4 ms·

This would drive me crazy. I get along fine with practically everyone, and do pretty well to be easy to work with, but random twenty minute walks with random co

This would drive me crazy. I get along fine with practically everyone, and do pretty well to be easy to work with, but random twenty minute walks with random coworkers would make me feel trapped and awkward. I’m a terrible conversationalist and if I get paired with someone similar it would be twenty minutes of torture.

Benjammer 5y ago
If you have a condition like Asperger's or Autism then I apologize, I don't mean to be insensitive. But, if you have run-of-the-mill social anxiety and/or shyness, then I think time-boxed, scheduled, regular conversations with your co-workers can be just about the best format for practicing your conversation skills that I could think of. I think if you tried to put effort in, you might be able to make more progress than you think you can. Think of it like any other skill you need to practice and develop for work. This isn't a purely social situation, you don't need to be best friends with these people. It's just about practicing your ability to pretend to be a socially confident person in business settings when called for. And to learn about your co-workers personalities so that you can be a more effective and empathetic teammate.
- compiler-guy 5y ago
  Sure, it's possible that if I put in the effort and practiced I could get better at conversation, and this might be a good venue for doing it. But if I put in the effort, I could also be a much better artist. Or a much better cook, and there are plenty of venues that would be good for it. I get along fine with my coworkers. In all the horrible peer-judging that goes on in Google performance reviews, "Hard to work with" almost never comes up for me. Nor does, "doesn't know what is going on". Nor does, "I wish they would be more socially confident." I get along just fine. But enforced social time with people who I'm not doing projects with? No thanks. I'll do my job, communicate about my job in the standups and whatever normal checkins we have. Fortunately, my skills are in high enough demand that if a role puts more social demands on me, I can just bail for another team or company. It's nice that way.
  - Benjammer 5y ago
    You do you man, but this idea of "I get paid to code, and I only do enough emotional labor to get my code merged and not get dinged on perf reviews," leads to a lot of the issues I have with working in big tech, personally. Maybe that's just me though.
    - compiler-guy 5y ago
      Don't confuse "Hates hanging out in forced one-on-one social situations" with "Only does enough emotional labor to get code merged and not get dinged on perf reviews." They are different things. I help people who need help, comment on design docs, and wish people happy birthday, have a good vacation and whatnot. Required strolling with random people or going to lunch is not the same thing. You do you too. If you love those things, great! Not everyone does.
      - Benjammer 5y ago
        I think you might benefit from examining how bias can take over when you only do emotional labor on an ad-hoc, unplanned, unstructured basis.
        compiler-guy 5y ago
        I don't believe that forced one-on-one conversations are the only way to accomplish this. You should consider how assuming, "Everyone works like I do, and can benefit from the same things I like" may be biasing you against people who don't think or act like you, or are not emotionally rewarded by the same things you are. Don't know how many different firms you have worked for, or how many different groups you are in, but I have worked in enough different positions with enough different teams in enough different roles to know that this style works awfully well for me. And given the various successful projects I've been a part of (not all, of course), I'm reasonably sure that this style hasn't held me or the teams back.
        Benjammer 5y ago

Benjammer 5y ago

If you have a condition like Asperger's or Autism then I apologize, I don't mean to be insensitive. But, if you have run-of-the-mill social anxiety and/or shyness, then I think time-boxed, scheduled, regular conversations with your co-workers can be just about the best format for practicing your conversation skills that I could think of. I think if you tried to put effort in, you might be able to make more progress than you think you can. Think of it like any other skill you need to practice and develop for work. This isn't a purely social situation, you don't need to be best friends with these people. It's just about practicing your ability to pretend to be a socially confident person in business settings when called for. And to learn about your co-workers personalities so that you can be a more effective and empathetic teammate.

compiler-guy 5y ago
Sure, it's possible that if I put in the effort and practiced I could get better at conversation, and this might be a good venue for doing it. But if I put in the effort, I could also be a much better artist. Or a much better cook, and there are plenty of venues that would be good for it. I get along fine with my coworkers. In all the horrible peer-judging that goes on in Google performance reviews, "Hard to work with" almost never comes up for me. Nor does, "doesn't know what is going on". Nor does, "I wish they would be more socially confident." I get along just fine. But enforced social time with people who I'm not doing projects with? No thanks. I'll do my job, communicate about my job in the standups and whatever normal checkins we have. Fortunately, my skills are in high enough demand that if a role puts more social demands on me, I can just bail for another team or company. It's nice that way.
- Benjammer 5y ago
  You do you man, but this idea of "I get paid to code, and I only do enough emotional labor to get my code merged and not get dinged on perf reviews," leads to a lot of the issues I have with working in big tech, personally. Maybe that's just me though.
  - compiler-guy 5y ago
    Don't confuse "Hates hanging out in forced one-on-one social situations" with "Only does enough emotional labor to get code merged and not get dinged on perf reviews." They are different things. I help people who need help, comment on design docs, and wish people happy birthday, have a good vacation and whatnot. Required strolling with random people or going to lunch is not the same thing. You do you too. If you love those things, great! Not everyone does.
    - Benjammer 5y ago
      I think you might benefit from examining how bias can take over when you only do emotional labor on an ad-hoc, unplanned, unstructured basis.
      - compiler-guy 5y ago
        I don't believe that forced one-on-one conversations are the only way to accomplish this. You should consider how assuming, "Everyone works like I do, and can benefit from the same things I like" may be biasing you against people who don't think or act like you, or are not emotionally rewarded by the same things you are. Don't know how many different firms you have worked for, or how many different groups you are in, but I have worked in enough different positions with enough different teams in enough different roles to know that this style works awfully well for me. And given the various successful projects I've been a part of (not all, of course), I'm reasonably sure that this style hasn't held me or the teams back.
        Benjammer 5y ago