4 ms·
Why is it wrong to see a good friendship as very valuable?
by dskloet 5y ago
Why is it wrong to see a good friendship as very valuable?
- l33tbro 5y agoBecause valuing close friends through the lens of what personal gain they may yield is more than a little sociopathic?
- dskloet 5y agoWhy? Happiness and valuable shared experiences are also gains.
- l33tbro 5y agoWhat about my alcoholic friend I've known for 20 years that is destroying his life and lashing out at me right now because he is sick? Or my heavily depressed friend of 30 years who I sat with on the weekend? Not everything is about extracting maximum personal happiness. Friendship can also be about service.
- dskloet 5y agoIf you care about these people then presumably it does make you happier in the long term to let them know that you care about them. Especially if it's not that pleasant in the moment I imagine having a system to remind you could be helpful.
- hungryforcodes 5y agoSo we should become friends with people we don't value? Like random people on the street? It's a good idea, but would be exhausting.
- p_l 5y agoAt no point does he talk about making everyone into a deep friend. I guess english language is just incapable of explaining it due to not enough words to express the spectrum? Do note that he has different "frequency" categories (which don't have to map to "type of friendship" same way even in that one database!). Some are just people he is interested in meeting, maybe keeping in light contact over time. Some more often. Some so often that he actually pushes his schedule to ensure regular time for meetings, something that can be ridiculously hard even without crippling anxiety.
- hungryforcodes 5y agoOh actually I really agree with you and the OP. I was responding more to the parent post. I think it's ok to just partition our lives into friends we value -- and largely ignore others. We'd be insane otherwise. So long as we remember to keep a general humanistic value for the man (or woman or trans or define-it-yourself) on the street... As I get older I find it hard to even KEEP UP with normal friends flung far away and separated by the distance of time. Not everyone will agree with the OP, but I'm always impressed with old friends from 20 years ago that still keep contact. Something to consider.
- p_l 5y agoConsidering my own issues, this system makes me envious, specifically because of how hard it is to ensure to call and talk or message etc. That said, the system I guess shows dual-use case of CRM technology ;)
- hungryforcodes 5y agoA CRM for long lost friends would be handy...