You are mourning your lost life. You are attached to a past vision of yourself that no longer exists. Killing yourself doesn't help anyone including you. You c

You are mourning your lost life. You are attached to a past vision of yourself that no longer exists. Killing yourself doesn't help anyone including you. You can try to return to your former life by leaving the wife and kids and debt behind. You still would need to pay child support. You could change your debt structure by selling an overpriced home which would allow you to leave your area for cheaper living and remote opportunities at more creative roles. You could accept this is where you are now and things will slow down. Use the time to dream up ideas of what you really want to be doing. When you get the chance you will just create pieces im short bursts and it will be satifying.