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>Finally, one last point. Many moms don't get enough support during this time. But if a mom gets 20% of the support they need, Dads get 0 Lol I guess this hits

>Finally, one last point. Many moms don't get enough support during this time. But if a mom gets 20% of the support they need, Dads get 0 Lol I guess this hits the nail right on the head. Weird enough I even kept telling my wife that I was feeling depressed and she dismissed it in an instant asking how it is possible. >What I did was basically said "Until the child is 1, forget all this job stuff. If you take your job seriously, your family will suffer. And if you are sleep deprived and cranky, you are not going to succeed at your job. Do you want to fail at your job and as a parent, or just fail at your job for a while" When my child was one, I decided to make that "Until your child is 2, forget your job crap." Not sure if I was getting this right, but do you mean that it was getting tight to focus on your job for the first 2 years? Is that mostly because of baby duties?

apohn 5y ago
>Lol I guess this hits the nail right on the head. Weird enough I even kept telling my wife that I was feeling depressed and she dismissed it in an instant asking how it is possible. I am lucky enough that my wife recognized I was struggling too and acknowledged it. Honestly, I reached out to some caring dads I knew when I first became a dad and all of them said they really struggled as well, and most days they just put one foot in front of the other and just kept walking. If you care about being a good parent/spouse, it's really tough. >Not sure if I was getting this right, but do you mean that it was getting tight to focus on your job for the first 2 years? Is that mostly because of baby duties? I don't know what you mean by the word "tight" but what I meant to say that I realized that I simply didn't have a mental state or energy to excel at any job. But by simply taking care of the baby, cooking basic meals when needed, throwing out the trash, paying the bills (I mean this literally, such as writing a check and mailing it), letting my wife sleep an extra hour when the baby woke up at 5:30AM, etc, I was able to be a good parent. So what was the value in doing a half-ass job with my career AND as a parent, as opposed to doing the bare minimum in my job and doing a good job as a parent and spouse. Even with this realization, there were lots of times where I sat on the couch the first year and just felt like I was drowning and life was over. That happened in the second year as well, but less after the child was 18 months. And by ~2.5, it's a lot better! Also, in my reply I forgot to say - Get help in the house. Have a maid come every 2 weeks. If somebody can cook for you, do that. If you want to get one of those Hello Fresh style meal services, do that for a while. Do what it takes to reduce the load. There's more to "get help" than seeing a therapist. It's expensive to get help, but it's more expensive to recover from a mental breakdown

apohn 5y ago

>Lol I guess this hits the nail right on the head. Weird enough I even kept telling my wife that I was feeling depressed and she dismissed it in an instant asking how it is possible. I am lucky enough that my wife recognized I was struggling too and acknowledged it. Honestly, I reached out to some caring dads I knew when I first became a dad and all of them said they really struggled as well, and most days they just put one foot in front of the other and just kept walking. If you care about being a good parent/spouse, it's really tough. >Not sure if I was getting this right, but do you mean that it was getting tight to focus on your job for the first 2 years? Is that mostly because of baby duties? I don't know what you mean by the word "tight" but what I meant to say that I realized that I simply didn't have a mental state or energy to excel at any job. But by simply taking care of the baby, cooking basic meals when needed, throwing out the trash, paying the bills (I mean this literally, such as writing a check and mailing it), letting my wife sleep an extra hour when the baby woke up at 5:30AM, etc, I was able to be a good parent. So what was the value in doing a half-ass job with my career AND as a parent, as opposed to doing the bare minimum in my job and doing a good job as a parent and spouse. Even with this realization, there were lots of times where I sat on the couch the first year and just felt like I was drowning and life was over. That happened in the second year as well, but less after the child was 18 months. And by ~2.5, it's a lot better! Also, in my reply I forgot to say - Get help in the house. Have a maid come every 2 weeks. If somebody can cook for you, do that. If you want to get one of those Hello Fresh style meal services, do that for a while. Do what it takes to reduce the load. There's more to "get help" than seeing a therapist. It's expensive to get help, but it's more expensive to recover from a mental breakdown