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I find that I get more emotionally jerked around working in person and can insulate myself from it working from home. Coworker acts curt to me as though they a

by twayt 5y ago

I find that I get more emotionally jerked around working in person and can insulate myself from it working from home. Coworker acts curt to me as though they are superior and more productive than me? Rage ensues and I get an ungodly amount of work done. Come across an inspiring/encouraging coworker or get recognition for something? I feel great and feel like I take more risks. Coworker types super loud or acts inconsiderately? My productivity is hampered and I keep focusing on that instead of getting work done. Attractive coworker or someone I want to impress within sight? I can’t concentrate on actual productivity and try to overcompensate by typing more and acting zoned in. Feel like a social failure during lunch and forced to sit passively as a couple douchebag workers on adderall dominate the conversation? Feel like a bitch for a few hours. At home, I’m as productive as I need to be and my motivation allows me to be. No more emotional volatility regarding how I relate to others around me. Fucking incredible if you ask me.

alecbz 5y ago
Totally just my 0.02, but this reads a little like "opting out" instead of addressing issues interacting with other humans. Like yeah, humans are sometimes great, sometimes make you feel not great, sometimes are genuinely bad. I think life is learning to address and navigate all of that.
- rendall 5y ago
  Speaking as someone who has at times felt the same as OP, some people's empathy or emotional reactivity is just amped up higher than average for whatever reason. You can argue that they shouldn't, or mustn't, or should do something else, but navigating all of that is simply more distracting and exhausting for some than others.
  - alecbz 5y ago
    1. I'm not saying it's not more of an issue for some than others, but I still think learning to navigate that is part of life. It depends a bit on what kind of life you want, but I think we're inherently social beings, and learning how to navigate difficult social settings is important, even if difficult. 2. I'm pretty empathetic and emotionally reactive, and honestly I've found that WFH makes this worse in a lot of ways. Working IRL helps humanize people. A disagreement over text might make me feel like I'm being attacked, but it's easier to see it more as just a discussion if it's happening IRL. People that I view as being malicious start to seem more human and relatable IRL. I'm better able to vent and commiserate with others IRL than over text.
- twayt 5y ago
  Never said that these people were bad. Just stating my reaction to them is blunted and no longer affects my productivity. Your framework of dealing with people seems different from mine. What in this post strikes you as “opting out”? That comment doesn’t make sense to me and some clarification would be great. Also, do these things not bother you or do you simply have a different way of dealing with it so that you don’t feel bad about it?
  - alecbz 5y ago
    I think these kinds of difficulties with dealing with people are a common but "normal" and "intended" part of life, and my 0.02 is that it's better to learn how to navigate and live with these situations instead of solving the issue by removing people from the equation. I brought up bad people in part because some people do just suck, are toxic, etc., and often just cutting those people out is the right move. You're not really getting anything by letting them influence or affect you; it's just negatively affecting your quality of life. But I think ~most people have some good and some bad about them. Things about them will annoy, bother, anger, or distract you, but other parts of knowing them will be rewarding and fulfilling to your life overall. So I think it's valuable to learn how to weather the bad so you can benefit from the good.
    - twayt 5y ago
      I don't think being able to navigate these situations and not exposing yourself to them at the behest of your productivity and peace are mutually exclusive. You might be able to tolerate something but choose not to expose yourself to it unnecessarily. In the other comment you posted, you mentioned how working from home makes you more sensitive to such issues. That seems to be a direct parallel of this situation. You should do what's most convenient for you, not forcefully expose yourself to a shitty situation for no reason.
      - alecbz 5y ago
        > not forcefully expose yourself to a shitty situation for no reason. Well my whole point is that there's not 'no reason'. (Except sometimes in the case of genuinely bad/toxic people, like I mention). Maybe a more general way of saying what I'm saying: I think convenience-maximization finds local optima too aggressively. I think life oughta be a bit more like simulated annealing.

by twayt 5y ago

alecbz 5y ago

Totally just my 0.02, but this reads a little like "opting out" instead of addressing issues interacting with other humans. Like yeah, humans are sometimes great, sometimes make you feel not great, sometimes are genuinely bad. I think life is learning to address and navigate all of that.

rendall 5y ago
Speaking as someone who has at times felt the same as OP, some people's empathy or emotional reactivity is just amped up higher than average for whatever reason. You can argue that they shouldn't, or mustn't, or should do something else, but navigating all of that is simply more distracting and exhausting for some than others.
- alecbz 5y ago
  1. I'm not saying it's not more of an issue for some than others, but I still think learning to navigate that is part of life. It depends a bit on what kind of life you want, but I think we're inherently social beings, and learning how to navigate difficult social settings is important, even if difficult. 2. I'm pretty empathetic and emotionally reactive, and honestly I've found that WFH makes this worse in a lot of ways. Working IRL helps humanize people. A disagreement over text might make me feel like I'm being attacked, but it's easier to see it more as just a discussion if it's happening IRL. People that I view as being malicious start to seem more human and relatable IRL. I'm better able to vent and commiserate with others IRL than over text.
twayt 5y ago
Never said that these people were bad. Just stating my reaction to them is blunted and no longer affects my productivity. Your framework of dealing with people seems different from mine. What in this post strikes you as “opting out”? That comment doesn’t make sense to me and some clarification would be great. Also, do these things not bother you or do you simply have a different way of dealing with it so that you don’t feel bad about it?
- alecbz 5y ago
  I think these kinds of difficulties with dealing with people are a common but "normal" and "intended" part of life, and my 0.02 is that it's better to learn how to navigate and live with these situations instead of solving the issue by removing people from the equation. I brought up bad people in part because some people do just suck, are toxic, etc., and often just cutting those people out is the right move. You're not really getting anything by letting them influence or affect you; it's just negatively affecting your quality of life. But I think ~most people have some good and some bad about them. Things about them will annoy, bother, anger, or distract you, but other parts of knowing them will be rewarding and fulfilling to your life overall. So I think it's valuable to learn how to weather the bad so you can benefit from the good.
  - twayt 5y ago
    I don't think being able to navigate these situations and not exposing yourself to them at the behest of your productivity and peace are mutually exclusive. You might be able to tolerate something but choose not to expose yourself to it unnecessarily. In the other comment you posted, you mentioned how working from home makes you more sensitive to such issues. That seems to be a direct parallel of this situation. You should do what's most convenient for you, not forcefully expose yourself to a shitty situation for no reason.
    - alecbz 5y ago
      > not forcefully expose yourself to a shitty situation for no reason. Well my whole point is that there's not 'no reason'. (Except sometimes in the case of genuinely bad/toxic people, like I mention). Maybe a more general way of saying what I'm saying: I think convenience-maximization finds local optima too aggressively. I think life oughta be a bit more like simulated annealing.