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Reading this, I also came up with a simple system. It call it an "address book". Write people's names in it, along with their contact info. Feel free to use

Reading this, I also came up with a simple system. It call it an "address book". Write people's names in it, along with their contact info. Feel free to use paper or digital. Once in a while, look at the list. If you see someone's name and think, "I wonder how they're doing?", contact them. It's a lot more organic than scheduling the contacts, and it'll feel more organic to the recipients, too.

josefrichter 5y ago
Sir, is a bitter comment like this necessary?
- wccrawford 5y ago
  I was aiming for "helpful" to people who think they need hundreds of contacts and are looking to maintain actual relationships with them, and not just fulfill quotas. I am far from social, but it's pretty obvious to me that scheduling contacts with people is not normal and is likely to feel stilted, and not providing the desired result in the end.
  - josefrichter 5y ago
    I beg to differ. There may be millions of reasons why you grew disconnected from someone. Don't you have situations where you think I wish I had more regular contact with this person, because he/she seemed like a genuine good egg? What's wrong with making the extra effort and actually create a reminder for yourself to at least say hi once in a while? And vice versa - would you feel bad getting contacted by someone whom you worked with years ago, just asking how you're doing, and not actually wanting anything from you?
iamben 5y ago
I get the point you're making. That said there are definitely people in my life that are (very obviously) better and worse at reaching out, and I assume it's similar for most people? I have friends who are phenomenal at reaching out frequently, saying "whatcha up to, shall we get a drink?" I also have friends who (because of family, work, location, whatever) will never do this, but absolutely jump at the chance to meet if you offer them one. I'm not suggesting those who are good at contacting people use some sort of scheduling tool - it's probably just that their personality type suits doing it and they're usually the middle of a social group. Some people are naturally better at this kind of thing than others, right? So I absolutely see the advantage of giving yourself a mental nudge to call, message or email people. I don't think it's in the slightest in-organic and I doubt a single person would think "oh, it's 6 months to the day I last spoke to this person" - more so they'd probably just think "oh, it was nice to hear from X". I have an alert to call my mum / dad every week or so. I don't always do it, but I appreciate the reminder and they appreciate the call. I'll probably give this kind of set up a go at some point.
avgcorrection 5y ago
Seems really arbitrary to call one way organic and to deride the other approach like that. Everyone will figure out for themselves how much structure and organization that they need.

josefrichter 5y ago

Sir, is a bitter comment like this necessary?

wccrawford 5y ago
I was aiming for "helpful" to people who think they need hundreds of contacts and are looking to maintain actual relationships with them, and not just fulfill quotas. I am far from social, but it's pretty obvious to me that scheduling contacts with people is not normal and is likely to feel stilted, and not providing the desired result in the end.
- josefrichter 5y ago
  I beg to differ. There may be millions of reasons why you grew disconnected from someone. Don't you have situations where you think I wish I had more regular contact with this person, because he/she seemed like a genuine good egg? What's wrong with making the extra effort and actually create a reminder for yourself to at least say hi once in a while? And vice versa - would you feel bad getting contacted by someone whom you worked with years ago, just asking how you're doing, and not actually wanting anything from you?

iamben 5y ago

I get the point you're making. That said there are definitely people in my life that are (very obviously) better and worse at reaching out, and I assume it's similar for most people? I have friends who are phenomenal at reaching out frequently, saying "whatcha up to, shall we get a drink?" I also have friends who (because of family, work, location, whatever) will never do this, but absolutely jump at the chance to meet if you offer them one. I'm not suggesting those who are good at contacting people use some sort of scheduling tool - it's probably just that their personality type suits doing it and they're usually the middle of a social group. Some people are naturally better at this kind of thing than others, right? So I absolutely see the advantage of giving yourself a mental nudge to call, message or email people. I don't think it's in the slightest in-organic and I doubt a single person would think "oh, it's 6 months to the day I last spoke to this person" - more so they'd probably just think "oh, it was nice to hear from X". I have an alert to call my mum / dad every week or so. I don't always do it, but I appreciate the reminder and they appreciate the call. I'll probably give this kind of set up a go at some point.

avgcorrection 5y ago

Seems really arbitrary to call one way organic and to deride the other approach like that. Everyone will figure out for themselves how much structure and organization that they need.