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> I too decided at age 11, choosing to live with the less bad parent. I chose this at 13, but due to his new spouse and her opinions about proper gendered beha

by Mezzie 5y ago

> I too decided at age 11, choosing to live with the less bad parent. I chose this at 13, but due to his new spouse and her opinions about proper gendered behavior, it meant I had to move and lost all the adults who were supporting my programming. I was supposed to like clothes, make-up, and have feminine hobbies, so no more electronics gifts and no more access to the classes and meetings that the larger community had. (I moved from a metro area of 500k to a town of 2k). I still worry if it would have been better for my career to stay and accept the greater abuse, which is fucked up. Am I deflecting responsibility and blaming others for my own failures? Etc. > As society becomes harsher, more coarse, more dog-eat-dog, I worry that other lost kids won't have their own angels. I'm hoping I can be one. I'm trying to be a good adult, and I want to work with foster teens eventually.

wbsss4412 5y ago
> I still worry if it would have been better for my career to stay and accept the greater abuse, which is fucked up. Am I deflecting responsibility and blaming others for my own failures? Etc. Wondering if growing up in a more supportive environment would have helped you advance more quickly is a perfectly reasonable question, that’s not “blaming others for your failures”. Don’t be so hard on yourself, it sounds like you were placed into a very difficult set of circumstances.
specialist 5y ago
That's amazing. I'm so glad you survived. > Am I deflecting responsibility and blaming others for my own failures? No. You were forced to make a decision. You did the best you could. You did not fail. You survived. You're still here. Fighting. Trying to become the person you were always meant to be. Doubt, rumination, self-examination can all be helpful. Those of us without good role models have to work harder to figure out which way is up. I only encourage you to not dwell too long on the past. Like I've done. There's only such much juice to squeeze from those turnips. After a time, you'll be better served by looking forward.

by Mezzie 5y ago

wbsss4412 5y ago

> I still worry if it would have been better for my career to stay and accept the greater abuse, which is fucked up. Am I deflecting responsibility and blaming others for my own failures? Etc. Wondering if growing up in a more supportive environment would have helped you advance more quickly is a perfectly reasonable question, that’s not “blaming others for your failures”. Don’t be so hard on yourself, it sounds like you were placed into a very difficult set of circumstances.

specialist 5y ago

That's amazing. I'm so glad you survived. > Am I deflecting responsibility and blaming others for my own failures? No. You were forced to make a decision. You did the best you could. You did not fail. You survived. You're still here. Fighting. Trying to become the person you were always meant to be. Doubt, rumination, self-examination can all be helpful. Those of us without good role models have to work harder to figure out which way is up. I only encourage you to not dwell too long on the past. Like I've done. There's only such much juice to squeeze from those turnips. After a time, you'll be better served by looking forward.