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I’m in my late 40s. Just gone through 15 years of absolute shit with an ex partner and financial chaos. Decided I’d fix it in 2019. Three important things to c

by hughrr 5y ago

I’m in my late 40s. Just gone through 15 years of absolute shit with an ex partner and financial chaos. Decided I’d fix it in 2019. Three important things to concentrate on: 1. Health. If that’s off, fix it first. Everything depends on health. Sort out your diet, physical fitness and health and mental health follows. I’m fitter than all my peers and both fitter and healthier than I was in my 20s. Can run a half marathon now. 2. Social contacts. Get out there and make friends. In my case i signed up to Meetup and just attended random stuff until people stuck. This usually involves hiking, pubs and bars, restaurant nights out. 3. Invest in experiences. Go travelling, do new things and learn new stuff completely away from your usual area of expertise and comfort. So I’m usually desk bound in the middle of the city but a few weeks back I’m standing on a mountain in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night in the middle of winter doing celestial navigation course. It was amazing. All positive, fulfilling experiences in life I have found require putting yourself in unusual and uncomfortable positions. Life where there is no normal but it’s not bad abnormal is where the fun is. Doing those things together with other people is where you make meaningful lasting friends and relationships too.

canyon289 5y ago
+1 on health as well. I worked at SpaceX earlier in my career. Others wrote about how having just a career for meaning in your life can have downsides and I wholeheartedly agree. Let me tell you that job gave me meaning, novelty everyday, launching rockets into space, non work friends always asking questions. The downside for me was I absolutely neglected my health because work was more meaningful than basically anything else, relationships, fitness, family. Focusing on fitness, when I left the company I realized how terrible my health situation was. Lots of late nights, lunch at my desk, and lack of physical activity took a huge toll. Getting to a healthier state fixed all the usual stuff, but also unexpectedly gave me mental happiness and has made me a better data scientist as well. I wrote a blog post detailing out why desk nerds should very much consider taking on healthy habits, and it brings me so much joy to see others here have seen similar results as well. https://ravinkumar.com/WhyFitness.html https://ravinkumar.com/WhyFitness.html
m_abdelfattah 5y ago
Going to the gym and progressing in any sport made a huge difference for me.
Beltalowda 5y ago
> 2. Social contacts. Get out there and make friends. In my case i signed up to Meetup and just attended random stuff until people stuck. This usually involves hiking, pubs and bars, restaurant nights out. I think a problem that a lot of people struggled with, especially those in their late 20s/30s that haven't quite settled down yet, is that corona has made this a lot harder (depending on region) in the last few years. Same on point 3 actually. Fully agree with your points though; after breaking up with my girlfriend (whom I met on meetup btw) a number of years ago doing pretty much exactly these thing really helped me get back on my feet and went from "I feel like shit all the time" to "I have great new friends whom I do fun new stuff with, a girlfriend, and generally feel pretty darn good" in a matter of about two weeks. Right now it's a lot harder though, and has been for a while, since both are much harder where I live, which has translated in various problems including feeling more or less like the OP is describing.
johndill 5y ago
+1 on health. I'm way older than both of you. Clean living and regular, vigorous, exercise has been the #1 key to loving yourself, confidence and mental health. Pays huge dividends later in life. As for relationships. As the old saying goes "If you are looking for a trout, don't fish in a herring barrel". Do what you want to do, travel where you want to go, join and participate in hobbies that you like. Group activities will be best (hiking, exercise, walking, tours, photography), You will meet your peers. good luck
- anoplus 5y ago
  I think I need to realize this simple advice. Thanks.
  - hughrr 5y ago
    It’s correct. Also why I have an ex wife. Hmm.
csee 5y ago
What is your personality type? Are you extroverted? Would points (2) and (3) differ for someone who is introverted?
- wayoutthere 5y ago
  Nope; social life is important. I find that I get overwhelmed and drained with large groups, but doing things with a group small enough to fit in a car together is fine. I personally have some hobbies I enjoy for their own sake, and meeting people through those has been rewarding. It’s good to have a mix of “close friends” who you can be open and will support you emotionally, and “activity buddies” who you can geek out about your shared interests with. Humans are not meant to go through the world alone and modern life can be incredibly isolating. It takes effort to build social connection but it is well worth it.
  - alt227 5y ago
    Glad this works for you, but humans are not all the same. Dont assume what makes you happy also makes other people happy. This is akin to telling somebody with depression to 'Cheer Up'.
    - deberon 5y ago
      They were answering a personal question.
    - Taywee 5y ago
      Absolutely not. Even introverts need social connections. It's more akin to telling somebody to get fit because it's good for their health. Introvert does not mean asocial or antisocial. Social connections are a fundamental part of every human's mental health. Maybe some disorders might change this up, but being an introvert is not that.
      - alt227 5y ago
        So why do I feel ike you are specifically telling me that what makes me happy is wrong and bad for me?
mucholove 5y ago
Plus one on health. Probably the last thing I’ll stop paying for is my trainer / coach. (I am doing gymnastics) My life has picked up so much momentum after that. A failed relationship left a hole in my heart and existence. A failed business also sucked—but much less) Health is the first foot forward. And sports with people is probably the best way to go! (OP you have the cash for a trainer. Do it!)
elzbardico 5y ago
Plus one in health and physical fitness. Buying a bicycle and using it daily was probably the best investment I ever made in myself. Also, I can't believe that I smoked those filthy cigarretes for so long, but how good is that I stopped this habit. About material realizations please remind that the average successful enterpreneur age is about 45. I only started being able to save serious, retirement-style money when I've got 40.
- tomerbd 5y ago
  Which bike did you buy?
  - theturtletalks 5y ago
    Buy a used road bike off Craigslist. Look for brands like Trek, Cannondale, Specialized. Even their vintage models (80s and 90s) still ride very smooth and can be around $150-250. This way, if your bike gets stolen or you simply don't ride enough, you're not too much out of pocket.
    - hughrr 5y ago
      This. I have a Dawes ultra galaxy about a decade old. It has an unhealthy amount of duct tape around it which seems to put people off. I saw someone think about stealing it and choose something less cranky looking.
  - mrweasel 5y ago
    At the risk of sounding like an ass: It doesn't matter, just get one that's the right size. I understand why you ask, I'm very much the same way (unless you're asking just because you're curious). Some times I decide that it's time to make a change, and I start to look for thing I can buy to facilitate the process, exercise equipment, kitchen aids, clothing, essentially attempting to buy into a lifestyle. The thing that made me notice was when I started getting into minimalism, and I started to look for "minimalist things" I could buy... That sort of highlighted the absurdity of the idea.
  - 5y ago
imoldfella 5y ago
Good things, but Memento Mori. No matter what you do, your health will fail eventually. Decide what your life is about and get about doing it.
- hunter-gatherer 5y ago
  That isn't the point the comenters above are making. They are saying that without good physical health it is extremely difficult, maybe impossible, to decide what your lifr is about and get doing about doing it for most people. Health fails eventually, yes-but being active and health conscious makes the end more bearable. My gym has a dozen or so 80+ year olds that could train circles around your average 20 year old.
- FpUser 5y ago
  I am 60 but very active and fit. Can't overstate the importance of it. It makes me feel young and I am constantly working on new projects, have lots of energy and general positive outlook. Clients do not believe my age when they see me. They think I am 40. Meanwhile at one point (year 2000) I was total physical and mental wreck after working as a lead architect for a company. Went on my own since then. What I do - My daily exercise routine is - 2 hour cardio (hike, cycle, swim if summer) and every other day 4 sets of 20 chin ups or 4 sets of 20 triceps dips for strength. Cardio takes time, strength does not as I have bars right close to my computer in my office. Sure, one day it will all go downhill and I'll croak but for now I enjoy the life just as well as when I was 20.
  - joconde 5y ago
    > My daily exercise routine is - 2 hour cardio Do you have a full-time job? That would take most of my evenings if I decided to do it.
    - kojeovo 5y ago
      No one starts doing 2 hours of cardio. You can do 20-30 mins and be a lot better off than with 0.
baxtr 5y ago
+1 on all of them. I would add reading. That has helped me a lot to calm down. Re health: I recently discovered a great blog with in-depth articles about how to lose weight: https://physiqonomics.com https://physiqonomics.com PS: Don't get distracted by the seemingly arrogant profile picture. His content is really good.
- wrycoder 5y ago
  Well, he does actually look like that. And he’s only 25, so he’s still a bit arrogant :-) But, what he’s saying agrees with my experience, at three times his age: train with weights, have a caloric deficit emphasizing low carb, and walk for an hour on the days you aren’t lifting. https://physiqonomics.com/cardio-or-weights/ https://physiqonomics.com/cardio-or-weights/
  - dmurray 5y ago
    You can't have a caloric deficit as a long-term lifestyle choice: eventually you would waste away. But perhaps it's good advice anyway because most people could benefit from it in the short term.
    - baxtr 5y ago
      He actually has content on how to stop a low-deficit diet once your happy with your weight.
    - eurekin 5y ago
      After few years of training and being lead by a personal trainer and a dietician I'd add one thing: It's crucial to have a high BMR - basal metabolic rate, when going into a deficit. Any deficit will cause body to lower the BMR and, if it's going into < 1800kcal/day (for man) it will generally result in problems. Body is very adaptable and will just shut down any energy hungry "facilities": lower body temperature ("I'm cold all the time", "I always have cold last two fingers"), increase sleep duration, decrease immune responses ("Why I get flu all the time in season, while others don't?") and so on. It will loose fat, but if BMR is low, then it's also in the shock mode, where it will want to get that back as fast as possible, with some extra. That's how the yoyo effect work on physiological level. So, start cutting on BMR of 2500-3000. It won't drop into dangerous levels and will be lower impact on the body
KineticLensman 5y ago
Agree on health. It’s important to bear in mind that health can suddenly go bad, which in turn means that you should make the most of the present rather than thinking “I can postpone doing X,Y,Z” until I’m older. My father died when he was 59 and had lifestyle-limiting illnesses for the last decade of his life. Bearing this in mind, I went down to a three-day working week aged 56 and then fully retired two years later. I’ve looked after my health but six months ago had an unpredicted episode of Ventricular Fibrillation for genetic rather than lifestyle reasons. I was fitted with an ICD and quickly got back to my physical health but under UK law had to surrender my driving license and I’m now stuck waiting for my application for a new one to work through our bureaucracy. On balance I wish I’d fully retired slightly earlier. Coming back to other points that are made here, I found in my last few years at work that the technology was ‘same-old same-old’ and that I found working with talented youngsters (sometimes as a formal mentor) the most rewarding part of my job. Perhaps I was just lucky, but I helped four younger people to go past me on the corporate ladder, and in turn they all looked out for me later on. I was also able to work in an environment where I was viewed as a principal customer-facing techie, rather than having to remain totally corporate. This in fact reduced my career-development options (as I was out on site with the customers rather than being highly visible to my bosses) but I viewed this as a positive.
alisonkisk 5y ago
janwillemb 5y ago
Another +1 for health, which is easy to improve by exercising. I started exercising (simple pushups and pullups) in 2019 and running a year ago. My social life has improved by this as well, it's just easier to do things when you're healthy. People also start making remarks about my physique, which is also nice :) I was lucky to make new intimate friends as well around that time, which also really helps feeling connected. Exercise you just do, but for friendship you need some luck.
slothtrop 5y ago
100% on 1&2 but would qualify, ime, travel is a cheap thrill if you overdo it. It's great to shake things up once in awhile, but not something the average person wants to sustain on a regular basis. Personal projects, hobbies, and sociable fun become the long-invested experiences
- throwawayboise 5y ago
  Yes travel holds zero appeal for me. It seems like a waste of time and money. I would be quite happy never leaving my small town. Doing other productive things is inspiring, however.
eurekin 5y ago
+1 on 1. Health! It might be personal and specific to me exactly, but focusing on health has made the best impact on my general well being and offset my "I feel old and tired" vibe. I started out with the most general advice reg. sleep, food and exercise. I noticed that most of my peers tend to get better quicker. That made me dig deeper and I actually discovered some interesting cause and the chain of events that ultimately lead to me being sleepy, groggy and not wanting to take an action in most life activities besides top priorities, which I mostly powered through. I believe that the general feeling is at many times, a signal from the body and strongly influences our thoughts. Like the split brain patients, that are rationalizing actions in an obviously wrong way (the left/right eye experiment, where patient comes up with elaborate explanations about, what the other hemisphere came up with). We just feel bad - which is low level physiological cue - and translate that to all sorts of high-level frontal cortex artefacts. As the OP mentioned: former fun things aren't cutting it anymore. I also very strongly recommend learning about mental health. My biggest gem was dr K and his channel HealthyGamer on youtube. Like, this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nuZ8G_ERYUw https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nuZ8G_ERYUw I've binged a lot of his videos and he advanced my understanding of psychology from "people can be sociopaths, depressed, narcissists [etc.]" into more nuanced and refined level. He also provides some tools, that can actually help in real life
Drdrdrq 5y ago
+1 on health, but especially fitness. There is no health without it. In last few years it was all too easy to stop doing sports, but there should be less excuse now. If you are afraid of getting infected, go outdoor!
husamia 5y ago
+ Health + Travel + find something that wakes you up in morning and work on it
swat535 5y ago
This is excellent advice, I couldn't agree more with Health. Everything else will pretty much fall into place once you take care of it. It will be easier to meet people, you will not have mood swings, or lack confidence. Your mind will be sharper and can think better! One thing that gets missed often is spiritual health. I believe it's as equally important as physical and mental health. I'm not advocating for extremist religious dogma but at a minimum, I think one should figure out their belief structure one way or another. I recommend to give this matter some thought, research various religions, philosophy and history and make your own conclusions. On the subject of social contacts, the biggest thing to realize is that our world is shaped by our minds. This means that how your perceive yourself and other people will have a huge impact on your ability to connect with others. If you constantly see strangers as a threat, or as judgmental people, or "label" yourself as antisocial/timid/unattractive, etc then other people will unconsciously pick up on it. Humans have mirror neurons and can read micro expressions, we are social mammals after all. As a side note, women are _really_ good at this, don't be fooled! you can't _fake_ it! The only way is to actually feel good inside and clear your heart and mind.. Best of luck to OP!
- meristohm 5y ago
  One way towards spiritual health is to find wonder in things beyond my control, and for me that is primarily looking at the moon and stars, augmented by walls in the woods and noticing phenology—-what animals are active when, noticing frost on the ground, posting attention to the wind direction by feel, things like this. I don’t ascribe any meaning to any of this, just immerse myself in the observation practice.
- dv35z 5y ago
  Agreed on the spirituality. I have felt similarly unhappy as the original poster & some others on the thread. Stuck in corporate unfulfilling tech job. 2 years ago, I was able to break free (happy to share if folks are curious to hear). This advice has worked for me, it could work for you: (1) Health: actively prioritize good sleep, learn to cook some mediterranean dishes (easy, tasty, exotic, healthy, good as leftovers). Make lots, and share with people. Cook the same dishes a bunch of times until its muscle memory, then try something new. If you are into weed - smoking a J, putting on fun music, turning the lights down & doing some cooking / meal prep - seriously, one of the most fun activities, and so helpful. (2) Fitness: yoga (google "sun salutations" - 10 min & you're good), 1000% embrace #bikeLife (great exercise, dramatically helps unwind the mind, it's a hobby you can do for most of your life, lots of mechanical fiddling), and wear a helmet 100% of the time. Try a social racquet sport (squash when its cold, pickleball when warm). Squash is my #1 favorite, recommended sport. Easy to learn, low impact, tons of cardio (1000+ kcal burned / hr), tons of fun, great community, internationally played, & you can play it until you're old. Pay for 5 lessons. It's worth whatever money it costs. (3) Spirituality. Check into Buddhism. It's a highly practical way to think about & live your life & purpose. I strongly suggest this book (its a quick read, uses plain speech / low jargon, highly actionable throughout the day). It does a great job of explaining how happiness works (I want to say "mentally mechanically"), wanting/shoulding, being observant & intentional of emotion-thought-word-action chains. It's had a huge positive impact on my own sense of worth, relationships with people around me, the feeling of life purpose - good stuff. This is the book: Eight Mindful Steps to Happiness: Walking the Buddha's Path (Meditation in Plain English) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0861711769/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apip_Cah88WdvsBhTB https://www.amazon.com/dp/0861711769/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apip_Cah... (4) Music. Learn to play an instrument. Check out piano. It's WAY easier than you think it is. You already know computer keyboard shortcuts & combos. Same thing works in piano. Youtube Search for "4 chord song axis of awesome". You can learn that exact song in an afternoon, and you have that skill - and ability to express- all those songs for life. When there is any decision in your life that involves a music option, lean into it. Hang out with healthy & interesting old people - do what they do, ask their advice. I asked my grandmother of 95 years - still healthy of mind - "What get's you up in the morning each day?". Without missing a beat, she said "Music." She plays piano, sings, dances (wiggles these days). It makes her soul alive, and brings joy to the people around her. To put that Thought into Action, I bought a little MIDI keyboard, plugs into computer or ipad. Garageband makes it so easy. I can't believe I had that app on my Mac for 15+ years and never thought to seriously play around with it. Making fun hilarious synth songs are dead simple, and tons of fun - especially with a friend, partner, etc. I went from "there is no way I can play a musical instrument, I have to just accept this in my life & move on." to being able to sit down at a piano in any bar, and slam out some fun honky tonk / blues. In 3 months. Music can seriously be used as a mental health tool. When I am feeling down, I can now "procrastinate" on the piano for 15 min as a reward. I try to play the most ridiculous epic concert to myself (so many dumbass epic Spinal Tap style solos). After that, I can feel that the "cloudy soul" / clenched chest anxious feeling is replaced with an enlivened soul vibe. All this to say, I'm now convinced that music is the key to this life. Seriously consider checking it out. If you know anyone who plays an instrument, ask them "could you show me how to do the easiest cool thing?" This is never a chore to a musician, and usually makes their whole day. Get lessons with a real person - a true performer, the best you can find. A couple hours of their time would be GOLD. Finally: Listen to Earl Nightengale, and find a way to play the album on shuffle every morning (you can use an Alexa Routine to shuffle play the Spotify playlist). Earl Nightengale's advice has been the #1 thing that helped me shift from an unfulfilling life to a life I am actually excited to wake up to. https://open.spotify.com/track/5tTvGc18CCgyDrye65PAGP?si=Z7x3AdxNRS-Q5e7QEgeebg https://open.spotify.com/track/5tTvGc18CCgyDrye65PAGP?si=Z7x... I can say from experience in my own life, that the advice works. Best of luck on the journey.
mr_tristan 5y ago
I agree with all of this, and just want to add a note about mental health; take your stress levels seriously and learn to know your triggers. While most of us working in tech tend to live pretty cushy lives, but, we are surrounded by silly frustrations and limitless distractions that can sum up and become pretty stressful. Learning to spot, "I'm getting stressed" and finding some way of mitigating this is really important. It changes your mood dramatically. Interestingly, the three things the parent mentions are actually all good ways of mitigating stress. A second note: you don't have to do "running" or aerobic exercise if it ain't your thing. I see a lot of people think "exercise" means go running or biking, something aerobic. I tend to think, if you need music to get you "in the mood" to work out, it's probably not your thing. Just experiment. I eventually found olympic weightlifting. I'm now significantly fitter than I was in my 20s as well. The best exercise is the one you feel inspired to keep up with naturally. Finally, learn to experiment without needing to be "amazing". Just do it for the fun. The whole "Get Back" series about the Beatles was eye-opening for a lot of people, mostly because of how mundane it really was. I don't think McCartney or Lennon ever sat down to write a "profound" song, they just scratched an itch, over and over again.
- librish 5y ago
  You should do some form of aerobic exercise if you're working out for health reasons. Cardiovascular health is important and will make you feel "fitter" on an every day basis.
istjohn 5y ago
I would just add, do something altruistic and social. We're social creatures and we need to belong. Be a contributing member of a community.
trdtaylor1 5y ago
I agree on all points but there is another after the ones you've listed. Join the movement and push for a cure for old age. There's no reason for us to die beyond things that should be correctable through medical science. The sooner we have this breakthrough, the better for everyone. Multiple different organizations and groups currently support various means and methods of achieving this goal. I myself plan to start local advocacy and even throw my hat into a federal primary just to have it listed as my candidate position.

by hughrr 5y ago

canyon289 5y ago

+1 on health as well. I worked at SpaceX earlier in my career. Others wrote about how having just a career for meaning in your life can have downsides and I wholeheartedly agree. Let me tell you that job gave me meaning, novelty everyday, launching rockets into space, non work friends always asking questions. The downside for me was I absolutely neglected my health because work was more meaningful than basically anything else, relationships, fitness, family. Focusing on fitness, when I left the company I realized how terrible my health situation was. Lots of late nights, lunch at my desk, and lack of physical activity took a huge toll. Getting to a healthier state fixed all the usual stuff, but also unexpectedly gave me mental happiness and has made me a better data scientist as well. I wrote a blog post detailing out why desk nerds should very much consider taking on healthy habits, and it brings me so much joy to see others here have seen similar results as well. https://ravinkumar.com/WhyFitness.html https://ravinkumar.com/WhyFitness.html

m_abdelfattah 5y ago

Going to the gym and progressing in any sport made a huge difference for me.

Beltalowda 5y ago

> 2. Social contacts. Get out there and make friends. In my case i signed up to Meetup and just attended random stuff until people stuck. This usually involves hiking, pubs and bars, restaurant nights out. I think a problem that a lot of people struggled with, especially those in their late 20s/30s that haven't quite settled down yet, is that corona has made this a lot harder (depending on region) in the last few years. Same on point 3 actually. Fully agree with your points though; after breaking up with my girlfriend (whom I met on meetup btw) a number of years ago doing pretty much exactly these thing really helped me get back on my feet and went from "I feel like shit all the time" to "I have great new friends whom I do fun new stuff with, a girlfriend, and generally feel pretty darn good" in a matter of about two weeks. Right now it's a lot harder though, and has been for a while, since both are much harder where I live, which has translated in various problems including feeling more or less like the OP is describing.

johndill 5y ago

+1 on health. I'm way older than both of you. Clean living and regular, vigorous, exercise has been the #1 key to loving yourself, confidence and mental health. Pays huge dividends later in life. As for relationships. As the old saying goes "If you are looking for a trout, don't fish in a herring barrel". Do what you want to do, travel where you want to go, join and participate in hobbies that you like. Group activities will be best (hiking, exercise, walking, tours, photography), You will meet your peers. good luck

anoplus 5y ago
I think I need to realize this simple advice. Thanks.
- hughrr 5y ago
  It’s correct. Also why I have an ex wife. Hmm.

csee 5y ago

What is your personality type? Are you extroverted? Would points (2) and (3) differ for someone who is introverted?

wayoutthere 5y ago
Nope; social life is important. I find that I get overwhelmed and drained with large groups, but doing things with a group small enough to fit in a car together is fine. I personally have some hobbies I enjoy for their own sake, and meeting people through those has been rewarding. It’s good to have a mix of “close friends” who you can be open and will support you emotionally, and “activity buddies” who you can geek out about your shared interests with. Humans are not meant to go through the world alone and modern life can be incredibly isolating. It takes effort to build social connection but it is well worth it.
- alt227 5y ago
  Glad this works for you, but humans are not all the same. Dont assume what makes you happy also makes other people happy. This is akin to telling somebody with depression to 'Cheer Up'.
  - deberon 5y ago
    They were answering a personal question.
  - Taywee 5y ago
    Absolutely not. Even introverts need social connections. It's more akin to telling somebody to get fit because it's good for their health. Introvert does not mean asocial or antisocial. Social connections are a fundamental part of every human's mental health. Maybe some disorders might change this up, but being an introvert is not that.
    - alt227 5y ago
      So why do I feel ike you are specifically telling me that what makes me happy is wrong and bad for me?

mucholove 5y ago

Plus one on health. Probably the last thing I’ll stop paying for is my trainer / coach. (I am doing gymnastics) My life has picked up so much momentum after that. A failed relationship left a hole in my heart and existence. A failed business also sucked—but much less) Health is the first foot forward. And sports with people is probably the best way to go! (OP you have the cash for a trainer. Do it!)

elzbardico 5y ago

Plus one in health and physical fitness. Buying a bicycle and using it daily was probably the best investment I ever made in myself. Also, I can't believe that I smoked those filthy cigarretes for so long, but how good is that I stopped this habit. About material realizations please remind that the average successful enterpreneur age is about 45. I only started being able to save serious, retirement-style money when I've got 40.

tomerbd 5y ago
Which bike did you buy?
- theturtletalks 5y ago
  Buy a used road bike off Craigslist. Look for brands like Trek, Cannondale, Specialized. Even their vintage models (80s and 90s) still ride very smooth and can be around $150-250. This way, if your bike gets stolen or you simply don't ride enough, you're not too much out of pocket.
  - hughrr 5y ago
    This. I have a Dawes ultra galaxy about a decade old. It has an unhealthy amount of duct tape around it which seems to put people off. I saw someone think about stealing it and choose something less cranky looking.
- mrweasel 5y ago
  At the risk of sounding like an ass: It doesn't matter, just get one that's the right size. I understand why you ask, I'm very much the same way (unless you're asking just because you're curious). Some times I decide that it's time to make a change, and I start to look for thing I can buy to facilitate the process, exercise equipment, kitchen aids, clothing, essentially attempting to buy into a lifestyle. The thing that made me notice was when I started getting into minimalism, and I started to look for "minimalist things" I could buy... That sort of highlighted the absurdity of the idea.
- 5y ago

imoldfella 5y ago

Good things, but Memento Mori. No matter what you do, your health will fail eventually. Decide what your life is about and get about doing it.

hunter-gatherer 5y ago
That isn't the point the comenters above are making. They are saying that without good physical health it is extremely difficult, maybe impossible, to decide what your lifr is about and get doing about doing it for most people. Health fails eventually, yes-but being active and health conscious makes the end more bearable. My gym has a dozen or so 80+ year olds that could train circles around your average 20 year old.
FpUser 5y ago
I am 60 but very active and fit. Can't overstate the importance of it. It makes me feel young and I am constantly working on new projects, have lots of energy and general positive outlook. Clients do not believe my age when they see me. They think I am 40. Meanwhile at one point (year 2000) I was total physical and mental wreck after working as a lead architect for a company. Went on my own since then. What I do - My daily exercise routine is - 2 hour cardio (hike, cycle, swim if summer) and every other day 4 sets of 20 chin ups or 4 sets of 20 triceps dips for strength. Cardio takes time, strength does not as I have bars right close to my computer in my office. Sure, one day it will all go downhill and I'll croak but for now I enjoy the life just as well as when I was 20.
- joconde 5y ago
  > My daily exercise routine is - 2 hour cardio Do you have a full-time job? That would take most of my evenings if I decided to do it.
  - kojeovo 5y ago
    No one starts doing 2 hours of cardio. You can do 20-30 mins and be a lot better off than with 0.

baxtr 5y ago

+1 on all of them. I would add reading. That has helped me a lot to calm down. Re health: I recently discovered a great blog with in-depth articles about how to lose weight: https://physiqonomics.com https://physiqonomics.com PS: Don't get distracted by the seemingly arrogant profile picture. His content is really good.

wrycoder 5y ago
Well, he does actually look like that. And he’s only 25, so he’s still a bit arrogant :-) But, what he’s saying agrees with my experience, at three times his age: train with weights, have a caloric deficit emphasizing low carb, and walk for an hour on the days you aren’t lifting. https://physiqonomics.com/cardio-or-weights/ https://physiqonomics.com/cardio-or-weights/
- dmurray 5y ago
  You can't have a caloric deficit as a long-term lifestyle choice: eventually you would waste away. But perhaps it's good advice anyway because most people could benefit from it in the short term.
  - baxtr 5y ago
    He actually has content on how to stop a low-deficit diet once your happy with your weight.
  - eurekin 5y ago
    After few years of training and being lead by a personal trainer and a dietician I'd add one thing: It's crucial to have a high BMR - basal metabolic rate, when going into a deficit. Any deficit will cause body to lower the BMR and, if it's going into < 1800kcal/day (for man) it will generally result in problems. Body is very adaptable and will just shut down any energy hungry "facilities": lower body temperature ("I'm cold all the time", "I always have cold last two fingers"), increase sleep duration, decrease immune responses ("Why I get flu all the time in season, while others don't?") and so on. It will loose fat, but if BMR is low, then it's also in the shock mode, where it will want to get that back as fast as possible, with some extra. That's how the yoyo effect work on physiological level. So, start cutting on BMR of 2500-3000. It won't drop into dangerous levels and will be lower impact on the body

KineticLensman 5y ago

Agree on health. It’s important to bear in mind that health can suddenly go bad, which in turn means that you should make the most of the present rather than thinking “I can postpone doing X,Y,Z” until I’m older. My father died when he was 59 and had lifestyle-limiting illnesses for the last decade of his life. Bearing this in mind, I went down to a three-day working week aged 56 and then fully retired two years later. I’ve looked after my health but six months ago had an unpredicted episode of Ventricular Fibrillation for genetic rather than lifestyle reasons. I was fitted with an ICD and quickly got back to my physical health but under UK law had to surrender my driving license and I’m now stuck waiting for my application for a new one to work through our bureaucracy. On balance I wish I’d fully retired slightly earlier. Coming back to other points that are made here, I found in my last few years at work that the technology was ‘same-old same-old’ and that I found working with talented youngsters (sometimes as a formal mentor) the most rewarding part of my job. Perhaps I was just lucky, but I helped four younger people to go past me on the corporate ladder, and in turn they all looked out for me later on. I was also able to work in an environment where I was viewed as a principal customer-facing techie, rather than having to remain totally corporate. This in fact reduced my career-development options (as I was out on site with the customers rather than being highly visible to my bosses) but I viewed this as a positive.

alisonkisk 5y ago

janwillemb 5y ago

Another +1 for health, which is easy to improve by exercising. I started exercising (simple pushups and pullups) in 2019 and running a year ago. My social life has improved by this as well, it's just easier to do things when you're healthy. People also start making remarks about my physique, which is also nice :) I was lucky to make new intimate friends as well around that time, which also really helps feeling connected. Exercise you just do, but for friendship you need some luck.

slothtrop 5y ago

100% on 1&2 but would qualify, ime, travel is a cheap thrill if you overdo it. It's great to shake things up once in awhile, but not something the average person wants to sustain on a regular basis. Personal projects, hobbies, and sociable fun become the long-invested experiences

throwawayboise 5y ago
Yes travel holds zero appeal for me. It seems like a waste of time and money. I would be quite happy never leaving my small town. Doing other productive things is inspiring, however.

eurekin 5y ago

+1 on 1. Health! It might be personal and specific to me exactly, but focusing on health has made the best impact on my general well being and offset my "I feel old and tired" vibe. I started out with the most general advice reg. sleep, food and exercise. I noticed that most of my peers tend to get better quicker. That made me dig deeper and I actually discovered some interesting cause and the chain of events that ultimately lead to me being sleepy, groggy and not wanting to take an action in most life activities besides top priorities, which I mostly powered through. I believe that the general feeling is at many times, a signal from the body and strongly influences our thoughts. Like the split brain patients, that are rationalizing actions in an obviously wrong way (the left/right eye experiment, where patient comes up with elaborate explanations about, what the other hemisphere came up with). We just feel bad - which is low level physiological cue - and translate that to all sorts of high-level frontal cortex artefacts. As the OP mentioned: former fun things aren't cutting it anymore. I also very strongly recommend learning about mental health. My biggest gem was dr K and his channel HealthyGamer on youtube. Like, this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nuZ8G_ERYUw https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nuZ8G_ERYUw I've binged a lot of his videos and he advanced my understanding of psychology from "people can be sociopaths, depressed, narcissists [etc.]" into more nuanced and refined level. He also provides some tools, that can actually help in real life

Drdrdrq 5y ago

+1 on health, but especially fitness. There is no health without it. In last few years it was all too easy to stop doing sports, but there should be less excuse now. If you are afraid of getting infected, go outdoor!

husamia 5y ago

+ Health + Travel + find something that wakes you up in morning and work on it

swat535 5y ago

This is excellent advice, I couldn't agree more with Health. Everything else will pretty much fall into place once you take care of it. It will be easier to meet people, you will not have mood swings, or lack confidence. Your mind will be sharper and can think better! One thing that gets missed often is spiritual health. I believe it's as equally important as physical and mental health. I'm not advocating for extremist religious dogma but at a minimum, I think one should figure out their belief structure one way or another. I recommend to give this matter some thought, research various religions, philosophy and history and make your own conclusions. On the subject of social contacts, the biggest thing to realize is that our world is shaped by our minds. This means that how your perceive yourself and other people will have a huge impact on your ability to connect with others. If you constantly see strangers as a threat, or as judgmental people, or "label" yourself as antisocial/timid/unattractive, etc then other people will unconsciously pick up on it. Humans have mirror neurons and can read micro expressions, we are social mammals after all. As a side note, women are _really_ good at this, don't be fooled! you can't _fake_ it! The only way is to actually feel good inside and clear your heart and mind.. Best of luck to OP!

meristohm 5y ago
One way towards spiritual health is to find wonder in things beyond my control, and for me that is primarily looking at the moon and stars, augmented by walls in the woods and noticing phenology—-what animals are active when, noticing frost on the ground, posting attention to the wind direction by feel, things like this. I don’t ascribe any meaning to any of this, just immerse myself in the observation practice.
dv35z 5y ago
Agreed on the spirituality. I have felt similarly unhappy as the original poster & some others on the thread. Stuck in corporate unfulfilling tech job. 2 years ago, I was able to break free (happy to share if folks are curious to hear). This advice has worked for me, it could work for you: (1) Health: actively prioritize good sleep, learn to cook some mediterranean dishes (easy, tasty, exotic, healthy, good as leftovers). Make lots, and share with people. Cook the same dishes a bunch of times until its muscle memory, then try something new. If you are into weed - smoking a J, putting on fun music, turning the lights down & doing some cooking / meal prep - seriously, one of the most fun activities, and so helpful. (2) Fitness: yoga (google "sun salutations" - 10 min & you're good), 1000% embrace #bikeLife (great exercise, dramatically helps unwind the mind, it's a hobby you can do for most of your life, lots of mechanical fiddling), and wear a helmet 100% of the time. Try a social racquet sport (squash when its cold, pickleball when warm). Squash is my #1 favorite, recommended sport. Easy to learn, low impact, tons of cardio (1000+ kcal burned / hr), tons of fun, great community, internationally played, & you can play it until you're old. Pay for 5 lessons. It's worth whatever money it costs. (3) Spirituality. Check into Buddhism. It's a highly practical way to think about & live your life & purpose. I strongly suggest this book (its a quick read, uses plain speech / low jargon, highly actionable throughout the day). It does a great job of explaining how happiness works (I want to say "mentally mechanically"), wanting/shoulding, being observant & intentional of emotion-thought-word-action chains. It's had a huge positive impact on my own sense of worth, relationships with people around me, the feeling of life purpose - good stuff. This is the book: Eight Mindful Steps to Happiness: Walking the Buddha's Path (Meditation in Plain English) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0861711769/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apip_Cah88WdvsBhTB https://www.amazon.com/dp/0861711769/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apip_Cah... (4) Music. Learn to play an instrument. Check out piano. It's WAY easier than you think it is. You already know computer keyboard shortcuts & combos. Same thing works in piano. Youtube Search for "4 chord song axis of awesome". You can learn that exact song in an afternoon, and you have that skill - and ability to express- all those songs for life. When there is any decision in your life that involves a music option, lean into it. Hang out with healthy & interesting old people - do what they do, ask their advice. I asked my grandmother of 95 years - still healthy of mind - "What get's you up in the morning each day?". Without missing a beat, she said "Music." She plays piano, sings, dances (wiggles these days). It makes her soul alive, and brings joy to the people around her. To put that Thought into Action, I bought a little MIDI keyboard, plugs into computer or ipad. Garageband makes it so easy. I can't believe I had that app on my Mac for 15+ years and never thought to seriously play around with it. Making fun hilarious synth songs are dead simple, and tons of fun - especially with a friend, partner, etc. I went from "there is no way I can play a musical instrument, I have to just accept this in my life & move on." to being able to sit down at a piano in any bar, and slam out some fun honky tonk / blues. In 3 months. Music can seriously be used as a mental health tool. When I am feeling down, I can now "procrastinate" on the piano for 15 min as a reward. I try to play the most ridiculous epic concert to myself (so many dumbass epic Spinal Tap style solos). After that, I can feel that the "cloudy soul" / clenched chest anxious feeling is replaced with an enlivened soul vibe. All this to say, I'm now convinced that music is the key to this life. Seriously consider checking it out. If you know anyone who plays an instrument, ask them "could you show me how to do the easiest cool thing?" This is never a chore to a musician, and usually makes their whole day. Get lessons with a real person - a true performer, the best you can find. A couple hours of their time would be GOLD. Finally: Listen to Earl Nightengale, and find a way to play the album on shuffle every morning (you can use an Alexa Routine to shuffle play the Spotify playlist). Earl Nightengale's advice has been the #1 thing that helped me shift from an unfulfilling life to a life I am actually excited to wake up to. https://open.spotify.com/track/5tTvGc18CCgyDrye65PAGP?si=Z7x3AdxNRS-Q5e7QEgeebg https://open.spotify.com/track/5tTvGc18CCgyDrye65PAGP?si=Z7x... I can say from experience in my own life, that the advice works. Best of luck on the journey.

mr_tristan 5y ago

I agree with all of this, and just want to add a note about mental health; take your stress levels seriously and learn to know your triggers. While most of us working in tech tend to live pretty cushy lives, but, we are surrounded by silly frustrations and limitless distractions that can sum up and become pretty stressful. Learning to spot, "I'm getting stressed" and finding some way of mitigating this is really important. It changes your mood dramatically. Interestingly, the three things the parent mentions are actually all good ways of mitigating stress. A second note: you don't have to do "running" or aerobic exercise if it ain't your thing. I see a lot of people think "exercise" means go running or biking, something aerobic. I tend to think, if you need music to get you "in the mood" to work out, it's probably not your thing. Just experiment. I eventually found olympic weightlifting. I'm now significantly fitter than I was in my 20s as well. The best exercise is the one you feel inspired to keep up with naturally. Finally, learn to experiment without needing to be "amazing". Just do it for the fun. The whole "Get Back" series about the Beatles was eye-opening for a lot of people, mostly because of how mundane it really was. I don't think McCartney or Lennon ever sat down to write a "profound" song, they just scratched an itch, over and over again.

librish 5y ago
You should do some form of aerobic exercise if you're working out for health reasons. Cardiovascular health is important and will make you feel "fitter" on an every day basis.

istjohn 5y ago

I would just add, do something altruistic and social. We're social creatures and we need to belong. Be a contributing member of a community.

trdtaylor1 5y ago

I agree on all points but there is another after the ones you've listed. Join the movement and push for a cure for old age. There's no reason for us to die beyond things that should be correctable through medical science. The sooner we have this breakthrough, the better for everyone. Multiple different organizations and groups currently support various means and methods of achieving this goal. I myself plan to start local advocacy and even throw my hat into a federal primary just to have it listed as my candidate position.