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I feel badly for the author, not just for her loss. It seems a little cruel to be denied the therapeutic fading of memories over time (just as a natural part o

by 3am 15y ago

I feel badly for the author, not just for her loss. It seems a little cruel to be denied the therapeutic fading of memories over time (just as a natural part of the grieving process and recovery). I hope that we develop some cultural norms as dying and leaving behind a digital presence becomes more common.

danso 15y ago
I was just thinking that. Her experience is (so far) uncommon, but I think many people have had the experience of long electronic trails from former relationships. I keep them, mostly because I never feel the need to ever pull them up again, nevermind take the time to delete them. My roommate deleted all of hers, though, and at the time I thought that was drastic.
dailyrorschach 15y ago
I don't know about that. People keep home movies, pictures, etc. Likely over-time she may check them less and less, probably does so already. Maybe only checking on certain days or holidays. I don't think it's that strange, plenty of people keep reminders of loved one's lost without crippling themselves.
- 3am 15y ago
  It's just that she mentioned that his contact was just below her best friend. From there it's just one click to have access to years of correspondence. And it's particularly difficult to consider deleting contacts or calendar reminders for love ones who have passed, so this is presented to her on a regular basis (not just when she wants to remember him, like one would do with home movies/photographs/etc). I don't think it's crippling, it just makes the process of moving on a little longer and more difficult.
  - joeyh 15y ago
    Yes, the thing to do would be to archive it, and then delete the contact. Similar to taking the love letters out of the desk drawer and moving them up to a trunk in the attic. Also has the added benefit of not being dependent on gmail retaining the logs. This needs to be made easier and encouraged.
- deleted 15y ago
  [deleted]
Zimahl 15y ago
The grieving process is very important and when it is subverted by the continued opening of woulds, it can cause problems. There is a great This American Life about this, where a 16 year olds mother dies but left her notes to be given to her on specific days (typically birthdays). The results are very interesting: http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/401/parent-trap http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/401/p...

by 3am 15y ago

danso 15y ago

I was just thinking that. Her experience is (so far) uncommon, but I think many people have had the experience of long electronic trails from former relationships. I keep them, mostly because I never feel the need to ever pull them up again, nevermind take the time to delete them. My roommate deleted all of hers, though, and at the time I thought that was drastic.

dailyrorschach 15y ago

I don't know about that. People keep home movies, pictures, etc. Likely over-time she may check them less and less, probably does so already. Maybe only checking on certain days or holidays. I don't think it's that strange, plenty of people keep reminders of loved one's lost without crippling themselves.

3am 15y ago
It's just that she mentioned that his contact was just below her best friend. From there it's just one click to have access to years of correspondence. And it's particularly difficult to consider deleting contacts or calendar reminders for love ones who have passed, so this is presented to her on a regular basis (not just when she wants to remember him, like one would do with home movies/photographs/etc). I don't think it's crippling, it just makes the process of moving on a little longer and more difficult.
- joeyh 15y ago
  Yes, the thing to do would be to archive it, and then delete the contact. Similar to taking the love letters out of the desk drawer and moving them up to a trunk in the attic. Also has the added benefit of not being dependent on gmail retaining the logs. This needs to be made easier and encouraged.
deleted 15y ago
[deleted]

Zimahl 15y ago

The grieving process is very important and when it is subverted by the continued opening of woulds, it can cause problems. There is a great This American Life about this, where a 16 year olds mother dies but left her notes to be given to her on specific days (typically birthdays). The results are very interesting: http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/401/parent-trap http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/401/p...