4 ms·

That’s How It Works When You’re a Woman on the Internet

3 points by dhosek 5y ago

dhosek 5y ago
This made it to the front page (submitted by someone else) and then got deleted. Sounds like someone in power at HN doesn't like hearing what Aubrey Hirsch is saying.
- micahdeath 5y ago
  It moved on me, but it came back... Cache miss?
  - dhosek 5y ago
    I don't think so—I had tried to leave a comment on the original post and was told I couldn't comment there and the post was gone. Otherwise I might never have noticed.
- PaulHoule 5y ago
  There is the political content of the message and there is the tone. I could write a pretty hyperbolic article about all of the crazy things that have happened to me because I'm a man. (e.g. being targeted for violence and being told by the authorities I have no recourse, having to assume that people I'm having a conflict with have firearms, knowing I am male and sitting on the outside and I'm the first one who is going to get hit when things go south, ...) I'd expect that to get flagged too.
  - culi 5y ago
    I... don't think that's a fair equivalence. I don't think you'd ever get death threats from tweeting about being annoyed by someone interrupting your work out to tell you you're pretty. I don't think you'd get people posting your phone # and address that they got from a people finder website because of some comics you made. I don't think you'd ever have to wonder if those plates that got thrown at you were real life incels that got radicalized and wanted to hurt you
    - PaulHoule 5y ago
      Ever had somebody really try to kill you? I've had that happen AND I've received both death threats and physical attacks for many BS reasons such as sticking up (as a straight bystander) for the right of gay people to assemble without being subject to physical attacks. I've seen many men, even straight and white, face possible death (such as being stabbed for real and going to the hospital) for standing up to protect other people's right to be free of harassment. I'll be the #1 person to point out that inceldom is a harmful social movement. My son lost his best friend because his friend fell under the spell of a Youtube commentator known as Wheat Waffles and won't hang out with my son because my son is taller than him. This harmful movement feeds on the despair of young men who feel completely lost in today's world. This process starts with many boys having no exposure to effective male role models, frequently a father who is physically or emotionally absent, and then facing nothing but female teachers in preschool and elementary school which says in no uncertain terms that "education is a girl thing." (e.g. if you fix that problem of gender imbalance in early childhood education the other problems of gender imbalance in hiring might be diminished in 20 years. if you don't you are going to be asking the exact same hand-wringing questions you are right now.) Feminist author Eva Illouz https://www.themarginalian.org/2016/03/22/why-love-hurts-eva-illouz/ https://www.themarginalian.org/2016/03/22/why-love-hurts-eva... describes the difficulty that women find in finding meaningful and committed relationships. The fact that many young men are lost is a major input to that. As an student on love, relationships, attraction and such I'd be the first one to say it is hopeless to approach anybody working out at the gym (people riding in elevators are less defended then people at the gym) or for a man, in most circumstances, to lead with telling a young women that she's pretty. To be receiving unwanted attention like that is a burden, but you also need to recognize that many young today aren't receiving attention, wanted or unwanted, from women or men and have no idea what to do about their situation. If they focus on career they will probably be in a much better situation by 35 just as women around that age will start wishing they were getting more attention. Many of them don't know or don't believe that their situation is going to improve in 15 years or that they can endure it... And nobody is telling them this in a way that they'll listen to or telling them anything about how to communicate about their relationship needs. From eight months of intensively studying this subject, I'd say that this video contains more information about the kind of communication that leads to relationships that both women and men need to know than anything I've seen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ui7h8CTSD_8 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ui7h8CTSD_8 Now, if I just had some idea how to "deprogram my son's friend".
micahdeath 5y ago
For women, not all guys are like this. For men, don't act like these guys.
masonic 5y ago
https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=30182466 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=30182466 110+ points

3 points by dhosek 5y ago

This made it to the front page (submitted by someone else) and then got deleted. Sounds like someone in power at HN doesn't like hearing what Aubrey Hirsch is saying.

micahdeath 5y ago
It moved on me, but it came back... Cache miss?
- dhosek 5y ago
  I don't think so—I had tried to leave a comment on the original post and was told I couldn't comment there and the post was gone. Otherwise I might never have noticed.
PaulHoule 5y ago
There is the political content of the message and there is the tone. I could write a pretty hyperbolic article about all of the crazy things that have happened to me because I'm a man. (e.g. being targeted for violence and being told by the authorities I have no recourse, having to assume that people I'm having a conflict with have firearms, knowing I am male and sitting on the outside and I'm the first one who is going to get hit when things go south, ...) I'd expect that to get flagged too.
- culi 5y ago
  I... don't think that's a fair equivalence. I don't think you'd ever get death threats from tweeting about being annoyed by someone interrupting your work out to tell you you're pretty. I don't think you'd get people posting your phone # and address that they got from a people finder website because of some comics you made. I don't think you'd ever have to wonder if those plates that got thrown at you were real life incels that got radicalized and wanted to hurt you
  - PaulHoule 5y ago
    Ever had somebody really try to kill you? I've had that happen AND I've received both death threats and physical attacks for many BS reasons such as sticking up (as a straight bystander) for the right of gay people to assemble without being subject to physical attacks. I've seen many men, even straight and white, face possible death (such as being stabbed for real and going to the hospital) for standing up to protect other people's right to be free of harassment. I'll be the #1 person to point out that inceldom is a harmful social movement. My son lost his best friend because his friend fell under the spell of a Youtube commentator known as Wheat Waffles and won't hang out with my son because my son is taller than him. This harmful movement feeds on the despair of young men who feel completely lost in today's world. This process starts with many boys having no exposure to effective male role models, frequently a father who is physically or emotionally absent, and then facing nothing but female teachers in preschool and elementary school which says in no uncertain terms that "education is a girl thing." (e.g. if you fix that problem of gender imbalance in early childhood education the other problems of gender imbalance in hiring might be diminished in 20 years. if you don't you are going to be asking the exact same hand-wringing questions you are right now.) Feminist author Eva Illouz https://www.themarginalian.org/2016/03/22/why-love-hurts-eva-illouz/ https://www.themarginalian.org/2016/03/22/why-love-hurts-eva... describes the difficulty that women find in finding meaningful and committed relationships. The fact that many young men are lost is a major input to that. As an student on love, relationships, attraction and such I'd be the first one to say it is hopeless to approach anybody working out at the gym (people riding in elevators are less defended then people at the gym) or for a man, in most circumstances, to lead with telling a young women that she's pretty. To be receiving unwanted attention like that is a burden, but you also need to recognize that many young today aren't receiving attention, wanted or unwanted, from women or men and have no idea what to do about their situation. If they focus on career they will probably be in a much better situation by 35 just as women around that age will start wishing they were getting more attention. Many of them don't know or don't believe that their situation is going to improve in 15 years or that they can endure it... And nobody is telling them this in a way that they'll listen to or telling them anything about how to communicate about their relationship needs. From eight months of intensively studying this subject, I'd say that this video contains more information about the kind of communication that leads to relationships that both women and men need to know than anything I've seen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ui7h8CTSD_8 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ui7h8CTSD_8 Now, if I just had some idea how to "deprogram my son's friend".

micahdeath 5y ago

For women, not all guys are like this. For men, don't act like these guys.

masonic 5y ago

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=30182466 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=30182466 110+ points