5 ms·

Even supposedly "unattractive" or "aging" women can start to look more attractive as you get to know them. It's really amazing the transformation that can happ

by starkd 5y ago

Even supposedly "unattractive" or "aging" women can start to look more attractive as you get to know them. It's really amazing the transformation that can happen. So much of what is attractive is subjective. It's hard to see that when younger, but it's true. Besides, the attractiveness we associate with youth inevitably fades anyway.

codegrappler 5y ago
I can attest to this. In my 30’s with kids and suddenly women with well behaved kids are more attractive to me. You can find attraction in qualities as much as looks.
- desmosxxx 5y ago
  Never thought this would happen to me as looks was almost the only thing that mattered (as much as I didn't want that to be the case), but it did. After my first horribly failed marriage (and damaged kids due to wife being a complete failure), something clicked in my head and I finally find personality extremely important. Not sure if it's an age thing or just a change after trauma, but it's been a very positive change. Weight is still somewhat important at the extreme, but otherwise it's been a 180* shift - really fascinating.
chihuahua 5y ago
Those aging women, how dare they get older, inconveniencing OP with their existence in the same timeline.
- captainredbeard 5y ago
  You aren't wrong. A sober look at how society judges people should remove all surprise surrounding this topic, unfair as it may be - men are judged primarily by financial / dominance success / physical indicators of dominance (e.g. height) and women are primarily judged on their appearance / youth.
- tenonyx 5y ago
  Eh, I wish them all best of luck, I'm sure they're great people. My point was that people seem to attend various hobbies to find romantic partners, rather than friends.
  - tluyben2 5y ago
    But putting it the way you did; maybe if we saw a picture of you and if you look like a hunchback smurf then you maybe can say things the way you put them. 'People who attend various hobbies tend to do that to find romantic partners' is a fine way of putting it instead. But you are right; I find that too, which is why I just go work in bars (I mean; sit and code, not serve beer!) instead of trying to meet people at hobbies (Which, for me, are all nerd/hardware/software things anyway). Even without drinking (which I don't do during working time), it is very easy to meet tons of people. And it works everywhere. The best craft beer bar in my new town (I move often) is open 8 am to 2 am, it's always busy and over 90% of the people just drink coffee there (with 15 beers on draft + more in bottles), the entire day. I work there and when I need a break, I just look around for 5 minutes and someone will make eye contact and start talking. Works everywhere I have been I found (in the US, EU, Asia).
    - jirf_dev 5y ago
      In this scenario do you just sit at the bar and start working? I’ve never been at a bar where this wouldn’t be very strange. But I’ve only been to bars at night on the weekends.
- starkd 5y ago
  I took the OP's comments as just being frank and honest about his attractions. Let's be real, first impressions do control us to a startling degree.
purplecats 5y ago
i mean... it doesn't fade away right. it's cyclical. your children will be born to the same fate.
dosethree 5y ago
we’re all just skeletons with skin sacks stretched over them

by starkd 5y ago

codegrappler 5y ago

I can attest to this. In my 30’s with kids and suddenly women with well behaved kids are more attractive to me. You can find attraction in qualities as much as looks.

desmosxxx 5y ago
Never thought this would happen to me as looks was almost the only thing that mattered (as much as I didn't want that to be the case), but it did. After my first horribly failed marriage (and damaged kids due to wife being a complete failure), something clicked in my head and I finally find personality extremely important. Not sure if it's an age thing or just a change after trauma, but it's been a very positive change. Weight is still somewhat important at the extreme, but otherwise it's been a 180* shift - really fascinating.

chihuahua 5y ago

Those aging women, how dare they get older, inconveniencing OP with their existence in the same timeline.

captainredbeard 5y ago
You aren't wrong. A sober look at how society judges people should remove all surprise surrounding this topic, unfair as it may be - men are judged primarily by financial / dominance success / physical indicators of dominance (e.g. height) and women are primarily judged on their appearance / youth.
tenonyx 5y ago
Eh, I wish them all best of luck, I'm sure they're great people. My point was that people seem to attend various hobbies to find romantic partners, rather than friends.
- tluyben2 5y ago
  But putting it the way you did; maybe if we saw a picture of you and if you look like a hunchback smurf then you maybe can say things the way you put them. 'People who attend various hobbies tend to do that to find romantic partners' is a fine way of putting it instead. But you are right; I find that too, which is why I just go work in bars (I mean; sit and code, not serve beer!) instead of trying to meet people at hobbies (Which, for me, are all nerd/hardware/software things anyway). Even without drinking (which I don't do during working time), it is very easy to meet tons of people. And it works everywhere. The best craft beer bar in my new town (I move often) is open 8 am to 2 am, it's always busy and over 90% of the people just drink coffee there (with 15 beers on draft + more in bottles), the entire day. I work there and when I need a break, I just look around for 5 minutes and someone will make eye contact and start talking. Works everywhere I have been I found (in the US, EU, Asia).
  - jirf_dev 5y ago
    In this scenario do you just sit at the bar and start working? I’ve never been at a bar where this wouldn’t be very strange. But I’ve only been to bars at night on the weekends.
starkd 5y ago
I took the OP's comments as just being frank and honest about his attractions. Let's be real, first impressions do control us to a startling degree.

purplecats 5y ago

i mean... it doesn't fade away right. it's cyclical. your children will be born to the same fate.

dosethree 5y ago

we’re all just skeletons with skin sacks stretched over them