I’m 46 years old now. I’ve felt as you have since my first corporate job at 21. I have contemplated “offing myself” as you say. But obviously I’m still here! S

I’m 46 years old now. I’ve felt as you have since my first corporate job at 21. I have contemplated “offing myself” as you say. But obviously I’m still here! Seems to me your reaction to the world is appropriate and correct. The world we’ve created for ourselves is devoid of meaning. Most work is performative, and entirely pointless, IME. So you need to make your own meaning. A significant-other helps. As do pets, and though I don’t have then myself, children provide meaning for a great many people. For me, the best I can do at work is find a sort of Zen-like contentedness with the work. Working carefully, slowly, deliberately, doing my best with minimal effort; these things bring me to my place of Zen. When I get tired of a job, I leave and look for something new. I show precisely as much loyalty to my employer as they show me; aka none. As others have said, life is too short. Define your own version of success and pursue that. Chasing someone else’s version of success is a fools errand.