This is moving the goalposts. You claimed that all certificate revocation methods fail-open, I pointed out that OCSP Must-Staple is a fail-closed revocation met

This is moving the goalposts. You claimed that all certificate revocation methods fail-open, I pointed out that OCSP Must-Staple is a fail-closed revocation method that is implemented in a popular browser. Regardless, even if "functionally equivalent", there is a practical difference: LE does not allow me to issue a certificate every minute, but does allow the OCSP Must-Staple extension.