5 ms·

Instead of the usual advice of taking-up hobbies, I think what's more interesting to talk about: 1. What is the definition of fun? - I imagine for most intr

by anon2020dot00 5y ago

Instead of the usual advice of taking-up hobbies, I think what's more interesting to talk about: 1. What is the definition of fun? - I imagine for most introverts, a loud party and getting drunk is not our definition of fun. 2. Is there a causal relationship between a Dev Career and social isolation? - Most dev work is working in isolation and for introverts this is a blessing, but for extroverts this can be depressing. But is this true all the time? or is this just because of the pandemic? Is this true for all dev jobs or maybe it depends on the company? Is being a software developer and an extrovert inherently incompatible? 3. What makes a person attractive to hang-out with? - What makes other lonely developers unattractive to hang-out with? Is it because they're introverted? Other lonely developers are more likely to be intelligent, friendly, have financial resources, etc.. even if socially awkward. 4. What's the end goal? - Is it just to party together, have adventures and potentially meet attractive women? Or is it to build lasting relationships and meet a person to settle down with? It's interesting to me because I usually find guys who want to party to be annoying and un-interesting but maybe that's just because I'm introverted and/or boring. I'd probably find other lonely developers to be much more interesting people than people that like to party.

rakejake 5y ago
While there may not be a causal relationship between a dev career and social isolation, I feel they are orthogonal. Unlike a product manager or a sales person, there is not as much incentive to build a social circle, and to acquire the skills that let you build a social circle wherever you go. So your circle-building skills slowly atrophy, unless you are a social animal and put in extra-effort in your own time. As many people have pointed out, building a social circle takes a lot of time, effort, and most importantly skill. Building one in college is easy because when you have bunch of young people (united by alcohol) in the same place with roughly the same mission, circles form automatically. Out in the real world, now with the added drama of the pandemic and all the social fallout, the bar is much higher. At least OP had a good group in college and had some fun times. I shudder to think of the current and next few graduating classes who have to endure "online learning" and a very reduced social circle. I have no clue what that is going to lead to.
- anon2020dot00 5y ago
  Great comment, this actually made me realize that I have a fixed mindset when it comes to socializing. Instead of a growth mindset, that socializing is a skill that needs to be practiced and can be improved. My problem though is that I rarely know how to make casual conversation correctly. I usually think of asking questions but this usually comes-off as being too much like an interrogation. Anybody have tips on making casual conversation unawkward?
  - rakejake 5y ago
    Something like sports is tailor-made for casual conversation. Sports/movies/TV-shows are really valuable in providing mostly non-controversial gossip.
  - RMPR 5y ago
    > Anybody have tips on making casual conversation unawkward? Asking questions by itself is not the problem, it's the way of asking. I usually start by asking where the person is from and their hobbies. From there I try to relate it to something I know, I have read, or even a personal anecdot. When you start sharing, if the person is interest, they should start sharing as well, you're talking about something they kind of have some interest in.

rakejake 5y ago

While there may not be a causal relationship between a dev career and social isolation, I feel they are orthogonal. Unlike a product manager or a sales person, there is not as much incentive to build a social circle, and to acquire the skills that let you build a social circle wherever you go. So your circle-building skills slowly atrophy, unless you are a social animal and put in extra-effort in your own time. As many people have pointed out, building a social circle takes a lot of time, effort, and most importantly skill. Building one in college is easy because when you have bunch of young people (united by alcohol) in the same place with roughly the same mission, circles form automatically. Out in the real world, now with the added drama of the pandemic and all the social fallout, the bar is much higher. At least OP had a good group in college and had some fun times. I shudder to think of the current and next few graduating classes who have to endure "online learning" and a very reduced social circle. I have no clue what that is going to lead to.

anon2020dot00 5y ago
Great comment, this actually made me realize that I have a fixed mindset when it comes to socializing. Instead of a growth mindset, that socializing is a skill that needs to be practiced and can be improved. My problem though is that I rarely know how to make casual conversation correctly. I usually think of asking questions but this usually comes-off as being too much like an interrogation. Anybody have tips on making casual conversation unawkward?
- rakejake 5y ago
  Something like sports is tailor-made for casual conversation. Sports/movies/TV-shows are really valuable in providing mostly non-controversial gossip.
- RMPR 5y ago
  > Anybody have tips on making casual conversation unawkward? Asking questions by itself is not the problem, it's the way of asking. I usually start by asking where the person is from and their hobbies. From there I try to relate it to something I know, I have read, or even a personal anecdot. When you start sharing, if the person is interest, they should start sharing as well, you're talking about something they kind of have some interest in.