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I don't know about "lonely," but I feel bad for the partner of any parent who's never found parenthood to be difficult or emotionally draining, since I think th

I don't know about "lonely," but I feel bad for the partner of any parent who's never found parenthood to be difficult or emotionally draining, since I think the most likely explanation is that that parent isn't pulling their weight.

wonderwonder 5y ago
I pretty much lost all my friends once I had kids. I could not figure out how to balance working, being a father and having a social life. So the social life lost out. Its been 10 years and I have still not found the time to get new friends and not even sure I would know how now. Pretty much entirely related to having kids. Don't get me wrong, would not change a thing as far as my kids go and most of it is on me for not being able to figure it out but it definitely led to loneliness on my part.
- throwawayboise 5y ago
  Are your kids involved in sports or group activities? For me, after I had kids, almost all my non-work social interaction was with parents of other kids who were involved in the same activities. No, once you are a parent, you are not spending Friday night at a bar with your buddies. That part of your life is over (at least until your kids are grown).
- pbarondadditude 5y ago
  Thanks for sharing. Feels very relatable, including "would not change a thing as far as my kids go". There is lies some of the challenge isn't it? Which leads to the feeling of gilt that has come out in our discussions with dads. "How can this be the happiest time of my life and also the hardest?" And since they don't have the outlet to share this, they keep that to themselves, with adverse consequences.
- _whiteCaps_ 5y ago
  I don't want to pry but did you lose those friends or was it a pause in your relationship? I had kids earlier than most of my friends, and like you, my social life got put on hold. Now that the kids are older, I've been able to get together with those friends again - although the burden is often on them now to work around kids' schedules.

wonderwonder 5y ago

I pretty much lost all my friends once I had kids. I could not figure out how to balance working, being a father and having a social life. So the social life lost out. Its been 10 years and I have still not found the time to get new friends and not even sure I would know how now. Pretty much entirely related to having kids. Don't get me wrong, would not change a thing as far as my kids go and most of it is on me for not being able to figure it out but it definitely led to loneliness on my part.

throwawayboise 5y ago
Are your kids involved in sports or group activities? For me, after I had kids, almost all my non-work social interaction was with parents of other kids who were involved in the same activities. No, once you are a parent, you are not spending Friday night at a bar with your buddies. That part of your life is over (at least until your kids are grown).
pbarondadditude 5y ago
Thanks for sharing. Feels very relatable, including "would not change a thing as far as my kids go". There is lies some of the challenge isn't it? Which leads to the feeling of gilt that has come out in our discussions with dads. "How can this be the happiest time of my life and also the hardest?" And since they don't have the outlet to share this, they keep that to themselves, with adverse consequences.
_whiteCaps_ 5y ago
I don't want to pry but did you lose those friends or was it a pause in your relationship? I had kids earlier than most of my friends, and like you, my social life got put on hold. Now that the kids are older, I've been able to get together with those friends again - although the burden is often on them now to work around kids' schedules.