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'My manager made me cry' One of the company values I've encountered that's stuck with me is metal toughness. I see it as the ability to keep oneself and others

by windows2020 5y ago

'My manager made me cry' One of the company values I've encountered that's stuck with me is metal toughness. I see it as the ability to keep oneself and others levelheaded. It's not that the author had a lapse of it in the moment, but that they then thought it would be best to abandon their responsibilities by requesting a month of leave. It was something else's fault when they didn't make a meeting, missed changes that occurred while out, didn't know what to work on, etc. Ownership thinking is another value that's stuck with me. It's easy to blame 'Terrible Manager' (or more generally, someone/something else) but perhaps there are some things that the author could have done differently.

random314 5y ago
Edit: removed a false line I will set the victim blaming aside. In these cases, the best thing to do always is - fire your manager. Find yourself a new boss and absolutely ignore "company values" sociopaths.
- MauroIksem 5y ago
  I pretty sure he said he asked for a month of leave without pay. Not sure where you read 1 day.
  - random314 5y ago
    My bad
- 0x002A 5y ago
  So yes this is the easy way, but wouldn't this also help the vicious circle to continue? Would this let bad managers to push out people whenever they feel like they are challenged to manage or just as they like it, successfully everytime ? Toxic culture thrives on that and I don't think it stays contained in the company(ies) people are pushed out from. I think we are hearing more and more managers put people in PIP or other manage-out tools as a retaliation and everyone suggests to apply other jobs when there is a confrontation. Well, when all the companies share the toxic management culture it will be too late ask the culture to change, won't be? I believe more people should stand their ground when they face unfairness, hostility and/or bad management for some more time as they can afford. Making bad managers life easier does not solve the bigger or growing problem. It won't change as long as they go away silently and conveniently.
  - fsociety 5y ago
    The issue is that companies are setup to protect themselves in every way possible, and they will do that. I worked on an abusive team and raised blatant harassment to my skip. They ignored it, so I slowly worked my way up the chain to the head of engineering. I was given all the support in the world, and then suddenly let go and told to pound sand. My lawyer said that I could fight it for settlement but it would not be worth the investment to do so. During that time I learned many others quit in the same office as me. The only impactful thing I could do was post a negative review on Glassdoor, and tell people 1-1 about my horrible experience. I ended up going from a midsized company to FAANG, and my career is better from it. It was slightly worse than this. The head of HR was going to cull my office of abusive team members, but they themselves were fired before they could do that. This was before I joined. I reached out and they were willing to speak with the head of engineering about the history of harassment, but my company refused. I also had a direct line with the founder, who in onboarding gives a two hour spiel how this will be the greatest company to work at, because their number one priority is employee experience. They ghosted me and several other senior members when we tried to raise concerns with them. My best guess is that, they were seeking to be acquired and did not want to risk any drama which might impact their valuation. About a year after, they were acquired by a company with shitty terms for employees. I think that employees should prioritize themselves first, if the company won’t do that. To your point though, this is a flawed system. Perhaps the next wave of startups will clue into this. I think it would be a huge competitive advantage if done right. Creating a safe and productive work environment can help people to flourish. I refuse to put that company on my resume.
    - 0x002A 5y ago
      The issue to me is companies are not perfect machines and letting machines chewing up human beings is an issue that humans beings can address and solve. I think more people should stand up when they face unfairness, regardless of they face it or somebody nearby, also communicate and help each other. I don't think when people have accept their fate and go to the next job, they are relieved and not bringing the emotional baggage. People (ideally) should be changing jobs for a change or a new challenge, or better pay or things appealing them more in a new job, not escape from another.
kevintb 5y ago
Completely bizarre to me you’ve completely ignored the manager’s unprofessionalism here.
ericmcer 5y ago
Engineers are emotionally tied to our work. I think we all want to be considered smart and capable at our jobs. It’s why micromanaging and overworking can lead to negative productivity. The very notion of “toughing it out” and grinding out a task you dislike doesn’t work well. Unless you want the bare minimum delivered by someone who is going to quit soon.
YXNjaGVyZWdlbgo 5y ago
"Toughen up, son" let me know when something bad happens in your life so I can swoop in and give you a bit of your own advice.
- deleted 5y ago
  [deleted]

random314 5y ago

Edit: removed a false line I will set the victim blaming aside. In these cases, the best thing to do always is - fire your manager. Find yourself a new boss and absolutely ignore "company values" sociopaths.

MauroIksem 5y ago
I pretty sure he said he asked for a month of leave without pay. Not sure where you read 1 day.
- random314 5y ago
  My bad
0x002A 5y ago
So yes this is the easy way, but wouldn't this also help the vicious circle to continue? Would this let bad managers to push out people whenever they feel like they are challenged to manage or just as they like it, successfully everytime ? Toxic culture thrives on that and I don't think it stays contained in the company(ies) people are pushed out from. I think we are hearing more and more managers put people in PIP or other manage-out tools as a retaliation and everyone suggests to apply other jobs when there is a confrontation. Well, when all the companies share the toxic management culture it will be too late ask the culture to change, won't be? I believe more people should stand their ground when they face unfairness, hostility and/or bad management for some more time as they can afford. Making bad managers life easier does not solve the bigger or growing problem. It won't change as long as they go away silently and conveniently.
- fsociety 5y ago
  The issue is that companies are setup to protect themselves in every way possible, and they will do that. I worked on an abusive team and raised blatant harassment to my skip. They ignored it, so I slowly worked my way up the chain to the head of engineering. I was given all the support in the world, and then suddenly let go and told to pound sand. My lawyer said that I could fight it for settlement but it would not be worth the investment to do so. During that time I learned many others quit in the same office as me. The only impactful thing I could do was post a negative review on Glassdoor, and tell people 1-1 about my horrible experience. I ended up going from a midsized company to FAANG, and my career is better from it. It was slightly worse than this. The head of HR was going to cull my office of abusive team members, but they themselves were fired before they could do that. This was before I joined. I reached out and they were willing to speak with the head of engineering about the history of harassment, but my company refused. I also had a direct line with the founder, who in onboarding gives a two hour spiel how this will be the greatest company to work at, because their number one priority is employee experience. They ghosted me and several other senior members when we tried to raise concerns with them. My best guess is that, they were seeking to be acquired and did not want to risk any drama which might impact their valuation. About a year after, they were acquired by a company with shitty terms for employees. I think that employees should prioritize themselves first, if the company won’t do that. To your point though, this is a flawed system. Perhaps the next wave of startups will clue into this. I think it would be a huge competitive advantage if done right. Creating a safe and productive work environment can help people to flourish. I refuse to put that company on my resume.
  - 0x002A 5y ago
    The issue to me is companies are not perfect machines and letting machines chewing up human beings is an issue that humans beings can address and solve. I think more people should stand up when they face unfairness, regardless of they face it or somebody nearby, also communicate and help each other. I don't think when people have accept their fate and go to the next job, they are relieved and not bringing the emotional baggage. People (ideally) should be changing jobs for a change or a new challenge, or better pay or things appealing them more in a new job, not escape from another.

kevintb 5y ago

Completely bizarre to me you’ve completely ignored the manager’s unprofessionalism here.

ericmcer 5y ago

Engineers are emotionally tied to our work. I think we all want to be considered smart and capable at our jobs. It’s why micromanaging and overworking can lead to negative productivity. The very notion of “toughing it out” and grinding out a task you dislike doesn’t work well. Unless you want the bare minimum delivered by someone who is going to quit soon.

YXNjaGVyZWdlbgo 5y ago

"Toughen up, son" let me know when something bad happens in your life so I can swoop in and give you a bit of your own advice.

deleted 5y ago
[deleted]