4 ms·

At 28, this describes me exactly. Found my partner in college, bought a nice 4-bedroom house in a nice area close to friends/family. Financially stable with ple

At 28, this describes me exactly. Found my partner in college, bought a nice 4-bedroom house in a nice area close to friends/family. Financially stable with plenty of time to spend on creative hobbies. We both “jumped in” to moderately lucrative careers early and are now in very comfortable positions at companies that more or less contribute to the good. By all appearances a perfect life which truly results in many days of happiness. It still feels empty/pointless. I’m too embarrassed to complain to those around me, but sometimes I wish I could buy into religion or child-rearing so that I would have a pre-manufactured purpose, and wouldn’t have to keep searching for one constantly. I think when the pandemic is over we’ll try traveling more to see if that scratches the itch.

xwdv 5y ago
The reason you feel this way is because you’ve never been on the other side. Imagine reaching mid thirties, no more friends, no partner, no real prospects, and getting older is making it harder to attract quality females. Your only source of somewhat human interaction is writing on the internet. It is a life of quiet desperation. There is only one goal, to accumulate money, watch graphs go up and to the right. Money is the only way to have relevance in this society, the only salvation from becoming invisible in the dating pool. And I know money can’t really make you happy, but it’s the only thing that has truly taken care of me over the years. Would you really trade your life for this? You found someone thing good, hold onto it. It will all be over soon enough one day.
- escapedmoose 5y ago
  I haven't been on the other side, and I think I mentioned that I feel silly complaining about this life. But my version of life also feels like "a life of quiet desperation." I suppose it's better with a partner than it would be without, just as it's better with money than without, but that feels like splitting hairs in the face of existential meaninglessness.
  - xwdv 5y ago
    Do you have an idea of what your ideal life would be?
    - escapedmoose 5y ago
      I think it would start with "not having to work to live" and from there cascade into lots of time spent building personal projects and playing Scrabble with my parents. What would yours be?
- Viliam1234 5y ago
  > Money is the only way to have relevance in this society, the only salvation from becoming invisible in the dating pool. This depends on what bubble you are in. It might be true for most of the society, but there are many subcultures that have different values. Think about any job that is not associated with making money, or any hobby that does not require buying expensive stuff; you will probably find such people there. Money is simply the "common language" of people who have nothing else in common. If you have nothing in common with someone, money is the most reliable way to impress them. But this is like the laziest strategy ever (well, except for the part where you make the money, that part may be pretty difficult). Step one, find a subculture focused on something you enjoy - now you have another way to be socially relevant. Step two... well, if the specific subculture happens to have more women than men (statistically should be true for about half of the subcultures), the step two is just to enjoy life and be nice to people around you.
  - xwdv 5y ago
    Picking up hobbies to meet women is miserable. I actually do not want to meet any kind of women while doing my hobbies, I do not want something pure to be distracted with prurient thoughts.
istjohn 5y ago
I think we find happiness in service to a community. It can be religion or family, or it can be mentoring, community service, activism, etc. It could be as basic as visiting a retirement home or walking dogs at a shelter. It's pretty hard to feel empty ennui while seeing the gratitude in someone's eyes. And the world is chock-full of lonely, needy people.

xwdv 5y ago

The reason you feel this way is because you’ve never been on the other side. Imagine reaching mid thirties, no more friends, no partner, no real prospects, and getting older is making it harder to attract quality females. Your only source of somewhat human interaction is writing on the internet. It is a life of quiet desperation. There is only one goal, to accumulate money, watch graphs go up and to the right. Money is the only way to have relevance in this society, the only salvation from becoming invisible in the dating pool. And I know money can’t really make you happy, but it’s the only thing that has truly taken care of me over the years. Would you really trade your life for this? You found someone thing good, hold onto it. It will all be over soon enough one day.

escapedmoose 5y ago
I haven't been on the other side, and I think I mentioned that I feel silly complaining about this life. But my version of life also feels like "a life of quiet desperation." I suppose it's better with a partner than it would be without, just as it's better with money than without, but that feels like splitting hairs in the face of existential meaninglessness.
- xwdv 5y ago
  Do you have an idea of what your ideal life would be?
  - escapedmoose 5y ago
    I think it would start with "not having to work to live" and from there cascade into lots of time spent building personal projects and playing Scrabble with my parents. What would yours be?
Viliam1234 5y ago
> Money is the only way to have relevance in this society, the only salvation from becoming invisible in the dating pool. This depends on what bubble you are in. It might be true for most of the society, but there are many subcultures that have different values. Think about any job that is not associated with making money, or any hobby that does not require buying expensive stuff; you will probably find such people there. Money is simply the "common language" of people who have nothing else in common. If you have nothing in common with someone, money is the most reliable way to impress them. But this is like the laziest strategy ever (well, except for the part where you make the money, that part may be pretty difficult). Step one, find a subculture focused on something you enjoy - now you have another way to be socially relevant. Step two... well, if the specific subculture happens to have more women than men (statistically should be true for about half of the subcultures), the step two is just to enjoy life and be nice to people around you.
- xwdv 5y ago
  Picking up hobbies to meet women is miserable. I actually do not want to meet any kind of women while doing my hobbies, I do not want something pure to be distracted with prurient thoughts.

istjohn 5y ago

I think we find happiness in service to a community. It can be religion or family, or it can be mentoring, community service, activism, etc. It could be as basic as visiting a retirement home or walking dogs at a shelter. It's pretty hard to feel empty ennui while seeing the gratitude in someone's eyes. And the world is chock-full of lonely, needy people.