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Other commenters are brushing this advice aside on the grounds that it’s isn’t universally applicable. But, if we accept that it requires some discernment, I th

Other commenters are brushing this advice aside on the grounds that it’s isn’t universally applicable. But, if we accept that it requires some discernment, I think it’s pretty sound, particularly in cases where it’s important to be authoritative. I’m reminded of the English crown’s unofficial motto: “don’t complain; don’t explain”.

lostlogin 5y ago
> I’m reminded of the English crown’s unofficial motto: “don’t complain; don’t explain”. Was this explained to to current royals, it’s hilarious?
- omginternets 5y ago
  Unsurprisingly, many Brits agree with you. I've heard "don't complain; don't explain" invoked in the news more times than I can count in the past few years.
m463 5y ago
I agree - I notice many times good advice is overlooked because of some not-very-common-scenario. For example: Think twice about giving detailed status reports, especially things you are stuck on. If you're stuck on something that needs help, by all means call it out. But I've sometimes found that when I give detailed status and mention some detail of my current stopping point, I get all kinds of unsolicited advice and micromanagement. for example, if I were to give my status as "Working on interface code, struggling with undocumented interfaces" I'm pretty sure I would get all kinds of advice on how to fix it even though I'll probably get through it in an hour.
rpdillon 5y ago
It conflates exposing your reasoning with being open to debate. I can perfectly well state my decision, make it clear that it's final, while also explaining it. This, for example, is exactly how courts work. I agree with some others here: this advice is not useful often enough to go unqualified. It may make sense to frame it more in terms of "In situations where there the person is unknown and the communication is unsolicited, don't explain yourself." I suspect 99% of my daily interactions would not benefit from advice. Perhaps I'm an outlier.
- omginternets 5y ago
  Hmm… the bit about how explanations invite insistence jives with my experience. Not offering an explanation (again, in the appropriate context) has worked astonishingly well for me, personally. Like you, I suspect that 99% of my daily interactions would be degraded if I applied this rule. However, the remaining 1% happen to cause the most pain, and it’s precisely here that the articles advice rings true.
rgoulter 5y ago
> particularly in cases where it’s important to be authoritative. I think this is lens makes the advice clearer. "Don't explain yourself" or "use of authority doesn't require explanation" smells gross because it's anti-egalitarian. (People are equal, how can one person have authority to an extent that explanation isn't needed/beneficial?). In a sense, "explaining things" is a way of showing you're not wielding authority over others, or open to suggestions. The frustrating situations described in the original post, since OP's mind isn't open to be changed, his advice is to 'wield authority': to say no to telemarketer, to his son asking for a kitten. Giving explanation while teaching shows that the reason what's being taught is true isn't just because the teacher is saying it.
- omginternets 5y ago
  I think you've hit the nail on the head. I suspect people are reacting to the potential for this advice to be misapplied by assholes.

lostlogin 5y ago

> I’m reminded of the English crown’s unofficial motto: “don’t complain; don’t explain”. Was this explained to to current royals, it’s hilarious?

omginternets 5y ago
Unsurprisingly, many Brits agree with you. I've heard "don't complain; don't explain" invoked in the news more times than I can count in the past few years.

m463 5y ago

I agree - I notice many times good advice is overlooked because of some not-very-common-scenario. For example: Think twice about giving detailed status reports, especially things you are stuck on. If you're stuck on something that needs help, by all means call it out. But I've sometimes found that when I give detailed status and mention some detail of my current stopping point, I get all kinds of unsolicited advice and micromanagement. for example, if I were to give my status as "Working on interface code, struggling with undocumented interfaces" I'm pretty sure I would get all kinds of advice on how to fix it even though I'll probably get through it in an hour.

rpdillon 5y ago

It conflates exposing your reasoning with being open to debate. I can perfectly well state my decision, make it clear that it's final, while also explaining it. This, for example, is exactly how courts work. I agree with some others here: this advice is not useful often enough to go unqualified. It may make sense to frame it more in terms of "In situations where there the person is unknown and the communication is unsolicited, don't explain yourself." I suspect 99% of my daily interactions would not benefit from advice. Perhaps I'm an outlier.

omginternets 5y ago
Hmm… the bit about how explanations invite insistence jives with my experience. Not offering an explanation (again, in the appropriate context) has worked astonishingly well for me, personally. Like you, I suspect that 99% of my daily interactions would be degraded if I applied this rule. However, the remaining 1% happen to cause the most pain, and it’s precisely here that the articles advice rings true.

rgoulter 5y ago

> particularly in cases where it’s important to be authoritative. I think this is lens makes the advice clearer. "Don't explain yourself" or "use of authority doesn't require explanation" smells gross because it's anti-egalitarian. (People are equal, how can one person have authority to an extent that explanation isn't needed/beneficial?). In a sense, "explaining things" is a way of showing you're not wielding authority over others, or open to suggestions. The frustrating situations described in the original post, since OP's mind isn't open to be changed, his advice is to 'wield authority': to say no to telemarketer, to his son asking for a kitten. Giving explanation while teaching shows that the reason what's being taught is true isn't just because the teacher is saying it.

omginternets 5y ago
I think you've hit the nail on the head. I suspect people are reacting to the potential for this advice to be misapplied by assholes.