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The grieved might not be up for talking or doing much. Parallel play, where you’re both just in the same room doing your own thing on a laptop, can be a low pr

The grieved might not be up for talking or doing much. Parallel play, where you’re both just in the same room doing your own thing on a laptop, can be a low pressure way to let them know they’re not alone. Likewise, if this has been an exhausting time for them, don’t just say “how can I help”. Saying “hey, I’m making lasagna, do you want me to bring you one” or “I rented a power washer for the whole day, want me to swing by in the afternoon and do your porch” is an easier decision that requires less executive function. Besides that, encourage them by saying you’re doing something to celebrate the deceased’s life. Big funerals aren’t happening, so the passing of a loved one can feel surreal. Knowing someone else is acknowledging the liss can mean a lot.

bradknowles 5y ago
My mom played a huge part in my life, both growing up and as an adult. When she died, I took it really hard. I was grieving for years. The therapies suggested here are good ideas, and various people did various versions of these, and I think it did help somewhat. But in the end, the thing that helped me the most was talking to the husband of one of my wife’s friends. He was older, and had more life experience than I did, and had recently had some of his own family who had recently passed away. The biggest thing he did for me was to tell me that the pain never really goes away, not completely. That giant sucking cavern in your soul never goes away, at least not completely. But it can get better over time, if you let it. And that can be easier if you allow yourself to get back into what would be your normal life, and participate with your friends and family. Kind of a “fake it til you make it” sort of thing, but where most everyone realizes that you might be faking it and that’s okay, but that you will recover. My dad passed away a couple of years ago. As his only living direct relative, I had to be the one to make the call to remove his life support. That decision and process afterwards was made a lot easier for me, thanks in part to my recovery from when my mom passed away.

bradknowles 5y ago

My mom played a huge part in my life, both growing up and as an adult. When she died, I took it really hard. I was grieving for years. The therapies suggested here are good ideas, and various people did various versions of these, and I think it did help somewhat. But in the end, the thing that helped me the most was talking to the husband of one of my wife’s friends. He was older, and had more life experience than I did, and had recently had some of his own family who had recently passed away. The biggest thing he did for me was to tell me that the pain never really goes away, not completely. That giant sucking cavern in your soul never goes away, at least not completely. But it can get better over time, if you let it. And that can be easier if you allow yourself to get back into what would be your normal life, and participate with your friends and family. Kind of a “fake it til you make it” sort of thing, but where most everyone realizes that you might be faking it and that’s okay, but that you will recover. My dad passed away a couple of years ago. As his only living direct relative, I had to be the one to make the call to remove his life support. That decision and process afterwards was made a lot easier for me, thanks in part to my recovery from when my mom passed away.