4 ms·

Forget the incel subculture, media - traditional, social, or otherwise has been feeding us that for decades as well. If you're not thin and "beautiful", your ro

Forget the incel subculture, media - traditional, social, or otherwise has been feeding us that for decades as well. If you're not thin and "beautiful", your romantic prospects are zero so why even try. Admittedly, it's also partially one's own fault for buying into it, but being fed a continual stream of the best looking people from a young age seriously alters one's perspective. I spent my entire teenage and young adult years thinking that no one could possibly be attracted to me because I was overweight. Yet, I never could seem to pull myself out of the habits that got me there in the first place and I just kept getting larger - from somewhat overweight in high school to morbidly obese by the end of college. No one has ever randomly talked to me in a bar or out in public. The only time I ever experienced that was when I was abroad. I've not made a single non-work friend since college. I don't know where to go to "meet people my own age", etc. Here I am about to turn 29 and my social life is talking over the internet with the people in knew in college and I just feel ... lost. I have a high paying tech job, but that's about the only thing I feel is going well in my life. I recognize that never having to actually worry about money is most people's dream, but I envy those with diverse social lives. Figured I'd start with actually getting my weight under control. 3 months ago I started religiously tracking calories and I've done a reasonable job of keeping my eating within my goals. Managed to lose 30 pounds so far. Would love to be half way to my target by my 30th birthday. Maybe try a dating app and make sure I'm honest about my looks. I'd love to be able to ride roller coasters again.

buscoquadnary 5y ago
Just from a fellow friend trying to lose wait that is awesome how much you have managed to lose and I think that is great. Congratulations on that, keep up the good work. You've inspired me!
grvdrm 5y ago
Just wanted to say good for you and keep it up re: 30 pounds lost! What's your exercise regimen? I know there's lot of stuff out there that tells you what to do. Not all of it easy to understand or even effective. Happy to keep replying here to give you some thoughts.
- Teknoman117 5y ago
  Exercise regimen isn't much at the moment. I'm still 400 lbs, and my doctor said I needed to be careful what I try to do right now because I could easily hurt myself. So for now I've been trying to stick to a 3 mile walk every day, which takes about an hour. Work still being remote has been helpful in that regard. It took a bit to find shoes that didn't cause my shins to hurt when walking every day.
pnutjam 5y ago
Don't be ashamed to go to a gym or take a fitness class. It's a great way to meet people.
rdtwo 5y ago
Why would you start dating in an environment where you are most disadvantaged? In person dating plays to your strength as opposed to online where you are fighting your weakness
_bkr9 5y ago
Please don't take anything I wrote as an attempt to dissuade you from what sounds like a good idea. As others have pointed out, perhaps a lot depends on just how "overweight" one is. Also, do it for yourself -- the rest is incidental. I'm 6'3"; was 190 lbs at age 19 (university); was 210 pounds at age 21 (could afford to eat out for lunch); was 245 lb at age 40 (depressed + about to be divorced); now back to 220-230 lb at age 46. Would like to be consistently 210-215 ish. Have dated a number of 30 to 45 yo women who explicitly like a "Dad bod". EDIT> I have never picked anyone up off the street, at a bar, club, whatever. I pass for sociable, but am actually a big introvert. Like, it bothers me when other people are in my home, with a very few exceptions. But I'm told I have "dork game". So my experience is biased -- only seriously dated in my 40's Met my true love on Tinder, and she's more of an introvert than I am, yet fun and relaxing / no-maintenance / no-drama to be around. There's hope.
- bradlys 5y ago
  > I'm 6'3" > There's hope. You need to make more friends with people who are down bad.
- Taurenking 5y ago
- honkdaddy 5y ago
  To be fair though, you're in the top 5% of a massively important trait which women select for with greater precedence than any other physical attribute. 'Dad bod' almost always implies someone of above average height. Women tend to imagine more of a Norm McDonald than a Jason Alexander when they think of 'dad bod'.

buscoquadnary 5y ago

Just from a fellow friend trying to lose wait that is awesome how much you have managed to lose and I think that is great. Congratulations on that, keep up the good work. You've inspired me!

grvdrm 5y ago

Just wanted to say good for you and keep it up re: 30 pounds lost! What's your exercise regimen? I know there's lot of stuff out there that tells you what to do. Not all of it easy to understand or even effective. Happy to keep replying here to give you some thoughts.

Teknoman117 5y ago
Exercise regimen isn't much at the moment. I'm still 400 lbs, and my doctor said I needed to be careful what I try to do right now because I could easily hurt myself. So for now I've been trying to stick to a 3 mile walk every day, which takes about an hour. Work still being remote has been helpful in that regard. It took a bit to find shoes that didn't cause my shins to hurt when walking every day.

pnutjam 5y ago

Don't be ashamed to go to a gym or take a fitness class. It's a great way to meet people.

rdtwo 5y ago

Why would you start dating in an environment where you are most disadvantaged? In person dating plays to your strength as opposed to online where you are fighting your weakness

_bkr9 5y ago

Please don't take anything I wrote as an attempt to dissuade you from what sounds like a good idea. As others have pointed out, perhaps a lot depends on just how "overweight" one is. Also, do it for yourself -- the rest is incidental. I'm 6'3"; was 190 lbs at age 19 (university); was 210 pounds at age 21 (could afford to eat out for lunch); was 245 lb at age 40 (depressed + about to be divorced); now back to 220-230 lb at age 46. Would like to be consistently 210-215 ish. Have dated a number of 30 to 45 yo women who explicitly like a "Dad bod". EDIT> I have never picked anyone up off the street, at a bar, club, whatever. I pass for sociable, but am actually a big introvert. Like, it bothers me when other people are in my home, with a very few exceptions. But I'm told I have "dork game". So my experience is biased -- only seriously dated in my 40's Met my true love on Tinder, and she's more of an introvert than I am, yet fun and relaxing / no-maintenance / no-drama to be around. There's hope.

bradlys 5y ago
> I'm 6'3" > There's hope. You need to make more friends with people who are down bad.
Taurenking 5y ago
honkdaddy 5y ago
To be fair though, you're in the top 5% of a massively important trait which women select for with greater precedence than any other physical attribute. 'Dad bod' almost always implies someone of above average height. Women tend to imagine more of a Norm McDonald than a Jason Alexander when they think of 'dad bod'.