment doesn't support you it's on you to change it. Even if that means leaving your country, your friends, your family. Even if it means leaving your kids! Because what kind of a role model can are you to them when all you spew is toxicity? They're better without you in that case. So it's better to fix yourself. Money, job, income doesn't play a role in this when the only future you can imagine is you not hugging a tree but hanging in one.