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Were you bullied as a child? Did you have enough to eat every day as a child? Were your parents screaming at each other every day when you were a child? Did the

by fzzzy 5y ago

Were you bullied as a child? Did you have enough to eat every day as a child? Were your parents screaming at each other every day when you were a child? Did they beat you or abuse you emotionally? Did you have two parents? Did your siblings make you miserable every day, or were you an only child and constantly lonely? Did your teachers attempt to dominate you and crush your spirit? Do you recall suffering any traumas at all during childhood? Have you had good mental health as long as you can remember?

loves_mangoes 5y ago
I'm very late (I don't check my alt account too often), but I figure I'll reply anyways. Even if just for myself. The truth is I was not a popular kid. I had food, but I've fainted once from hunger (my fault). My parent fought for a while, the screaming was not very nice to be in the middle of. Then they divorced. So I lived with one and visited the other on the weekends. One of my siblings went to live with the other parent, so I didn't really get to grow up with them. I didn't see them much until much later as a result. I did not like school very much, though I'm sure the teachers weren't trying to crush my spirits. They were average people doing an average job. It only crushed me inside because it's not the right environment for me. Everyone else must have been fine. I feel like I've been lucky, though. Mental health is not a concept I've had growing up, but I've somehow eventually managed to escape. I'm in a good environment, now. I work doing something I like, for a company that has a net positive contribution to the world. It's a small weight off my shoulders that I didn't end up working for a Palantir or a Facebook, and rationalizing to myself why that's actually okay. That would have caused some serious dissonance. I don't know if I have trauma. I feel like if you have to ask "who doesn't?", you maybe, probably do? But I don't spend a lot of time thinking about the past. It's not that I'm trying to avoid it, everything has just changed so much that it doesn't continually affect me anymore. I suspect the conclusion is not as obvious as it might appear. On the one hand, having had a poor childhood or a very good childhood just sets your expectations for what happiness is as an adult. An adult used to opulence will think nothing is remarkable, or particularly good, while someone who has never taken it for granted will feel comparatively better, knowing that the baseline for normal used to be worse. And, on the other hand, trauma.
marviio 5y ago
Not the person you replied to but here is me: Divorced parents (father secretly had another family), abusive, alcoholic stepfather. Rape and murder in immediate family. Poverty. I suffered mental illness and depression for years. Therapy and medication. Now I am happy. Have been for ten years. I have a small house. Nothing fancy but it's tidy and looked after. Wife and kids. Kids get a whole other childhood than I had. It's like a restoration. Rebuilding of what I never had. Deeply meaningful. I think feeling a purpose and meaning are key Faith is also an important component in my life.
sershe 5y ago
I have divorced parents due to father's alcoholism, and grew up in poverty by American standards (lower middle class by Russian standards I guess - we always had food, a flat and basic clothing, but no car nor any fancy stuff like cellphones or >1 TV :)), bullying exists in schools in Russia but is mellow by American standards as depicted in media. Again by what I understand from American teachers on how schools are, teachers were constantly "crushing our spirit", although I don't think of it this way, I think discipline is good. Yet, I was pretty happy throughout my life so far. I think the main contributor to my unhappiness is constantly worrying about the future, including macro future (like political instability in America) but sometimes I just look at my present life and remember that I was happy as a student who had to choose between internet and beer every month, I often didn't have money to pay for both ;) I wonder how much of this is simply genetic...

by fzzzy 5y ago

loves_mangoes 5y ago

I'm very late (I don't check my alt account too often), but I figure I'll reply anyways. Even if just for myself. The truth is I was not a popular kid. I had food, but I've fainted once from hunger (my fault). My parent fought for a while, the screaming was not very nice to be in the middle of. Then they divorced. So I lived with one and visited the other on the weekends. One of my siblings went to live with the other parent, so I didn't really get to grow up with them. I didn't see them much until much later as a result. I did not like school very much, though I'm sure the teachers weren't trying to crush my spirits. They were average people doing an average job. It only crushed me inside because it's not the right environment for me. Everyone else must have been fine. I feel like I've been lucky, though. Mental health is not a concept I've had growing up, but I've somehow eventually managed to escape. I'm in a good environment, now. I work doing something I like, for a company that has a net positive contribution to the world. It's a small weight off my shoulders that I didn't end up working for a Palantir or a Facebook, and rationalizing to myself why that's actually okay. That would have caused some serious dissonance. I don't know if I have trauma. I feel like if you have to ask "who doesn't?", you maybe, probably do? But I don't spend a lot of time thinking about the past. It's not that I'm trying to avoid it, everything has just changed so much that it doesn't continually affect me anymore. I suspect the conclusion is not as obvious as it might appear. On the one hand, having had a poor childhood or a very good childhood just sets your expectations for what happiness is as an adult. An adult used to opulence will think nothing is remarkable, or particularly good, while someone who has never taken it for granted will feel comparatively better, knowing that the baseline for normal used to be worse. And, on the other hand, trauma.

marviio 5y ago

Not the person you replied to but here is me: Divorced parents (father secretly had another family), abusive, alcoholic stepfather. Rape and murder in immediate family. Poverty. I suffered mental illness and depression for years. Therapy and medication. Now I am happy. Have been for ten years. I have a small house. Nothing fancy but it's tidy and looked after. Wife and kids. Kids get a whole other childhood than I had. It's like a restoration. Rebuilding of what I never had. Deeply meaningful. I think feeling a purpose and meaning are key Faith is also an important component in my life.

sershe 5y ago

I have divorced parents due to father's alcoholism, and grew up in poverty by American standards (lower middle class by Russian standards I guess - we always had food, a flat and basic clothing, but no car nor any fancy stuff like cellphones or >1 TV :)), bullying exists in schools in Russia but is mellow by American standards as depicted in media. Again by what I understand from American teachers on how schools are, teachers were constantly "crushing our spirit", although I don't think of it this way, I think discipline is good. Yet, I was pretty happy throughout my life so far. I think the main contributor to my unhappiness is constantly worrying about the future, including macro future (like political instability in America) but sometimes I just look at my present life and remember that I was happy as a student who had to choose between internet and beer every month, I often didn't have money to pay for both ;) I wonder how much of this is simply genetic...