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Mourning the loss of one’s youth is pretty typical. You lose a step. You didn’t do what you hoped you would do. You wasted your time. So forth and so on. Don’t
by hownottowrite 5y ago
Mourning the loss of one’s youth is pretty typical. You lose a step. You didn’t do what you hoped you would do. You wasted your time. So forth and so on.
Don’t worry. It gets better. This is all part of the process of life.
My recommendation is that you read Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl.
“He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.”
I’m 52 here. I was a prolific programmer in my 20s. A go-go marketer in my 30s. For the last 10 years, I’ve run a business that I love with two partners who have taken advantage of me at every turn. The last two years neither has worked and yet they get paid.
Do I feel lost or depressed? Absolutely not.
I love life. I have an amazing family to whom I am utterly devoted. I volunteer for stuff. I do cool things every day. If I feel bored, I make things with my hands or engage in other creative pursuits. I focus on the moment and others more than anything else and all the rest just goes away.
How is this possible? I’ve filled my life with reasons to live.
In fact, I have so many now that there is no room for worry about what I have and haven’t done. And in doing so, I realize that none of that matters anyway.
My mom died at 52 after taking a header down a flight of stairs. My grandfather died at 56 after getting stabbed in the belly by my grandmother (she was psychotic).
Our naked existence is laughable. Everything can be lost in an instant.
Dive into the why and you can deal with any how.
- null_shift 5y agoWhat if you don’t have any “why”? How would you go about finding one?
- hownottowrite 5y agoPersonally, I find it in service and hard, physical work but I think anything that breaks you out of overthinking and just doing can work. Another good book along this line is Shopclass as Soulcraft. Totally different subject but also about finding a why.
- orborde 5y agoWhy do you still work with the useless partners?
- hownottowrite 5y agoBecause I have a whole bunch of employees who still like to eat and a whole bunch of customers who love what we do. If I stop, all that stops too. The state of my partnership might be crap, but the worst day I’ve ever had working for myself is still better than the best day I had working for someone else.
- hackerfromthefu 5y agoWould it be feasible and better to start a new business and let the customers and employees who want to migrate across?
- hownottowrite 5y agoNot in this case. As Jacques notes, there’s the legal barrier but there are also a few other unique factors.
- jacquesm 5y agoNot unless you like lawsuits.
- hownottowrite 5y agoPrecisely and when one party has a business lawyer for a sibling it gets even more expensive.
- jacquesm 5y agoCan you buy them out? That would be one way to kill the nuisance and find some more joy in what it looks like your self-respect forces you to do.
- hownottowrite 5y agoOne yes and the other no. It’s a rather complicated, self-inflicted situation. Cleaning up the mess would definitely raise the joy factor. I’ve been working for awhile to find a mutually acceptable solution but we are at an impasse. So, I can get a bigger bite of the apple but probably never get the whole thing.
- user_235711 5y agoI second the "Man’s Search for Meaning" recommendation. That book is great for putting one's struggles into perspective, and emphasizing the importance of a "why."
- ggpsv 5y agoAgreed, great book. Meaning comes from within, it is in you to create it. Status, material possessions, wealth, family, prestige - all of it can be taken away from you. But not meaning.
- tonguez 5y agoThis book gets recommended a lot probably because it relates to the Holocaust, but it's worth pointing out that "Man’s Search for Meaning" describes itself as "a story". It's not a philosophical book. If you want, you can learn about the development of human thought over time. There is an entire history of philosophy. "Siddhartha" or "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn" might also relate to the meaning of life but they are also not philosophy books. They might be great books but you might be looking for something completely different.
- hownottowrite 5y agoIf you get the full edition, there’s a complete discourse on Frankl’s method (designed for the layperson). That said, I found the actual story of his experience far more compelling and much easier to relate to… at least in a way of making any problems I might have seem meaningless by comparison.
- basisword 5y agoInterestingly I found the logotherapy part of the book much more useful and compelling. Using the holocaust as an example of putting it into practice is so extreme it's unrelatable. The daily life type case studies in the second part of the book were much easier for me to learn from. Saying that, hearing a first hand account of the holocaust was powerful in its own way.
- 5y ago
- meristohm 5y agoI think of people with whom I have good relationships as buoys, and your description of “whys” inclined me to add them as buoys, too; bulwarks against despair and for inspiration. Thanks as well for the nudge to read Man’s Search for Meaning. Listening to Blindboy talk on his podcast about Frankl is as far as I’ve gotten. Having a child, especially one with disabilities that require extra daily attention, provided/provides a “why” and inspired me to come up with some others. How whys of you :)
- hownottowrite 5y agoExcellent pun and glad I could be of help. I have kids too and I work with many other children I tend to think of as my kids as well. They are always a joy and a balance. Good luck to you!