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How to respond when close friends are using my idea in an incubator?

Forewarning: I am going to keep this relatively vague and detail sparse. I do not want to blow up my colleagues' spot and I am looking more for interpersonal/professional advice in how to broach the topic with them directly as friends, without bringing in outside influences. Last year, I was discussing ideas with a set of friends. I brought up an idea am confident I originated (at least within the context of the discussion). At the time, two of those friends were workshopping a startup in an entirely different domain. A few weeks ago, I found out that my friends had been accepted to an incubator with a prospective idea that, though not the entirety of what I had discussed, was essentially the business proposition/revenue generating portion of my idea, by itself. Upon hearing their idea, my first thought was "didn't I tell you exactly this idea?" but I played it cool and did not bring up that I had originated this idea prior nor that I discussed it with them in presumed confidence. I would like to meet with them in person to broach the topic but I don't know exactly how I should do that. The relationship between me and these others makes me believe that they were not acting out of malice or trying to swoop the idea from me, but maybe genuinely thought they'd arrived on this idea on their own. I know from my own memory that often things can pop out that you think you came up with that in reality you lifted wholesale from elsewhere. That said, I know from notes I kept long before the meeting that I had this idea before discussing it with them and that I did not come to it mutually through that discussion. I have no belief that I could compel them to stop and I am not sure that that is my goal in the first place. More so, I am hurt as a friend and a colleague that they would take the idea without credit or forewarning and I feel I must broach the subject as a matter of personal principle. I have not had experience with such a situation before and would appreciate any ideas that the HN community is willing to provide.

streetcat1 5y ago
Open a company and execute your idea yourself. The fact that he was accepted to an incubator should be used as validation of the idea. Most markets can support 10's of startups.
mindcrime 5y ago
I think an early step should be for you to simply decide what it is you want out of the conversation. Do you just want private / personal acknowledgement that they used your idea (in part or in whole)? Do you want some sort of public acknowledgement / attribution of your contribution? Do you want a cut of whatever profit (if any) they make? Do you want a share of their company? Etc., etc. Once you know that, how about just ring them up, ask to meet and say roughly "Hey guys, from what I'm hearing, your current startup is doing something awfully similar to an idea I shared with you on $DATE. Given that, I was thinking it might be fair if I got (insert sentiment from above). What do you think?" A lot of how this will be received probably depends on many, many variables - including details of your relationship with these folks, your respective attitudes and beliefs about the nature and value of "intellectual property", whatever advice/input they get from the incubator, any other investors they are dealing with, lawyers, etc. In either case, good luck.
- recyclable_user 5y ago
  I want private acknowledgement and an apology, foremost. I don't need equity to feel fairly compensated as, if they make this idea successful, they will have put in the hard work. I don't feel confident enough to discuss something like that over the phone and would rather do so in person (which is my current plan).
SquibblesRedux 5y ago
If someone is running with your idea, then you should feel flattered -- someone else agrees that your idea was good. Unfortunately, even the most brilliant ideas have almost no value on their own. Execution is everything. If you believe you could contribute more than a single idea, and provide sustained value over a long period of time, you could always ask to join your colleagues in their endeavor. Be aware, however, that starting and operating a new company -- especially one based on an untested idea -- is an arduous and high risk activity.
__d 5y ago
I have a few, somewhat contradictory, thoughts: Firstly, ideas are worth nothing, and you cannot own them. Everyone has ideas, and they're all derived from the our previous experiences, conversations, reading, etc. As you say, it's not exactly what you described, so they've maybe (or maybe not) mixed some of your discussion with some other things, and here they are. Like every other startup ever. What matters is how you execute. And it appears that they're doing ok so far, enough to get into an incubator, and make a run at it. Good for them, but this is the easy part. Execution is non-stop: every day, week, month, year, you need to keep executing well. That's the real value of a startup, much more than the idea. Secondly, and kinda OTOH, if you're friends and you had a conversation in the relatively recent past in which you discussed your startup ideas, and they went off and are building something largely based on that discussion, and you weren't invited to join or even consulted, I can see why you'd feel upset. It's a shame you missed the first opportunity to say "hey, didn't we talk about this?" when you first heard about their thing, because now you're going to look like your response is calculated, rather than natural. On balance, I think it's worth talking about though, because (given your post here) it seems you will find it hard to just let it go, and so you need to resolve your relationship with these people. I think it's very unlikely that they'd say something like "oh yeah, you're right, hey -- have 25% equity and come join us", and far more likely that they get super defensive and avoid contact with you in future. Good luck!
- recyclable_user 5y ago
  I think you're right on all counts. I don't actually want to stop my colleagues from working on this idea. I am happy that someone is working on it and, though I still have some ideas in a similar space I would like to tackle, I'm not expecting them to let me work with them (nor do I want to). I don't care for equity as, like you said, the idea is worth nothing. I am hurt on principle as it feels like a violation of a professional and personal relationship built on trust and loyalty. I was first told over an IM program and I did not want to make the accusation of impropriety over the internet. I would much rather meet and discuss in person (I am not a fan of difficult conversations asynchronously). I think you are right that the only option forward is to address the situation because I am not the type to let something like this go. But, I wonder if I am bullheaded and should just cut the losses and accept it. The odds are this idea does not work out for these two and the practical reality is that they move on to something else. It still feels bad.
muzani 5y ago
Personally, I feel like when someone shares an idea that they don't build on, it's sort of free stuff that holds no value to them. They probably didn't mean to "steal" it. It's like a broken car you don't use that they sold off to someone. It's rude to do it without asking, but they might have felt you just didn't value it. Also, as a person who has mentored plenty of teams, I see the same ideas happen everywhere. Most hackathons usually have some tiny variation of the same idea. I've seen some situation where a team actually proposed doing something I was working on for 4 months, and there was some awkward moment where I considered telling them, because I was afraid they'd think I stole the idea. Thankfully, neither of us got the idea off the ground.

streetcat1 5y ago

Open a company and execute your idea yourself. The fact that he was accepted to an incubator should be used as validation of the idea. Most markets can support 10's of startups.

mindcrime 5y ago

I think an early step should be for you to simply decide what it is you want out of the conversation. Do you just want private / personal acknowledgement that they used your idea (in part or in whole)? Do you want some sort of public acknowledgement / attribution of your contribution? Do you want a cut of whatever profit (if any) they make? Do you want a share of their company? Etc., etc. Once you know that, how about just ring them up, ask to meet and say roughly "Hey guys, from what I'm hearing, your current startup is doing something awfully similar to an idea I shared with you on $DATE. Given that, I was thinking it might be fair if I got (insert sentiment from above). What do you think?" A lot of how this will be received probably depends on many, many variables - including details of your relationship with these folks, your respective attitudes and beliefs about the nature and value of "intellectual property", whatever advice/input they get from the incubator, any other investors they are dealing with, lawyers, etc. In either case, good luck.

recyclable_user 5y ago
I want private acknowledgement and an apology, foremost. I don't need equity to feel fairly compensated as, if they make this idea successful, they will have put in the hard work. I don't feel confident enough to discuss something like that over the phone and would rather do so in person (which is my current plan).

SquibblesRedux 5y ago

If someone is running with your idea, then you should feel flattered -- someone else agrees that your idea was good. Unfortunately, even the most brilliant ideas have almost no value on their own. Execution is everything. If you believe you could contribute more than a single idea, and provide sustained value over a long period of time, you could always ask to join your colleagues in their endeavor. Be aware, however, that starting and operating a new company -- especially one based on an untested idea -- is an arduous and high risk activity.

__d 5y ago

I have a few, somewhat contradictory, thoughts: Firstly, ideas are worth nothing, and you cannot own them. Everyone has ideas, and they're all derived from the our previous experiences, conversations, reading, etc. As you say, it's not exactly what you described, so they've maybe (or maybe not) mixed some of your discussion with some other things, and here they are. Like every other startup ever. What matters is how you execute. And it appears that they're doing ok so far, enough to get into an incubator, and make a run at it. Good for them, but this is the easy part. Execution is non-stop: every day, week, month, year, you need to keep executing well. That's the real value of a startup, much more than the idea. Secondly, and kinda OTOH, if you're friends and you had a conversation in the relatively recent past in which you discussed your startup ideas, and they went off and are building something largely based on that discussion, and you weren't invited to join or even consulted, I can see why you'd feel upset. It's a shame you missed the first opportunity to say "hey, didn't we talk about this?" when you first heard about their thing, because now you're going to look like your response is calculated, rather than natural. On balance, I think it's worth talking about though, because (given your post here) it seems you will find it hard to just let it go, and so you need to resolve your relationship with these people. I think it's very unlikely that they'd say something like "oh yeah, you're right, hey -- have 25% equity and come join us", and far more likely that they get super defensive and avoid contact with you in future. Good luck!

recyclable_user 5y ago
I think you're right on all counts. I don't actually want to stop my colleagues from working on this idea. I am happy that someone is working on it and, though I still have some ideas in a similar space I would like to tackle, I'm not expecting them to let me work with them (nor do I want to). I don't care for equity as, like you said, the idea is worth nothing. I am hurt on principle as it feels like a violation of a professional and personal relationship built on trust and loyalty. I was first told over an IM program and I did not want to make the accusation of impropriety over the internet. I would much rather meet and discuss in person (I am not a fan of difficult conversations asynchronously). I think you are right that the only option forward is to address the situation because I am not the type to let something like this go. But, I wonder if I am bullheaded and should just cut the losses and accept it. The odds are this idea does not work out for these two and the practical reality is that they move on to something else. It still feels bad.

muzani 5y ago

Personally, I feel like when someone shares an idea that they don't build on, it's sort of free stuff that holds no value to them. They probably didn't mean to "steal" it. It's like a broken car you don't use that they sold off to someone. It's rude to do it without asking, but they might have felt you just didn't value it. Also, as a person who has mentored plenty of teams, I see the same ideas happen everywhere. Most hackathons usually have some tiny variation of the same idea. I've seen some situation where a team actually proposed doing something I was working on for 4 months, and there was some awkward moment where I considered telling them, because I was afraid they'd think I stole the idea. Thankfully, neither of us got the idea off the ground.