3 ms·

You really think men are somehow victimized on online dating sites? you really think these women owe you a date?

deleted 5y ago
[deleted]
alexb_ 5y ago
I don't think he ever said this. He just said that men have a harder time getting matches than women. That's just factually true.
- not2b 5y ago
  Depends on age. Younger men and older women are at a disadvantage.
PaulHoule 5y ago
For men overall: 20% of the guys get 80% of the matches. If you are below the median you get basically zero. That's very good for the top 20% but below some cutoff it is not worth participating. If you call that 'victimization' than it is. So far as 'me' I can say in person there is a good chance I can give somebody I meet (e.g. regardless of sex, gender, sexual orientation, whether or not I am interested in them sexually...) a memorable experience. I can't do that through Tinder, not at all.
- astrange 5y ago
  You only need one good one. (well, that depends if you're dating to increase your score or not) IIRC from that OKCupid research, women only rated 20% of men as attractive, but then their attractiveness rating didn't actually affect who they responded to, so it didn't really matter. Also, women know better than men that attractiveness is a thing you do not a thing you are.
  - pseudalopex 5y ago
    Attractiveness affected reply rates for men and women about the same.[1] [1] https://www.gwern.net/docs/psychology/okcupid/yourlooksandyourinbox.html https://www.gwern.net/docs/psychology/okcupid/yourlooksandyo...
    - astrange 5y ago
      It's this part: > But with the basic ratings so out-of-whack, the two curves together suggest some strange possibilities for the female thought process, the most salient of which is that the average-looking woman has convinced herself that the vast majority of males aren’t good enough for her, but she then goes right out and messages them anyway.
      - pseudalopex 5y ago
        That was sending messages. The curves showed women sent about 40% of messages to the bottom 55% of men. The last chart showed reply rates. Attractiveness affected both.

deleted 5y ago

[deleted]

I don't think he ever said this. He just said that men have a harder time getting matches than women. That's just factually true.

not2b 5y ago
Depends on age. Younger men and older women are at a disadvantage.

PaulHoule 5y ago

For men overall: 20% of the guys get 80% of the matches. If you are below the median you get basically zero. That's very good for the top 20% but below some cutoff it is not worth participating. If you call that 'victimization' than it is. So far as 'me' I can say in person there is a good chance I can give somebody I meet (e.g. regardless of sex, gender, sexual orientation, whether or not I am interested in them sexually...) a memorable experience. I can't do that through Tinder, not at all.

astrange 5y ago
You only need one good one. (well, that depends if you're dating to increase your score or not) IIRC from that OKCupid research, women only rated 20% of men as attractive, but then their attractiveness rating didn't actually affect who they responded to, so it didn't really matter. Also, women know better than men that attractiveness is a thing you do not a thing you are.
- pseudalopex 5y ago
  Attractiveness affected reply rates for men and women about the same.[1] [1] https://www.gwern.net/docs/psychology/okcupid/yourlooksandyourinbox.html https://www.gwern.net/docs/psychology/okcupid/yourlooksandyo...
  - astrange 5y ago
    It's this part: > But with the basic ratings so out-of-whack, the two curves together suggest some strange possibilities for the female thought process, the most salient of which is that the average-looking woman has convinced herself that the vast majority of males aren’t good enough for her, but she then goes right out and messages them anyway.
    - pseudalopex 5y ago
      That was sending messages. The curves showed women sent about 40% of messages to the bottom 55% of men. The last chart showed reply rates. Attractiveness affected both.