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You do you man, but this idea of "I get paid to code, and I only do enough emotional labor to get my code merged and not get dinged on perf reviews," leads to a

You do you man, but this idea of "I get paid to code, and I only do enough emotional labor to get my code merged and not get dinged on perf reviews," leads to a lot of the issues I have with working in big tech, personally. Maybe that's just me though.

compiler-guy 5y ago
Don't confuse "Hates hanging out in forced one-on-one social situations" with "Only does enough emotional labor to get code merged and not get dinged on perf reviews." They are different things. I help people who need help, comment on design docs, and wish people happy birthday, have a good vacation and whatnot. Required strolling with random people or going to lunch is not the same thing. You do you too. If you love those things, great! Not everyone does.
- Benjammer 5y ago
  I think you might benefit from examining how bias can take over when you only do emotional labor on an ad-hoc, unplanned, unstructured basis.
  - compiler-guy 5y ago
    I don't believe that forced one-on-one conversations are the only way to accomplish this. You should consider how assuming, "Everyone works like I do, and can benefit from the same things I like" may be biasing you against people who don't think or act like you, or are not emotionally rewarded by the same things you are. Don't know how many different firms you have worked for, or how many different groups you are in, but I have worked in enough different positions with enough different teams in enough different roles to know that this style works awfully well for me. And given the various successful projects I've been a part of (not all, of course), I'm reasonably sure that this style hasn't held me or the teams back.
    - Benjammer 5y ago
      Congrats on your perceived success! I tried to use softer words like "might," and I explicitly said "maybe this is just me," in order to not assume anything. It appears you took my language in a different tone than I intended, and are now turning this into more of an argument than any sort of discussion, so I'm going to take my leave and move on.

compiler-guy 5y ago

Don't confuse "Hates hanging out in forced one-on-one social situations" with "Only does enough emotional labor to get code merged and not get dinged on perf reviews." They are different things. I help people who need help, comment on design docs, and wish people happy birthday, have a good vacation and whatnot. Required strolling with random people or going to lunch is not the same thing. You do you too. If you love those things, great! Not everyone does.

Benjammer 5y ago
I think you might benefit from examining how bias can take over when you only do emotional labor on an ad-hoc, unplanned, unstructured basis.
- compiler-guy 5y ago
  I don't believe that forced one-on-one conversations are the only way to accomplish this. You should consider how assuming, "Everyone works like I do, and can benefit from the same things I like" may be biasing you against people who don't think or act like you, or are not emotionally rewarded by the same things you are. Don't know how many different firms you have worked for, or how many different groups you are in, but I have worked in enough different positions with enough different teams in enough different roles to know that this style works awfully well for me. And given the various successful projects I've been a part of (not all, of course), I'm reasonably sure that this style hasn't held me or the teams back.
  - Benjammer 5y ago
    Congrats on your perceived success! I tried to use softer words like "might," and I explicitly said "maybe this is just me," in order to not assume anything. It appears you took my language in a different tone than I intended, and are now turning this into more of an argument than any sort of discussion, so I'm going to take my leave and move on.