"'No', our main character Tim, a computer science major from Ontario, the capital of Ottawa, Canada, mystifiedly said, shrugging his broad, well-toned shoulders

"'No', our main character Tim, a computer science major from Ontario, the capital of Ottawa, Canada, mystifiedly said, shrugging his broad, well-toned shoulders." If he was a good writer, maybe he could have made it work. But this reads like a "write what you did yesterday" assignment handed in by a 12 year old. If even.