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I used to tell people my carpal tunnel was too bad to do handshakes. Or sometimes I'd tell them I had just sneezed on my hand. There was one guy I just flat ou

I used to tell people my carpal tunnel was too bad to do handshakes. Or sometimes I'd tell them I had just sneezed on my hand. There was one guy I just flat out told, "I'm not going to shake your hand". Ex-coworker, was never polite to me when we were working together, actively sabotaged my tenure there, had the nerve to look hurt.

DiggyJohnson 5y ago
Not trying to start a flamewar on anything, but that seems very unprofessional/counter-productive, so I'm just trying to understand your thought process here. Do you have a phobia of physical touch? I shake the hands of departing coworkers even if we have a cool relationship. It's a simple, polite, no-frills way of saying "goodbye". You're not giving them grace or anything. Is it not more difficult to refuse and say "I'm not going to shake your hand" than it is to shake and move on? If they were impolite, you come across as hostile. Just curious for more details.
- moron4hire 5y ago
  I don't usually avoid handshakes, but I don't offer them, either. Handshakes are very culturally specific. I've learned to not assume everyone wants a handshake. For example, I've met several Muslim women who felt uncomfortable shaking hands with men, but often felt obligated to reciprocate. In my current job, I run into so many people of so many different cultures that it's best to stay on the safe side and avoid putting someone in such a situation. And while I don't have a phobia of most physical touch, there are people who use the handshake as an excuse to take a hug. When I identify those people, I try to avoid the hand shake. "Sorry, I'm just a hugger" is not an excuse for violating someone's personal space. I'm not a "hugger". If I don't know you, don't touch me in that overly familiar way. As for the guy I flat-out refused: it was a game night organized by some of my ex-colleagues, about 50/50 a mix of people who were still at the company and folks like me who were no longer there. This guy was not invited but somehow found out about it and crashed the party. Part of why I was no longer with the company was because he had decided he didn't like that I had taken leave when my 2nd child was born and went out of his way to keep me from getting assigned to projects and even tanked a successful project that I was building. I also think "professionalism" is highly overrated, especially when people use "professionalism for thee, but not for me" to stymie backlash against their toxic behavior. In the grand scheme of things, he's a nobody. That's not to say I'm a "somebody", but rather I don't think refusing his handshake is going to have any kind of impact on my career.
gowld 5y ago
> "I'm not going to shake your hand". That only had the intended effect because you constrasted it against handshaking. It wouldn't work if you didn't touch anyone.
klyrs 5y ago
> Or sometimes I'd tell them I had just sneezed on my hand. How many people pick their noses when nobody is watching, and don't wash their hands?
- moron4hire 5y ago
  Sit at a busy traffic intersection sometime and just watch people in their cars. It's a lot.
  - commandlinefan 5y ago
    Watch how many men leave public restrooms without washing their hands, too.

DiggyJohnson 5y ago

Not trying to start a flamewar on anything, but that seems very unprofessional/counter-productive, so I'm just trying to understand your thought process here. Do you have a phobia of physical touch? I shake the hands of departing coworkers even if we have a cool relationship. It's a simple, polite, no-frills way of saying "goodbye". You're not giving them grace or anything. Is it not more difficult to refuse and say "I'm not going to shake your hand" than it is to shake and move on? If they were impolite, you come across as hostile. Just curious for more details.

moron4hire 5y ago
I don't usually avoid handshakes, but I don't offer them, either. Handshakes are very culturally specific. I've learned to not assume everyone wants a handshake. For example, I've met several Muslim women who felt uncomfortable shaking hands with men, but often felt obligated to reciprocate. In my current job, I run into so many people of so many different cultures that it's best to stay on the safe side and avoid putting someone in such a situation. And while I don't have a phobia of most physical touch, there are people who use the handshake as an excuse to take a hug. When I identify those people, I try to avoid the hand shake. "Sorry, I'm just a hugger" is not an excuse for violating someone's personal space. I'm not a "hugger". If I don't know you, don't touch me in that overly familiar way. As for the guy I flat-out refused: it was a game night organized by some of my ex-colleagues, about 50/50 a mix of people who were still at the company and folks like me who were no longer there. This guy was not invited but somehow found out about it and crashed the party. Part of why I was no longer with the company was because he had decided he didn't like that I had taken leave when my 2nd child was born and went out of his way to keep me from getting assigned to projects and even tanked a successful project that I was building. I also think "professionalism" is highly overrated, especially when people use "professionalism for thee, but not for me" to stymie backlash against their toxic behavior. In the grand scheme of things, he's a nobody. That's not to say I'm a "somebody", but rather I don't think refusing his handshake is going to have any kind of impact on my career.

gowld 5y ago

> "I'm not going to shake your hand". That only had the intended effect because you constrasted it against handshaking. It wouldn't work if you didn't touch anyone.

klyrs 5y ago

> Or sometimes I'd tell them I had just sneezed on my hand. How many people pick their noses when nobody is watching, and don't wash their hands?

moron4hire 5y ago
Sit at a busy traffic intersection sometime and just watch people in their cars. It's a lot.
- commandlinefan 5y ago
  Watch how many men leave public restrooms without washing their hands, too.