5 ms·

I have often been told im good at making friends and I think you can make them anytime, anywhere, anyhow, the first thing to focus on is your personal mindset a

by kinnth 5y ago

I have often been told im good at making friends and I think you can make them anytime, anywhere, anyhow, the first thing to focus on is your personal mindset and build from there: 1. Just say yes. When someone asks for anything, say yes, no matter how big or small (help them move out, look after their dog) This will put you into novel situations. 2. Show genuine interest in things. Ask why, learn more, dig deeper, keep conversations going by trying to share anything you think is slightly relevant. 3. Dress up. Wear things that stick out, even just a bit, a funky shirt, a nice bright pair of socks, use these to add flare to a standard dark blue and grey world, people will reflect back and be interested in you. 4. Pick one new thing you want to master (not online) my advice here for all round great friend activities - Rockclimbing, Pub Quizes, Boardgame nights, Cycling, Pottery. Each of these almost always need another person to make them work and that helps you grow your confidence. 5. Don't work so hard. Tell your boss you wanna slow it down, try and do 4 day weeks, give back some commitments, take a pay cut. Don't quit just slow it down and give your head some space. I'm 35, I just quit my /Director of Product role at a successful startup because I wasn't happy. I'm about to go to Thailand to learn how to become a yoga teacher, not for a career but for a disciplined adventure that will deeply enrich me and is nowhere near a computer! You can do it! Put a plan in motion. HN Believes in you! :D

treis 5y ago
> I'm about to go to Thailand to learn how to become a yoga teacher, not for a career but for a disciplined adventure that will deeply enrich me and is nowhere near a computer! As someone who has spent 3+ years backpacking around the world the Eat Pray Love life changing experience is 99% bullshit. Travel is fun. That's why I did it. But life changing? Nope. Came back and life was pretty much the same except that my job prospects were worse. The only concrete positive I can point to is a significant improvement in my online dating profile. As the saying goes, "Wherever you go there you are".
- dominotw 5y ago
  > Came back and life was pretty much the same GP said "disciplined adventure" so they might be on a path to become a yoga instructor ? Like actually develop a passion for yoga and teach people when they come back home. > who has spent 3+ years backpacking around the world Looks like what you were doing was something different. You were just wandering around with no specific goal or discipline ?
sershe 5y ago
I would like to second saying "yes" ... however, the intuition for saying "yes" is that you should become /more open/ to experiences by lowering a threshold of openness a bit. That's a valid and more comfortable approach, but I think it's better to instead say yes more to things that you would not normally do in a thousand years (aside from those with real safety/moral concerns - drugs, cheating, etc.) If someone invites me to another board game night but I feel like playing videogames by myself, it may be ok to say no. If someone wants me to do something utterly dreadful like dance surrounded by people who actually know how, watch superbowl, or make [the first I ever made, but they don't know that] pie for their birthday, then I have to do it. Well, not all the time, but I used to do it for a month at a time and I made friends a lot this way, and also met my now-wife :)
sagarpatil 5y ago
I’m curious. Why not learn yoga in India(from where it originated). What does Thailand have that India doesn’t?
- robjan 5y ago
  Lax visa requirements
- throwaway2037 5y ago
  Much higher quality of life, including personal safety (important if OP is a woman).
tenonyx 5y ago
> I have often been told im good at making friends and I think you can make them anytime, anywhere, anyhow Thanks, what a great list! Would you mind sharing some more tips? :) How do you go from talking to someone during some hobby activity to a friendship outside of that activity? In the past I had lots of good conversations with people met through hobbies, only to go back home and never speak to them again. How do you stay in touch with people you don't know very well, without being weird / imposing? > I'm about to go to Thailand to learn how to become a yoga teacher, not for a career but for a disciplined adventure that will deeply enrich me and is nowhere near a computer! Sounds like a solid plan, good luck!
- hartleybrody 5y ago
  > How do you go from talking to someone during some hobby activity to a friendship outside of that activity? This is where having multiple hobbies not only adds depth to conversations & makes you more interesting, it allows you to cross-pollinate your friend groups from each hobby. If you join a cross fit gym and a running group (as others have mentioned in the thread), then you invite someone from the gym to the group or vice versa. The invitation can either be a "I think you'd really enjoy this activity", in which case you're introducing them to something new and cool, or it can be "I think you'd really like the people I do X with" in which case you're helping them meet friends. People who take you up on the offer to either try something new or meet new people with you as their guide are sure to become friends. You get to see each other in new elements and your relationship can now trascend simply doing one activity together. I think this approach feels a lot more natural than jumping straight to "hey, I've seen you at the rock gym a bunch, let's get coffee?" which can feel like a big jump and somewhat forced.
- abakker 5y ago
  You start with the hobby activity, stick with it, and add other things! The hobby is the first glue, but then add dinner, movies, games, conversations. Conversational skill is also a developed one, not innate. IMO, talking about things and ideas is best. Conversation works best when both people Learn and teach, but nobody is trying to be right.
- brd529 5y ago
akomtu 5y ago
> not for a career but for a disciplined adventure that will deeply enrich me This reads like that scene from Dunder Mifflin company when the temp CEO was leaving.
SenHeng 5y ago
The problem with your first solution is that there’a nobody requesting help from in the first place. 2 and 3, I’ve tried those but people just don’t se to reciprocate or just don’t want to add another person to their group. It’s tough.
oschvr 5y ago
I love this advice. As a 31 y/o in another country. The mindset of saying "yes" to all, has brought me great stuff. I got it from the movie "Yes, man". Its surprisingly good advice

by kinnth 5y ago

treis 5y ago

> I'm about to go to Thailand to learn how to become a yoga teacher, not for a career but for a disciplined adventure that will deeply enrich me and is nowhere near a computer! As someone who has spent 3+ years backpacking around the world the Eat Pray Love life changing experience is 99% bullshit. Travel is fun. That's why I did it. But life changing? Nope. Came back and life was pretty much the same except that my job prospects were worse. The only concrete positive I can point to is a significant improvement in my online dating profile. As the saying goes, "Wherever you go there you are".

dominotw 5y ago
> Came back and life was pretty much the same GP said "disciplined adventure" so they might be on a path to become a yoga instructor ? Like actually develop a passion for yoga and teach people when they come back home. > who has spent 3+ years backpacking around the world Looks like what you were doing was something different. You were just wandering around with no specific goal or discipline ?

sershe 5y ago

I would like to second saying "yes" ... however, the intuition for saying "yes" is that you should become /more open/ to experiences by lowering a threshold of openness a bit. That's a valid and more comfortable approach, but I think it's better to instead say yes more to things that you would not normally do in a thousand years (aside from those with real safety/moral concerns - drugs, cheating, etc.) If someone invites me to another board game night but I feel like playing videogames by myself, it may be ok to say no. If someone wants me to do something utterly dreadful like dance surrounded by people who actually know how, watch superbowl, or make [the first I ever made, but they don't know that] pie for their birthday, then I have to do it. Well, not all the time, but I used to do it for a month at a time and I made friends a lot this way, and also met my now-wife :)

sagarpatil 5y ago

I’m curious. Why not learn yoga in India(from where it originated). What does Thailand have that India doesn’t?

robjan 5y ago
Lax visa requirements
throwaway2037 5y ago
Much higher quality of life, including personal safety (important if OP is a woman).

tenonyx 5y ago

> I have often been told im good at making friends and I think you can make them anytime, anywhere, anyhow Thanks, what a great list! Would you mind sharing some more tips? :) How do you go from talking to someone during some hobby activity to a friendship outside of that activity? In the past I had lots of good conversations with people met through hobbies, only to go back home and never speak to them again. How do you stay in touch with people you don't know very well, without being weird / imposing? > I'm about to go to Thailand to learn how to become a yoga teacher, not for a career but for a disciplined adventure that will deeply enrich me and is nowhere near a computer! Sounds like a solid plan, good luck!

hartleybrody 5y ago
> How do you go from talking to someone during some hobby activity to a friendship outside of that activity? This is where having multiple hobbies not only adds depth to conversations & makes you more interesting, it allows you to cross-pollinate your friend groups from each hobby. If you join a cross fit gym and a running group (as others have mentioned in the thread), then you invite someone from the gym to the group or vice versa. The invitation can either be a "I think you'd really enjoy this activity", in which case you're introducing them to something new and cool, or it can be "I think you'd really like the people I do X with" in which case you're helping them meet friends. People who take you up on the offer to either try something new or meet new people with you as their guide are sure to become friends. You get to see each other in new elements and your relationship can now trascend simply doing one activity together. I think this approach feels a lot more natural than jumping straight to "hey, I've seen you at the rock gym a bunch, let's get coffee?" which can feel like a big jump and somewhat forced.
abakker 5y ago
You start with the hobby activity, stick with it, and add other things! The hobby is the first glue, but then add dinner, movies, games, conversations. Conversational skill is also a developed one, not innate. IMO, talking about things and ideas is best. Conversation works best when both people Learn and teach, but nobody is trying to be right.
brd529 5y ago

akomtu 5y ago

> not for a career but for a disciplined adventure that will deeply enrich me This reads like that scene from Dunder Mifflin company when the temp CEO was leaving.

SenHeng 5y ago

The problem with your first solution is that there’a nobody requesting help from in the first place. 2 and 3, I’ve tried those but people just don’t se to reciprocate or just don’t want to add another person to their group. It’s tough.

oschvr 5y ago

I love this advice. As a 31 y/o in another country. The mindset of saying "yes" to all, has brought me great stuff. I got it from the movie "Yes, man". Its surprisingly good advice