35 was the start of a great run which is continuing for me. That was the point where long-held islands of understanding about the world began making connections

35 was the start of a great run which is continuing for me. That was the point where long-held islands of understanding about the world began making connections. A whole growing in power as it formed from the evolving mesh. I felt as though this time marked an explosion in curiosity which further propelled this lifelong investigation. Around this time, I also experienced a number of existential questions. There were financial problems. There was a break of a relationship which had already gone cold and another which I had started at the tail end of the first which was built on lies. I felt alone and vulnerable, as if I had been abandoned. I felt as if I were floating in a void. I realized that I had left behind rigid structures which defined my identity. It's not that I walked away from them, so much as they crumbled and I was left with emptiness. I had a choice of clinging on to the ruins, or further exploring this odd new space I found myself in. I decided that I would embrace the void. I found that without the old structures, I could instead create and and discard new ones. The creations would be like the fantasy worlds I created from my imagination as a child. I entered into a phase of play. I was Don Quixote fighting windmills. Embracing this void is sort of also embracing the art of being lost. I imagine that my identity could be anything and that I should jump from one to another as a continuation of wandering. Lately I have had an interest in doing performance as a street performing clown as an exploration of different paths of comedy. The clown suits me as taking on a character to remind myself and others not to take things too seriously. But there's also a seriousness to the place of comedy in our world. That's another critical point, that even though I have changed my relationship with structures which once carried great meaning, those structures are still important as a bridge for younger people to get to where I'm at. We need these structures, we need Santa or something like it when we're children. Also realize that part of the reason you feel lost may be that society necessarily treats younger people differently. At some point, like in Judge Dredd, you get exiled from this special place. But you'll find the life in exile is much richer in experience. I wouldn't go back. One piece of advice that I always give, is to look into taking improv classes. The most basic idea of improv is the "yes, and" approach of interacting with others, which you can apply to everything. Whatever the universe throws at me, I'll respond back with a "yes... and" - and we'll all laugh at the result. This is a special moment. Congrats. And welcome to the other side.