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Normally I'd totally agree with you and cringe at what feels like ridiculous over-engineering of what should be a natural and effortless process... but I was ju

Normally I'd totally agree with you and cringe at what feels like ridiculous over-engineering of what should be a natural and effortless process... but I was just thinking last night how hard it's been for me to live hours from all my closest friends, and how covid has made it so much harder for me to get my extroverted needs met. My closest friends are, for the most part, our highschool friend group of 15 or so people who live across many states and a couple countries. Juggling all those incredibly important friendships gets hard without a nudge and a reminder to call or text them. It's a good problem to have, too many friends.

avgcorrection 5y ago
> Normally I'd totally agree with you and cringe at what feels like ridiculous over-engineering of what should be a natural and effortless process... To some people (like myself) human interaction does not come that natural.[1] The “naturals” then scoff (or even cringe) at the deliberate steps we have to take, as if we should just curl up in the corner and whither away. (That’s what I’ve done but that’s besides the point.) [1] It might come natural to the OP of course. Maybe they just like to be structured in this particular area of life.
- sweetheart 5y ago
  Yeah, I agree with you. I think that invalidating tools and procedures like this is just being a little less than empathetic to folks who struggle a bit more with social interactions. It's worth pushing back on the narrative that there is a correct way to have your friendships.
alecbz 5y ago
+1, my gut reaction is definitely to cringe at stuff like this but I can't deny that I think it's actually really helpful. Like I wish I was good enough at being social naturally that I wouldn't need something like this, but I'm not. I've tried something similar but a bit lighter-weight once, just a sheet with people and the last time I hung out with them, with conditional formatting to highlight the ones with dates further back. I think honestly more than reminding me when to initiate contact with whom, the real benefit is a forcing function for initiating contact with someone I've not talked to in a while. I can feel awkward about it, but if there's a spreadsheet telling me to do it, I find it's easier to get over that.

avgcorrection 5y ago

> Normally I'd totally agree with you and cringe at what feels like ridiculous over-engineering of what should be a natural and effortless process... To some people (like myself) human interaction does not come that natural.[1] The “naturals” then scoff (or even cringe) at the deliberate steps we have to take, as if we should just curl up in the corner and whither away. (That’s what I’ve done but that’s besides the point.) [1] It might come natural to the OP of course. Maybe they just like to be structured in this particular area of life.

sweetheart 5y ago
Yeah, I agree with you. I think that invalidating tools and procedures like this is just being a little less than empathetic to folks who struggle a bit more with social interactions. It's worth pushing back on the narrative that there is a correct way to have your friendships.

alecbz 5y ago

+1, my gut reaction is definitely to cringe at stuff like this but I can't deny that I think it's actually really helpful. Like I wish I was good enough at being social naturally that I wouldn't need something like this, but I'm not. I've tried something similar but a bit lighter-weight once, just a sheet with people and the last time I hung out with them, with conditional formatting to highlight the ones with dates further back. I think honestly more than reminding me when to initiate contact with whom, the real benefit is a forcing function for initiating contact with someone I've not talked to in a while. I can feel awkward about it, but if there's a spreadsheet telling me to do it, I find it's easier to get over that.